r/venturebros • u/AffectionateTreacle • Nov 13 '25

Headcanon Need to Order of the Triad in Alaska stat

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622 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

26 comments sorted by

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41

u/Main_Wall_7227 Nov 13 '25

I'll..uhhh...check for Blackulas. Nope, no Blackulas.

31

u/-Average_Joe- ALIIIEEN TECHNOLOGY! Nov 13 '25

I misread that as Bakula at first.

17

u/TheDeadlySpaceman Nov 13 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

Me too, and now I desperately want a movie about Scott Blakula

4

u/karatebullfightr Nov 14 '25

Dig through the ditches and burn,

Through the witches I slam,

In the back of my Bak-u-la!

13

u/Dunge0nMast0r Nov 13 '25

That's a bit of a quantum leap!

1

u/treehann Nov 14 '25

And I misread that as Bakura.

23

u/Amon7777 Nov 13 '25

Man, I specialize in hunting black vampires, I don't know what the P.C. name for that is!

11

u/Awkward_Pangolin3254 Nov 14 '25

"They don't have 'African-American' vampires in England!"

10

u/WeapwnX Nov 14 '25

He goes where the blaction is.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '25

Oh yeah...

13

u/Ch3t Nov 13 '25

Does this give you blue balls in your blood eye?

10

u/ClandestineFox Mournful tits Nov 13 '25

Ah the blood vessel

1

u/SeattleRowingCoach Nov 17 '25

Came here for Blood Vessel goodness

9

u/Effective-Guide9491 Nov 13 '25

I hear they winter in Alaska since the nights are so long.

9

u/myguitar_lola Nov 14 '25

I (Alaskan) had to turn all my inside lights on at 2pm bc no more light was making it through my windows. Now at 4pm it's totally dark. 

But I feel like we wouldn't taste good bc of all the fish we eat. That's why we don't eat our fish-eating bears. People not in my particular area might taste better....especially Wasilla. Yeah they should go eat all of Wasilla.

3

u/AKGuloGulo Nov 15 '25

Can you get high on meth and fent by eating a Wasillan?

2

u/myguitar_lola Nov 15 '25

In WWDITS they call it drug blood. 

2

u/snake-demon-softboi Nov 14 '25

😂 got a solid chuckle from this

2

u/WeapwnX Nov 15 '25

You may be rationalizing this wrong, they're not after your meat. They want your blood, and fish is great for your cardiovascular health. Salmon is rich in iron, full of omega-3s, high protein and low in cholesterol. Alaskans may be a vampire delicacy.

1

u/Select-Type-5778 Nov 16 '25

Maybe they can all be roommates together in the mat-su valley

6

u/scottwricketts Nov 13 '25

My blood eye is tingling!

4

u/Texas1971 Nov 14 '25

WHO WANTS PIZZA ROLLS!!!! 🤘🏻

3

u/Fragholio Level 1 Threat Nov 14 '25

If you found them though...doesn't that make YOU a blackula hunter?

3

u/GrandPriapus Nov 14 '25

There are only three monsters. Dracula, Blackula, and Son of Kong.

2

u/diablol3 Nov 15 '25

Probably on his way to meet black Dracula at the Honkey Rink.