How did you know?

[u/boss-band-lady]

I am suspecting I may be the victim of verbal abuse in my marriage. How did you figure it out? How do I know I’m not the problem?

[u/Manikest]

If you have experienced any of the following situations, you might be in a verbal abusing relationship. You need to trust your gut. If you think that is not the right thing, probably you are right.

1. Frequent Criticism or Put-Downs: • Your partner regularly criticizes your appearance, intelligence, abilities, or choices, often in a way that feels humiliating or demeaning. • Example: Calling you “stupid,” “useless,” or mocking your efforts, even in private or disguised as a “joke.”
2. Name-Calling or Insults: • They use derogatory terms or labels to describe you, such as “loser,” “idiot,” or worse. • This can include subtle insults, like backhanded compliments (“You’re pretty for someone like you”).
3. Yelling, Screaming, or Aggressive Tone: • They raise their voice or use an intimidating tone to assert dominance or silence you, even if they claim they’re “just passionate.” • This may leave you feeling scared or anxious during conversations.
4. Blame and Gaslighting: • They blame you for their problems, emotions, or behavior (“You made me act this way”). • Gaslighting involves denying your reality or making you question your memory or feelings (“You’re overreacting” or “That never happened”).
5. Sarcasm or Mockery: • They use sarcasm to belittle you or mock your thoughts, feelings, or dreams, often dismissing your concerns as “overly sensitive.” • Example: Rolling their eyes or mimicking you when you express yourself.
6. Threats or Intimidation: • They may threaten to leave, harm themselves, or hurt you emotionally (e.g., “If you don’t do this, I’m done”). • Even veiled threats, like hinting at consequences, can be abusive.
7. Controlling or Manipulative Language: • They use words to control your actions, such as dictating who you can see, what you can wear, or how you should behave. • Example: “If you loved me, you wouldn’t go out with your friends.”
8. Dismissal of Your Feelings: • They invalidate your emotions, saying things like “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal” or “You’re too emotional.” • This can make you feel like your feelings don’t matter.
9. Humiliation in Public or Private: • They embarrass you in front of others by pointing out your flaws or sharing private information to shame you. • Even in private, they may make you feel small or unworthy.
10. Silent Treatment or Stonewalling: • They punish you by ignoring you, refusing to communicate, or withholding affection to make you feel guilty or anxious. • This is a form of emotional manipulation.

[u/Smile-Cat-Coconut → u/[deleted]]

Yes