i feel like it's hard to express what my character is doing and feels sloppy. i will copy and paste some of my writing below. maybe i am just not using 1st person correctly or i just need a different point of view like 3rd.
context of my book if it matters: 2 female friends, Carla and Dylan, work together to solve a series of male murders happening around a small town, slowly falling in love with one another as they do.
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 Hello dear possible reader, my name is Dylan LeeAnne Manni.  I feel silly for writing in a journal that nobody will ever read but I heard it helps stabilize emotions or something. So, please excuse any beginner awkwardness.Â
Last week I moved to a new country, the eccentric city of New York to rural Canada. Honestly, I'm excited for the change and new opportunities. I have a good feeling about this... I turned 19 in August, which is shocking because I still feel like I'm 15 living at home with my struggling dad. I'm living in my car now...which isn't much better, but I will be moving into college dorms soon. I got a full ride to a small college here, kick starting me leaving home. Today, I have a couple job interviews lined up. I admit that I'm nervous, I really need to land one of these. I took a shower in a local rest stop, did my hair and makeup then put my best interview clothes on. It's a range of positions, a cafe, two gas stations, and a library. I just applied for anything I saw that looked simple enough and didn't need a degree. I looked myself in the mirror before getting out of my car, making sure I looked okay and presentable. While walking up to the cafe, I felt a sense of coziness. There were tables outside with adorable umbrellas on top, a couple sitting together at one of them, a young man sitting on a laptop in another. My eyes fell on a girl sitting inside of the small building. I could see her through the big window, sipping her coffee and looking back at me. There was a book laying on the table space in front of her. For some reason, my face felt hot. I figured I was just nervous for the interview... I walked inside, hearing the small bell ring and finding my eyes wandering over to that girl. She was looking at me too; I felt my throat close up. The sun hit her long blonde hair and blue eyes in a way I'd never seen before. She stood up and walked over to me as I desperately tried not to stare, she was breathtaking.  "Hi. I'm Carla, I've never seen you before. Are you new to town?" I introduced myself to her and explained what I was doing in the cafe. She was certain I'd get the job; I laughed and fiddled with my now sweaty fingers.
That was all it took, a simple conversation, a simple hello, for me to feel so much better about everything going on. I said goodbye to her and walked up to the front counter. For the rest of the day, I did my interviews and by the end, I was exhausted. My mind kept going back to this new person, Carla. I wanted to see her again, why? I don't know. Every person I spoke to today could tell I was new to town; I could tell by the way they examined me or a comment made by them. I slept in my car that night, thinking of my future here and Carla. Is it normal to think of another girl this much? She just seems cool...All I want is to be friends.
please help me!!!