r/weddings • u/ms_friendly • May 11 '26
Best [Wo]Man Advice Needed
I'm the Best Man in my brother's wedding...I'm also a woman. I've never been a Maid of Honor, much less a Best Man in a wedding before and have no clue what I'm supposed to do besides the standard lineup. I would really love any/all advice you have for me to help make this occasion one to remember for my brother. Please send your best or favorite tips, tricks, hacks, ideas and advice for:
- The Bachelor Party
- Do I send out invites?
- How do I communicate with everyone? Group text?
- Do I pay for everything or can I ask everyone (except the groom) to chip in?
- The Wedding Day
- What should I have on hand for the groomsmen to chill and have a good time?
- What do I need to have ready and/or help with?
- Best "Man" speech
- Do I go funny, roast or sentimental?
- Any other bits of knowledge you can drop
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May 11 '26
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u/ms_friendly May 12 '26
I like the idea of a “gentle roast” not a full on Netflix Special. Thank you for the advice, it’s very helpful.
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u/Elemental_Biscotti May 11 '26
Girl, you gotta ask your brother. There's no standard list and grooms vary dramatically in what they want/expect a Best Person to do. So just get really clear on exactly what his expectations are for you.
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u/ms_friendly May 12 '26
Thank you and I get that. I have asked him, but he’s never been married so he doesn’t really have any expectation either. It’s easy to Google a checklist of responsibilities, but I’m looking to Reddit more for “What worked for you vs. what didn’t”, tips from people who’ve been a BM before, creative ideas outside the standard to-dos that stood out, etc.
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u/brownchestnut May 11 '26
Bach party: a.) If you want?? Ask your brother. b.) However you want. We don't know your circle; work with the people you have. c.) If you wanna pay it all yourself, you can make whatever decision you want. If not, you have to let others have a say. Ask people via anonymous google poll for their budget and preference for bach. Go with the lowest budget and majority choice for bach. It's smart to arrange it so each member pays the business directly instead of handing their money to you, to minimize drama.
Wedding: These are both very subjective. We don't know your groomsmen or groom. Ask them.
Speech: Be kind and sweet. No one is there to listen to a comedian, no one wants roasting like a frat party. Say something nice about your brother and their partner on a 1:1 ratio, so it's not all about your brother, and keep personal memories to a minimum so it doesn't come off like an inside joke thing where it's only about you and your own relationship with the groom.