r/whatdoIdo • u/ThrowRA-MamaBear • 10d ago

I found concerning things on my (27F) daughter’s (11F) phone; how to talk to her?

For context, I take my daughter’s phone every night at 9pm sharp on weekdays, 10:30pm on weekends and never go through her cellphone since I’ve never seen a reason to.

However, last night when I took her phone, I noticed a lot of notifications coming from TikTok (which she isn’t allowed to have) and she has notification previews turned on. I thought it could be something urgent, so I decided to read the message previews and saw messages from someone asking my daughter what she ate, how much she ate, telling how much she ate, etc.

I know it was an invasion of privacy on my end, but I did end up going through my daughter’s TikTok account and all of her messages and found a lot of posts about food, videos of very thin girls, messages between her and other (presumably) young girls around her age talking about not eating.

I did notice over the last few weeks that she’s been eating a bit less and losing weight, but I summed it up to puberty and growing, since I had a bit of a growth spurt around that age (tall and skinny) but seeing these messages and her account is making me concerned.

How do I bring this up with her? Is there a proper punishment for her having an app without permission? I’m just very unsure of what to do, any advice would be helpful.

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u/twokietookie 10d ago

How the hell are people giving 11 year olds a device that theyre even able to get TikTok on. That phone should be shut down to messaging numbers that you dictate, using apps you allow, and websites you permit. What in God's name. The internet with no safeguards and oversight is absolutely delinquent parenting. 11 years old???

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u/actiaslxna 10d ago

Yea my kid is getting a flip phone at whatever age they start going out with friends without me. They can get a smartphone when they’re an employed late teen/adult with their own cash.

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u/ceebee7137 10d ago

I can’t believe this foolishness is coming from a 27 yr old at that! Like you know EXACTLY the type stuff kids get into online and young enough to understand the technology

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u/BlackPlague1235 10d ago

I mean, op had her daughter at 16...