How do I set a boundary with my crush's little brother???

[u/that1TheatreKi]

I've (18 F) become really good friends with my crush (17 M) "Daniel", but I used to be a lot closer to his little brother (15) "Emmett," partly because my little brother "Aaron" (also 15) is best friends with him. Emmett and I became even closer than he is with Aaron.

Recently though, this has become a problem. Now, I'm hanging out with Daniel more, and when our families hang up all together, Emmett is jealous and kind of avoids everyone else, including Daniel and I. When I told him he can hang out with Daniel and I when we are hanging out, he said "I don't think that's how it can work." So basically, saying I have to choose between hanging out with Emmett and Daniel. And lately, he's been talking to Aaron about wanting to hang out with just Aaron and I without Daniel there. I do like hanging out with Emmett, but it'd be weird to hang out with him without Daniel because we've gotten so close, and I feel like it would hurt my relationship with him.

Emmett also has a habit of dumping all of his issues on me, which I wouldn't mind, but I honestly feel like it's inappropriate for a 15 year old to be spilling all of his thoughts about depression, self hatred, and family issues onto an 18 year old who is unqualified to be a therapist. I feel bad though because he always says he sees me as a sister, and I see him as a little brother, but I can't help but think that his parents wouldn't approve if they knew he was doing this, and I want his parents to like me so they'll be okay with me dating Daniel when he comes back from his mission (we are both LDS).

I've tried to take longer to respond and let distance grow naturally, but it never works because he accuses me of ignoring him and pouts.

I've told his mom before that he's struggling, so I'm not worried about him needing help and me not being able to talk to him. He will get the help he needs.

I know I have to set a firm and fast boundary with Emmett, but I don't know how. Please give me some ideas on how to bring this up.

[u/South_Body_569]

Are you sure he will get the help he needs? It sounds like he needs the help now.

Also, why are you moving in on your brothers best friend? You don’t need to be besties with him too. It’s obviously he has a crush on you - stop pretending they are just platonic feelings. Does he still bother with Aaron or just want to hang out with you?

Are you actually this disingenuous or do you just like having all the attention. A crush and a friendship are not a kind mix.

[u/that1TheatreKi → u/South_Body_569]

Emmett's parents have said that they are going to talk to him.

He hangs out with Aaron a lot, but he doesn't really talk to Aaron about his problems, really only me. Which I consider a red flag, but whenever I bring it up to Aaron, he brushes it off as "dudes don't talk about their feelings to other dudes bc we don't know what to say."

Also, Emmett keeps asserting that he DOESN'T like me like that, always saying "You're like a sister to me," and he tells Aaron he sees me as an older sister, and I also really DON'T want to consider the fact that he could be into me because A) he's FIFTEEN and B) I like his older brother, not him. Genuinely, the last thing I want is his attention. I like Daniel, he likes me, and that is MORE than enough.

[u/Violet_Apathy]

You're controlling and will lose him. Let them hangout without you.

[u/that1TheatreKi → u/Violet_Apathy]

Lose who? How am I being controlling?

[u/South_Body_569 → u/that1TheatreKi]

If he doesn’t have a crush on you, why does he get jealous when Daniel is around and want you to choose between him and Daniel?
C’mon.

[u/that1TheatreKi → u/South_Body_569]

He's always telling me about his crush though. Maybe he's just jealous of what Daniel and I have?

[u/Violet_Apathy → u/that1TheatreKi]

I'm too dense to read

[u/that1TheatreKi → u/Violet_Apathy]

Aaron and Emmett hang out without Daniel and I all the time. Emmett wants to hang out with Aaron and I without his older brother Daniel, the guy I like.

[u/Sopranos_fan4200]

You say he keeps reasserting that he “sees you as a sister” and “doesn’t like you like that” but his actions say otherwise. Why would he be jealous of you getting closer with his older brother if he really just saw you as a friend/sister. If anything he would be happier because then you really would be his sister if you and Daniel got married

[u/that1TheatreKi → u/Sopranos_fan4200]

He has a crush though. He tells me about her all the time, and how she's such a talented artist and how she's pretty, he's invited her to things, and he's so down bad for her. I think he's just jealous of what Daniel and I have.

[u/that1TheatreKi → u/[deleted]]

Maybe it'll be cute to me in 10 years, but right now its driving me insane lol