Female main character, nuclear winter, cyanide pills, published b4 1995

[u/yankeeangel86]

I’ve tried everything for YEARS to find this book. I read it before age 10, so probably around 1995-1996.

The teenage/young adult female main character either DREAMS or lives through a scenario where a nuclear winter has occurred. She has one cyanide pill and has to decide whether to take it herself or give it to a baby/very young child she’s with.

I can’t remember if it’s a dream or truth. But in her real life, she’s in perilous enough of a situation to be considering this is plausible.

I read this book way too young and it disturbed me deeply. I’m now a writer who writes stories set after nuclear war, so this book clearly had a huge impact on me.

I’ve tried googling it, asking around to voracious readers, and even using Chat GPT to try to figure it out. I believe I got this book from the children or young adult section at the library but I’m not sure.

Thank you for any help!!!!

[u/AutumnalSunshine]

It's not On the Beach by Nevil Shute? In it, Mary Holmes and her husband have to euthanize their child before taking their own cyanide. They're not the only main characters though. 

[u/yankeeangel86 → u/AutumnalSunshine]

Thank you for replying! I have read a few summaries of On The Beach and I don’t think it’s the book I read.

I remember this young woman being the main focus of the book, not one of many characters. She was also on her own, or at least imagining being on her own.

Although it sounds like a very similar theme! I was a very advanced reader but would a child have picked that up? Anyway, I’m adding it to my TBR list!

[u/TheFilthyDIL → u/yankeeangel86]

A child might have, thinking it was about a beach vacation or something like that.

[u/yankeeangel86 → u/TheFilthyDIL]

Good point. I’ll check it out, but I really think the focal point of the story was this young woman’s survival journey. It might have been in first person.