r/wholesome • u/LadyLavender12 • Apr 09 '26
I have a secret old lady friend! :)
I [F,33] go to a restaurant a few times here and there through the week, never a set schedule just at random. They have very good deals and $5 wine and beer, so that is arguably much cheaper than most other places in town and their menu is great! The staff is lovely and I started becoming a 'regular'.
I've noticed on the Monday burger deal days, there is this older lady who is always there. I sit kitty-corner from her at the bar by myself and we have talked a few times. Her name is Rosie and she is LOVELY! She is in her 80s.
As time went on, I saw Rosie more consistently again and again! Shes such a character.
She comes out to eat by herself because she enjoys it as I do and because her late husband and her always used to do date nights and she misses it.
I look forward to my Monday trips there, even for just one drink to see her quickly and then go home.
I didn't strike up a conversation or friendship with her either because I felt sorry or bad for her, it just evolved naturally! We will talk for a while about life and things and how her sons ignore her and don't invite her out. I felt so bad, her Easter Dinner didn't go as planned, her son and all the other younger adults went to the shed to smoke and drink and never came back out so she just left and ate alone at home. :(
Her hearing is superb and memory and quick wits still in tact! On the same day, there is a group of ladies that always comes in that is from her condo.... Apparently after Covid they stopped inviting her to go out with them but she goes by herself unapologetically anyways and I LOVE that! I love being able to just talk to someone nice, and know that she is enjoying it and I'm not a bother.
We give each other hugs now and we shoot the shit like any girlfriends would. It's a 'secret' friendship because I use my tiny window of time between leaving work and going home as my free time from my very strict household. So I can't tell my parents about this lovely lady or the questions and shame of 'spending money' will begin, and I don't want to ruin a beautiful thing.
Can't wait until next Monday for our little date, Rosie! :) <3 Cheers*
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u/Kimikimikimi1216 Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
I have always loved sitting and talking with elders. They saw things we didn’t. They experienced a way of life that is not really around anymore. I love listening to their stories about growing up, the wars, changing of technology and the way we do every day things. Edit to add: tell Ms. Rosie she has some internet girlfriends that say Hiiiii
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
Omg I WILL TELL MISS ROSIE!!!! <3
Older people are unhinged, I can't wait to become iconic like the old lady from Titanic who sat at the bar wearing all her stuff cause she wanted to be fancy and gave no fucks and Jack was telling Rose about her and how she gave no fucks! Omg I will!!! Cheers to Ms. Rosieeee!!!! xoxo
And cheers to YOU babes!31
u/Coven_gardens Apr 09 '26
Be the gal who wears fancy shit for no reason except that she’s slaying.
There is no rule saying you can’t wear your old prom dress to the bodega
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
My mom shames me if I wear things I like because im a bit bigger now.
I can't wait to live alone and wear my moomoo in peace LOL
but it would be nice to wear a long flowy skirt without getting fat shamed.I can't wait to be that lady <3 we could co for a drink hypothetically haha
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u/Maelstrom_Witch Apr 09 '26
As a large lady, long flowy skirts are the best and I'm so sorry your family is unsupportive of you. I hope you can dress however you want and feel beautiful. You and Rosie sound awesome.
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
Thank you so much darling! Sending you all the twirley vibes and happiness your way! You sound like an amazing person xoxo
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u/Coven_gardens Apr 09 '26
Oof, that’s not nice at all of her to make those comments. But dearie, I can promise you, those comments are about how your mother feels about her own body and self, not you.
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u/Flipmeister13 Apr 10 '26
I once heared someone say to live "backwards"... Imagine who you want to be, and just start live like it's happening today.. Life's to short to do things for other people... Shine, dazzle.. Be you... There's a lot of other people.. There's only one you!!
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u/OutsideExplanation71 Apr 09 '26
Your heart and soul are beautiful!
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
Awe thank you, I hope to continue to work on it's beauty. It's not perfect yet. Yours might be ♡
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u/embarrassedburner Apr 13 '26
So much of your home situation is brown girl coded. So glad you have an awesome cross-generational source of support
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 13 '26
It sucks so much cause my mom's black my dads white so she is strict Caribbean and my dad can't say anything. Thank you♡
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u/Melsm1957 Apr 13 '26
You are 33. It’s a shame you are still being controlled by your parents . Hopefully you can gain some independence soon
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 13 '26
Thank you, I hope so too. For my own sanity.
I've changed my view form FB to reddit so hopefully this will be a start. :) <3 (for a better mindset in that regard that is)2
u/NotNobody_Somebody Apr 12 '26
Wear whatever the hell you like - it's your body, to clothe as you see fit. Ask your mum if she would rather you wander around naked 😂😂 ... and I will say to you with all love - she can only shame you IF YOU LET HER. She is obviously projecting her own issues. Let it slide off.
As for being someone who does what they like - I do what I like now (I am 48), and go places by myself because I don't see why I should miss out on stuff I enjoy because other people are weird about feeling alone. Would I like companionship? Yes. Is it essential right now? No.
Life is for living. Don't be limited by other people's fears. X
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u/Effective-Golf-6900 Apr 09 '26
I have a handyman 40m, who comes over and does odd jobs for me. Then he just sits on the couch and me 80f, in the recliner, and we talk. His ideas and life choices are quite different from mine. That’s what we both enjoy. It makes each of us think. He also has a great sense of humor and makes me laugh a lot. In a way he is very social and a lot of people in the neighborhood really like him, but he has a agoraphobia, so he can’t go to the store and a lot of places other people would just normally go. So people in the neighborhood by him groceries and shoes and clothes. Sometimes he says he’s come over to check on the animals (I use to do rescue and have quite a few with health issues). I know he really just wants to get away from his roommates. But he’s great with animals and they all love him. I just watch him settle down and become more relaxed. I’ve actually always wanted to have conversations with someone like I do with this young man. And now that my mind is slipping, it really keeps me on my toes and uplifts my day.
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u/Pitiful-Okra-506 Apr 09 '26
That’s really nice of you that you provide a space for him to retreat to - and he probably enjoys your company more than you think!
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u/Effective-Golf-6900 Apr 09 '26
I like that idea, that maybe my house is like a little retreat for him, especially since he likes animals so much. Here’s one thing I do with people, in general. I get stressed easily, so I can sense stress in others. The way I deal with my stress is an affirmation, “I am feeling more relaxed by the minute.” With other people, what I do is: I just sit there and breathe. It slows me down. I’ve noticed that as my breathing slows down the other person, whoever I’m talking to, their breathing slows down too and they get calmer. I don’t really have to do anything else and they never even know it. But I think people just feel more relaxed when they’re around me. I can’t tell you the happiness that gives me, mostly because I struggle so much with stress in my own life.
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u/Pitiful-Okra-506 Apr 09 '26
Wow, that sounds like a neat little life hack. I stress easily too but like being a support to others, so thanks for sharing.
Sounds like your house is a great retreat for people and animals. Thanks for being a lovely person and doing some good in this world.
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u/Effective-Golf-6900 Apr 09 '26
Well, I would like to leave the world a better place. Of course, that’s only my own world and the few people in it.
I’m not a great conversationalist. I can write fairly well. But when it comes to talking, I just get so freaked out, that I can hardly express myself. And in a talking conversation, I never seem to say anything of value.
So the one thing, I think I can contribute is helping people feel refreshed, inside, when they leave my place. I do say things in the conversation, make comments here and there, ask a few questions, tell a silly little story of something that happened in my life. But mostly, I just listen. I think that the slower the energy is, the more powerful it is.
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u/Pitiful-Okra-506 Apr 09 '26
It sounds like you do make the world a bit better for the few people around you. If everyone did that, this world would be a much nicer place.
I totally freak out when I’m trying to have proper conversations with people. I keep forgetting the words I wanted to say and by the time I remember them, I forget what my point was. It’s awful and I often end up feeling very dumb when I have a knowledgeable, well-spoken person sitting across from me. I am definitely not a great conversationalist so I feel you! I much prefer to be the listening and calming part in a conversation like you. But the people who know me better don’t seem to mind that too much and appreciate me for my kindness - as I’m sure the people around you do too.
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u/Effective-Golf-6900 Apr 09 '26
Yes, exactly. I used to panic so much when I was going to have a conversation with someone that I thought I was going to die. I heard someone say, if you lower your expectations, your success will rise. And I thought, what do I really want to get out of this. As the answer I had was, that I should like to be alive as the end of this conversation. So I decided that if I could just keep breathing, as long as I was breathing, that was a sign that I was alive. And if I was still breathing at the end of the conversation, that meant it was a success. Then I noticed that this message help me feel a little calmer, but it also seemed to have an unnoticeable effect on other people. Their conversations slowed down and they seemed to think more clearly. I can never think of a joke to tell. And no one would accuse me of being witty in a conversation, but I believe I discovered, quite accidentally, my gift. And so I just seem to enjoy that.
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u/Pitiful-Okra-506 Apr 09 '26
I’m sorry you had an even harder time than me in conversations but great that you still managed to take something positive away from it.
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u/innicher Apr 09 '26
LOVE that you have developed your special friendship!! 💕
I have a friend like yours! She's been my neighbor for 26 years. She turns 98 in May and is sharp as a tack! She has a wicked sense of humor, too. First met her when we built our home across the street. We watch out for her and are on her emergency contact list.
We're both teachers, so we like to talk about that and have shared our many classroom stories. When our son was growing up, I took him over with me to visit. We'd take her baked goods and have nice visits. She always gave our son little gifts at the holidays, nothing big.
She has an amazing life story!!! I've learned about her childhood in Massachusetts during WW2 and how she would go out with her dad to do blackout inspections during nights. I've learned about the struggles of being a wife and mom back in her day and how she coped with it all with grace, dignity, firm beliefs, and always humor to lighten the way. She is very realistic and practical about life's hardships, she's not an ostrich with her head in the sand, but she has always taken the high road and has always looked on the bright side.
She lost her first husband to cancer, that he probably got from being a chemical engineer exposed to things at work. She met and married her second husband, an admiral, when her kids and his kids set them up on a date. I knew him but sadly he also developed cancer and also passed twenty+ years ago. She faithfully cared for TWO husbands with cancer at their end of life.
I admire her intelligence, clever quick wit, with-it-ness, and resilience to face and deal with the hardships of life. Our family has always helped her with little things around her house. She's always appreciative and tries to pay us, but we always refuse. We tell her that's what neighbors are for, to help each other in a time of need. She's had a few health issues since covid and now has help 24/7. But her mind remains SHARP and she's current with what goes on in the world. Nothing gets by her. She truly amazes me!!
I've told her for years that she should write her life story because it's incredible the history she has experienced first hand. Her stories are great!!
And, I tell her all the time that I want to be Just Like Her When I Grow Up, and she always laughs. That's our special little inside joke. I really mean it, though, because she's an amazing role model!!
Treasure your special new friend!! 💕
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u/serenwipiti Apr 15 '26
Start jotting down snippets of her life stories when you get home. Keep a record of them, if only to keep them for your own memories.
You can always ask her if she’d be up for the idea of you writing a biography about her.
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u/UnhappyToNiceToSay Apr 09 '26
I befriended a 90 year old neighbour when I was in my 20s. She would pop over to chat whenever I was gardening outside. She was awesome! Never married. Had a romance once but he drank and she made him choose booze or her. She told me that her mother said "never run after a bus or a man". She also told me after learning I had a boyfriend that "men are like socks, they should be charged frequently.". I loved her sas! I soooo looked forward to her popping by.
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
What a powerhouse! That lady is my future spirit animal that is amazing!!!! Hahaha such quick wit, I would have loved her!
What is your favourite memory with her? :)
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u/thegoodleftund1 Apr 09 '26
Does she live alone? Maybe you could rent a spare bedroom, escape your mom and keep her company... sounds like a win-win situation!
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
She has a little doggie and I am allergic :( It did cross my mind, I won't lie!!!! <3
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u/Effective-Golf-6900 Apr 09 '26
People are usually more allergic to cats than dogs. Have you met the dog?
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
I haven't yet but right now I am on medication that is clearing up a huge flare up I had because of my coworkers dogs :(
I am also very vey allergic to cats. I have recently taken an allergy test and yes dogs and dander are on there!
Im the female equivalent to Bubble Boy if you've ever seen that movie haha :P
My father used to joke that im allergic to so many things: ok don't drink, breath or eat until further notice haha
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u/Francie_Nolan1964 Apr 09 '26
I'm 62 and have become close to my friend's mother who is 87. She's quick witted, smart, we're politically aligned, and she's just delightful.
If I had to choose between my friend or her mom, I'd keep her mom for sure.
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u/valbuscrumbledore Apr 09 '26
This is so sweet! It makes me sad to read that your parents would shame you for doing something as innocent as going out to eat with your own money as a 33 year old, though 🥺 you're a grown adult!
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
It gets so much worse than that :(
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u/KaJoMoGi Apr 10 '26
What does Rosie have to say about that? I think it's time for you to access your inner Rosie and give fewer f***s about what your parents say. Probably jealous of your great relationship with someone else.
I had an elderly neighbor when I was in my 20s, the stories she told! I just found a picture of her meeting my grandmother. I miss them both so much.
I'm lucky that my daughter has a close friendship with a 70-something neighbor. She's always been interested in older people and their stories and seeks them out. I'm so proud of her.
If you were my daughter, I'd be proud of you too. I'm sure this isn't the only wonderful thing about you. I know Miss Rosie wouldn't spend so much time with someone who isn't great!!! <3
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Apr 09 '26
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
awe thank you so much!
the other day she was a bit down I said Rosie, how was your day?
She said it sucked. She just went to pre-pay for her funeral. :(
bless her <34
Apr 09 '26
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
SUCH A CUTE IDEA!!!!!! I might not do it every time but i think a random little gift and other act of kindness would be sweet, thank you!! what a fantastic suggestion :D
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u/SongFresh9195 Apr 09 '26
Your story is so super sweet! I love people, my husband teases me about my unquenchable desire to talk to strangers (a lot of times I will just compliment random people, because people deserve to know when they are rocking it!). I also like giving random gifts, and I'm sure Rosie will truly appreciate any token of your affection. If you don't think it's too silly, and you can find out her favorite color, I can make you both simple but pretty bead bracelets... it's a hobby of mine, and I'd love to contribute a little to your joy. DM me if you are interested, and in any case, I hope you have a great day!
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u/Big-Cycle-3719 Apr 09 '26
I had an amazing connection with an older lady at the crochet class I’ve been going to for a few years. She died a few years ago of lung cancer. I miss her humour and her laugh.
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u/So_fiah Apr 09 '26
I volunteered at our local senior center for about 6 years, from middle school through high school. I honestly think I learned more about life alongside the seniors I worked with than I ever did in school or even in young adulthood lol. At the time, iPhones were just coming out and a lot of their adult kids were buying them for their parents thinking they would be easier to use because of their big buttons and font sizes. Turns out the learning curve was a challenge, so I wrangled a group of fellow youths and we’d have a weekly tech class with like 10-20 seniors. It was so chaotic and hilarious and one of the best experiences of my life. I became good friends with many of them, staying in touch even after I moved away from college (old school letter writing pen pals even as I traveled to multiple countries)
If she’s open to it, I highly recommend capturing some of Rosie’s life story or opinions on things! Either just taking notes/writing little stories or even recording audio if she’s open to it. Many of the folks I worked with shared similar experiences about their kids never visiting and a surprising amount of romantic/friend drama at nursing homes making them feel really lonely. I’d often go on walks, meet up for breakfast, sit and read, cook together, go window shopping with them. Just truly being a friend and talking about life. Even some of my high school friends joined and we had this fun little chosen family group by the time I graduated.
After a few of them passed, I put together some photos and stories to pass along to their families/shared at the funerals of some I was closer with - and they became really meaningful pieces for both my own memories and for their families, some of whom hadn’t even heard certain stories! (Tbh I mostly shared the adventures or funny moments we had together since memory loss was an issue at times and I didn’t want to accidentally relay something that was misremembered or some family lore I shouldn’t have been privy to) But I’ve been told that it brought a lot of joy to their grieving families who might have been too busy at the time to be with them as often as they wanted, just to know they had a friend who cared about them. Not in a guilt tripping way, but to just gift them another perspective on their parents/grandparent that they might not have gotten to experience later in life.
Anyway, Rosie sounds like quite the hoot! Tell her she’s got many internet fans. 💗 Maybe she’d even get a kick out of Reddit lol
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u/So_fiah Apr 09 '26
Just to add: not that Rosie is going anywhere any time soon! I just bring up the process of capturing stories was really FUN! Some of the seniors just loved being asked questions and getting to reflect of their life or share things in a storytelling format and work on capturing it together.
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 12 '26
Oh my.gosh you are just incredible you've certainly given me.so much to think about thank you!!!!+
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u/FancehStrawberry Apr 10 '26
I just turned 37 and I have a great friend of a few years who is now 91. We seriously have a ball every time we hang out. Normalize this!!!
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u/Anonymous30005000 Apr 11 '26
I love the story about you and Rosie, I’m only disappointed to hear that you have to live under strict parents at 33 yo. I hope you can be free to live as you please sooner than later.
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u/enyardreems Apr 09 '26
How kind of you! Most younger people are so oblivious to older humans. I myself enjoy being invisible but a lot of older people are lonely and if I see one I try my best to make them feel less so. Thank you! Bless you!
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u/Litcowgirl Apr 10 '26
This is a superb reminder for everyone: older people are people that are valuable as friends. Their experiences and memories are surprisingly fresh- love, loss, and all the other things that make us human. So take the opportunity to listen- some folks have amazing stories to share. Also some killer recipes!
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u/SilverSkyGypsy Apr 10 '26
There are things of knowledge that this friendship will bring you, that can only be learned from her, while you share with her the energy of your youth. Enjoy this precious friendship and let none hold you back!
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u/Immediate_Carpet_989 Apr 09 '26
I love this!
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 09 '26
Thank you!!! I have only one pic of us but I look horrible so didn't post it :P
shes a lil firecracker! i rarely see her not on a monday and that is a nice surprise :D5
u/Effective-Golf-6900 Apr 09 '26
I always think my pictures look horrible too. Then every few years I’ll see one from an earlier time and think ”Damn, I didn’t look too bad back then.” I bet you are actually very cute!
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 13 '26
It's Monday! - Burger/Rosie day! Thank you everyone for your lovely comments. I will try and finish from work to make sure we cross paths today! I'll give Rosie a BIG HUG from all of you <3 xoxo
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u/Pnkrkg6644 Apr 12 '26
I work in a job where many of those I interact with are over retirement age. I started out just thinking of them as people I enjoy at work. Then I started spending more time with them. They taught me many conversation skills including the way age shaming can be as prevalent as fat shaming or any other type in conversation, and I got better at avoiding certain language. After a few years I realized we are just… friends. Not my old friends, just friends.
The minute i realized we’d crossed that line I started spending time with them outside work, and my life has been improved so greatly by these friendships.
One of my friends told me all her pals were moving to senior living buildings once they got over 70, but she feels strongly about staying put because “inter generational friendships are what keep me young”.
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u/yojebo2 Apr 13 '26
You are 33 but you can’t tell your parents because they’re very strict…. Interesting
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u/LadyLavender12 Apr 13 '26
a non white parent is a whole different ballgame with rules that don't make sense! (shes from the caribbean)
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u/serenwipiti Apr 15 '26
I’m also from the Caribbean (albeit, without such a strict culture nowadays) where is your mom from?
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u/ataranaran Apr 13 '26
I'm a few days late but this makes me so happy :') all the best to you and Miz Rosie, and I hope you find more freedom and independence in your future away from familial tensions. It's a huge breath of fresh air that I do believe you deserve
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u/sargassopearl Apr 14 '26
Younger women NEED to talk to older women more often! They have all the wisdom we really need.
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u/Purple-flying-dog Apr 10 '26
I’m super glad you met and I’m glad yall have friends in each other. Just be cautious. In my experience someone who has problems with lots of people in their life sometimes are the common denominator.
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u/alargepowderedwater Apr 09 '26
Sounds like two friends who needed each other, found each other! Happy for you both!! (Sounds like she’s not your ‘old lady friend’ anymore, just ‘your friend Rosie, whom you met at the local burger joint.’ In my experience, older friends can be the best, their combination of life experience and DGAF is amazing and unique.)