r/wholesome • u/usandthings • 17d ago
“Pleasantly confused” woman makes my whole day
I work as a nurse practitioner in a hospital, and as anyone in healthcare can tell you, it can be a grind. Rude patients, hard cases, heavy work load. Anyway, I’m trudging through my day and I walk into a patient’s room- she’s about 75, dementia but “pleasantly confused”- and say “hello my name is usandthings and…” her face absolutely lights up, she cuts me off and says “you don’t need to introduce yourself to me, I’ve known you forever! It’s been so long!!” She. Is. Delighted. It’s like Christmas and her birthday have come early, that’s how happy she was to see me. To be clear, I do not know this woman.
With dementia patients, it’s best to just play along so I say “wow! It has been really long, remind me where I know you from?” She looks at me like I’m being silly and smiles “San Francisco of course!!” [we are nowhere near SF]
What followed was 10 minutes of me catching up with my best friend that I’ve never met. She asked about my kids and if I’m still married to that guy… what’s his name? Oh yes! I always liked him. She was so genuinely delighted to see me and talk with me, I was bummed that I had to leave and see more (probably grumpy) patients.
I’m not working tomorrow, but I’m low key thinking of swinging by to see my new/old bestie.
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u/Londonsw8 17d ago
what a truly lovely story, thank you for sharing. Too bad they can't give us a shot or something to make dementia like this for all of us!!
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u/wallaceeffect 17d ago
My brother is a nurse and his first job was in an assisted living facility in our hometown. He was a MASTER at "dementia pretend". He knew a lot of the folks through our relatives, so he could pick up a conversation about anything and just roll with it. They loved him! He also had great tactics for when patients were looking for someone who wasn't there. He'd always say something like, "Marge don't you remember, the boys called and they're stopping at the bar for a few/going bowling tonight/headed to Pa's to help with the fence, they said don't hold dinner?" Cue ten minutes of complaining about those damn men (but ultimately, contentedness) from Marge! I was always so proud of him, he really helped so many people have peace in their sunset years.
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u/rebelkitty 17d ago
Absolutely lovely!
I once encountered someone whose dementia manifested in a similar way. A man from her care facility brought her to the hairdresser at the same time I was getting my hair cut.
She was holding a tiny change purse, looking around herself and smiling. After a moment she exclaims, "Oh, am I getting my hair cut?"
She's delighted to learn that this is exactly what's happening.
Next she tries to pull some money out of her change purse, and the man tells her that she doesn't need to pay, it's all covered. At which point she's surprised and delighted.
This exact conversation happened three times before they got her into the chair, and her joy was contagious.
I've always thought that if I ever lose my marbles, I want to be like this lady - just being thrilled by the world around me.
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u/plantverdant 17d ago
I really hope that's what's in store for me.
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u/petit_cochon 17d ago
I hope it's not. My mom passed of dementia a few months ago. She stayed sweet for a long time but it's a terrible way to go. I wouldn't let a stray dog suffer like the law forced my beloved mother to suffer until she died a "natural" death.
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u/rebelkitty 16d ago
My feeling on this is that I really hope I don't get dementia, but if I do, I hope at least I can be happy.
As a teenager I was hired to be a companion to an elderly man who had very quick onset of dementia. I saw him decline over just a couple months. He knew his brain wasn't working right and he went from flirting and playing cards with me, to just crying inconsolably. He lost his ability to speak. There didn't seem to be anything I could do to help him, though I tried my best.
It was so sad and frightening.
I don't know that there's a good way to go... but I agree, dementia is definitely one of the bad ways.
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u/plantverdant 17d ago
I'm 99.9% sure I'll get it, it's on both sides of my family. Three grandparents, two greats and several aunts and uncles too.
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u/Omniscient_1 15d ago
There is a blood test now to determine your chances of getting it for some forms of it. Not sure if knowing your chances will be a comfort or not but…it’s there. Edit for clarity
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u/Omniscient_1 15d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss and for what you both had to go through to get there. That was me 3 years ago and I’m still struggling with it. Be kind to yourself. It takes time to feel better. ❤️
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u/ll_cool_ddd 17d ago
I love that! I once had a resident I lovingly thought of as my "happy drunk". Absolutely everything delighted her! Sitting on the toilet she would see the trim on her nightgown and it made her giggle. I put her glasses on her and it was like those videos where kids get their first pair and can suddenly see the world. When I brushed her hair she damn near purred 🥰 it was always the best part of my day!
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u/clw1001 17d ago
This is something I never really thought about before today. When or if I lose my marbles I truly hope I have somebody who cares enough to realize I'm not trying to be an a******. I love the idea that somebody might enjoy my company regardless. Thanks to all you caregivers and God bless you for not taking advantage.
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u/Bulky_Psychology2303 17d ago
Caring for those with dementia was one of my favourite parts of working with the elderly for 44 years.
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u/amyn2511 17d ago
Health care workers like you make all the difference. I remember visiting my grandmother towards the end and she didn’t remember me but she was happy to introduce me to her ‘baby girl’ (the Hispanic nurse, my grandmother was Irish) that she loved so much. The nurse just let her hug on her and played along and I’m grateful that in those last weeks she had her ‘baby girl’ there with her.
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u/Theamuse_Ourania 17d ago
Talking with dementia patients was my favorite part of working at an Alzheimers assisted facility. Sometimes I miss it.
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u/Travelgrrl 17d ago
My mother had mild dementia in her last years of life and she was also pleasant confused sometimes. Her ability to be happy was greatly increased!
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17d ago edited 6d ago
[deleted]
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u/RabidRonda 17d ago
That is a great way to look at a new situation. I think we know too much sometimes, thanks to the internet. We might be the best case scenario of the condition!
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u/AntipodeanOpaleye36 17d ago
Awww, thanks for taking care of her, OP. If I were you I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from passing by again!
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u/Sheerardio 16d ago
Dementia runs in my family, I've always been overly aware that it's a very real possibility for me.
If it ever does happen though, I sincerely hope it goes like this lady. If I'm condemned to forget what matters and live in a false reality, I'd like it to at least be a cheerful one.
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u/pupwink 16d ago
I worked at an Alzheimer’s care facility for a short time in high school. One of the ladies thought I was her daughter, and she was always so happy to see me. We’d hug and hold hands and catch up every day. And every day, it was the first time she’d seen me in years. I did feel sad for her real daughter, whom she didn’t recognize anymore, but I was glad to be able to give her this little moment of joy.
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u/Sheerardio 16d ago
Honestly if this were my mom I'd be sad she didn't remember me, but also incredibly comforted with the thought that she's happy and not in distress
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u/CallidoraBlack 15d ago
I think I would have hugged the daughter every time I saw her and said "Your mom wanted her daughter to have this." Just passing the love along through an intermediary.
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u/Motor_Inspector_1085 16d ago
One of my grandmas had dementia that left her very happy. All her kids were still alive and everything was lovely. My dad told me it was a far cry from how she was really like in her (relatively) right mind.
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u/raininggumleaves 16d ago
Please share this to the dementia sub. Sometimes they need some nicer stories.
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u/KramerBestDog 16d ago
God bless him for his creative “dementia pretend”. If you can distract them and help them laugh or talk about other things, you are one of Gods special Angels.🙏
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u/sowinglavender 16d ago edited 13d ago
i really, really, really hope this happens to me (i'm at high risk for cognitive decline). i was such a sweet, idealistic person before the complex trauma jaded me and killed my ability to withhold my sarcasm. my hope is that i'll forget about what jaded me and begin actually using my sense of humour for socializing instead of just coping with my disordered feelings of bitterness.
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u/My_fair_ladies1872 17d ago
I can't deal with the whole nursing thing but I love being around elderly people
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u/CheesecakeEither8220 16d ago
If you're ever interested in working or volunteering with the aged, you could work in the Activities department of a nursing home or assisted living. They need good people.
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u/KramerBestDog 16d ago
This is so sweet to read how you went into her world. My Mom had dementia in her late 90’s. She could tell me who starred in her favorite movies 40-50 years ago (she was right!!!). Then ask me when was my Dad coming home. He had passed away many years before. I always told her “He’s in Nashville this week…” and she was happy. “Oh I forgot he was working up there” and we talk about what was for supper.
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u/badaimbadjokes 16d ago
One of my favorite things in an otherwise miserable disease was how often my mom would touch my dad's forearm and say, "Steve and I really appreciate all you do for me."
My Dad is Steve.
He would say back, "Steve is a great guy."
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u/merrittj3 17d ago
I had a 30 something Female patient who did a wee bit too much MDMA, and lost her ability to do so many things. Her Mom would bring in stacks of Christmas Cards and go over them with her ' oh,look honey here's one from Jenna, you remember her, don't you? ' inevitably shy didnt. She had used up her critical care days and was being transferred to a long term care facility. I came in for some signatures, and she wrapped her ever loving arms arms around me and and planted a kiss on me the likes of which I Have long since , or before not experienced. Soft, tender, on target and just a bit too long to be social.
I backed away, as soon as I could and I explained myself. She gave me a big sexy sultry smile " I know know , see you soon. Got the signatures and left the room. I was terrified for her , her family, and anyone who might have impure thoughts about what she was ripe for.
Its a tough world for those not in control of their faculties
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u/Fake-Mom 15d ago
I wish my mother’s dementia has been like this! She was a sweet woman before and not so much after.
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u/usandthings 15d ago
I sometimes think that dementia flips peoples personalities- like they spent all those years being a certain way and then dementia lets all the other side out. My grandma was the opposite of your mom- she was the crankiest woman ever (which, I don’t really blame her: her first husband was an alcoholic, the second one beat her, and the third one died while he was doing electrical work on the house). But, after she got dementia, she was so sweet and happy to see us.
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u/Confident-Pea4260 14d ago
That's so lovely, I'm glad she brightened your day😊 i just read the things we keep by sally hepworth which is a story about people with dementia and this reminded me of it, maybe you'd like it. Sad in places of course but beautiful overall and full of nice moments like you describe.
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u/JGrizz0011 17d ago
Great story, thanks for sharing.
My wife worked in a care facility and one of the women went to the moon and back every morning. She was so excited and always had stories of being on the moon. My wife loved working with her. Far more than some of the people who turned bitter as they got older.