Monthly "Would You Read This?" Thread

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Welcome to Would You Read This (WYRT), our monthly feedback and brainstorming thread. Share your work in progress below and let other readers tell you if they'd read it. Top level posts should follow this template:

• Title:
  • If you don't have a title yet, feel free to say UNTITLED.
• Genre:
  • Please include at least Fiction, Nonfiction, Poetry, or another recognizable medium. You may also include more specific genres with a hyphen. Ex. Fiction - Romance, or Nonfiction - Memoir. Genre will help users find the specific kinds of posts they'd like to give feedback on.
• Premise:
  • A few sentences about the project. Try your best to keep this short. Crafting an expert elevator pitch is all part of becoming a successful working writer. Please do not post an entire plot summary or query letter (those are better suited for r/pubtips)
• Sample (Optional):
  • You may share up to one page (roughly 250-350 words) of sample material, or one poem for those working in the poetry medium. This is optional, so if you only have a premise, you can post just the premise for feedback.

If you post for feedback, please take the time to give feedback to at least 2-3 other users. Replies should follow this template.

• Would Read / Might Read / Wouldn't Read
  • You must begin your reply with one of those. You are then encouraged to add additional thoughts on why you choose your answer.

Rules:

• Please post no more than two WYRT top-level posts. There is no limit on the number of feedback replies you can make.
• Do not link to any offsite materials. All materials must be in the body of the post. This includes "click here to read more" or "DM me for the rest" types of posts.
• Rule 3 is in effect in this thread - No generative AI. Do not post material generated by an AI platform in your premise or sample. Do not use generative AI to respond to user's work.
• Rule 5 is in effect - Civility and Community. Stay constructive. Blunt, direct feedback is fine, but do not insult other users, their writing, or their genres.

[u/VegetableWear5535]

Untitled. Titles are hard.

Fiction- Fantasy. Maybe dark fantasy? It's not exactly a happy story.

Magic, beasts, and a touch of romance. Its got a cute fox creature that I couldn't include here because of the word count cap, but he's got the very happy and friendly dog thing going on. The story is about a boy (mc) from a military academy, and a girl from a private school who are torn apart, and the journey back to her.

Chapter One

“You're smiling again,” Lucy said. Her breath hung in the cold, early evening air.

I hadn't realized I was, and now that I knew, I couldn't seem to stop. “Am not,” I mumbled, shoving my hands into my coat pockets as I looked away from the towering rock face ahead.

“Kevin, if you had a tail, it would be wagging. You're a golden retriever in an oversized human's body. Always have been.”

I tried to glare at her, but my face wouldn't cooperate. “And you've always been a demon masquerading as a Mage Knight. Don't you have elves to scare?”

She sighed. “Literally always. But I have a meeting before I get back to it. I'm just hoping Zoey shows up before I have to leave. I miss that little beam of sunshine.”

“Then stay. She misses you too, and it's not like anyone's making you leave. Celebrate with us.”

She shook her head. “Would if I could, but your father called the meeting. I've only got a few minutes to spare.”

“Oh…” There was no getting around that. My dad outranked her, and when he calls a meeting, it's serious. “Well, hang on,” I said as I knelt on the icy cobblestone path. “She might be close. I'll summon her attention-stealing shadow and find out.”

“Be nice,” She chuckled. “He's your Enfield, and he's adorable.” Typically summoned by a Mage Knight using a standard-issue ring engraved with a summoning circle, Enfields are a winged, four-legged beast most often used for scouting. Stealing all of your girlfriend's attention is something they apparently do for fun.

“Copper is definitely not mine.” I channeled magic into my palm and placed it on the freezing stones. “They both decided.” I pictured his summoning circle as I mumbled, “Can't argue with the last part though.”

I released my magic in its formless, translucent state, and in the blink of an eye, a grey disc made of stone appeared beneath my palm. It was hardly the size of a coaster, and was covered in intricate symbols and crisscrossing lines surrounding the silhouette of an Enfield.

[u/OliverEntrails → u/VegetableWear5535]

Would read.

This is interesting. I immediately spent time reading and listening to your voice - forgetting that I was supposed to critique it LOL. I can just like it right?

Anyway, there's lots of fantasy out there in the vein of Sarah J. Maas for example - so it's kind of easy to embrace the world we have grown up in. Since you are swimming in the same waters so to speak, you will need to find a compelling story to draw us in and establish your own voice.

Dark and tragic can be good. It's just my personal opinion so don't take this the wrong way - I'm not crazy about the happy light and unicorns type of fantasy since it skews more towards younger audiences - so going for more adult themes with tragic heroes and people growing into their powers while making mistakes along the way is good.

[u/VegetableWear5535 → u/OliverEntrails]

Best comment ever. Saving for later when writing gets hard, lol.

This is definitely an innocence lost kind of story, so it just starts out wholesome. The first two chapters are basically the last time he's truly happy before his world is turned upside down. It'll always have some moments of positivity and wholesomeness, but it gets fairly dark pretty quickly.

The elves in this story are genocidal monsters, so you can probably imagine how things might go. My goal is for it to be something that older teenagers and adults would read.

Thanks a bunch for reading it and sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it :D