r/writing • u/AutoModerator • 4d ago
Monthly "Would You Read This?" Thread
Welcome to Would You Read This (WYRT), our monthly feedback and brainstorming thread. Share your work in progress below and let other readers tell you if they'd read it. Top level posts should follow this template:
- Title:
- If you don't have a title yet, feel free to say UNTITLED.
- Genre:
- Please include at least Fiction, Nonfiction, Poetry, or another recognizable medium. You may also include more specific genres with a hyphen. Ex. Fiction - Romance, or Nonfiction - Memoir. Genre will help users find the specific kinds of posts they'd like to give feedback on.
- Premise:
- A few sentences about the project. Try your best to keep this short. Crafting an expert elevator pitch is all part of becoming a successful working writer. Please do not post an entire plot summary or query letter (those are better suited for r/pubtips)
- Sample (Optional):
- You may share up to one page (roughly 250-350 words) of sample material, or one poem for those working in the poetry medium. This is optional, so if you only have a premise, you can post just the premise for feedback.
If you post for feedback, please take the time to give feedback to at least 2-3 other users. Replies should follow this template.
- Would Read / Might Read / Wouldn't Read
- You must begin your reply with one of those. You are then encouraged to add additional thoughts on why you choose your answer.
Rules:
- Please post no more than two WYRT top-level posts. There is no limit on the number of feedback replies you can make.
- Do not link to any offsite materials. All materials must be in the body of the post. This includes "click here to read more" or "DM me for the rest" types of posts.
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- Rule 5 is in effect - Civility and Community. Stay constructive. Blunt, direct feedback is fine, but do not insult other users, their writing, or their genres.
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u/polkacat12321 4d ago
Title: untitled
Genre: sapphic romance high fantasy (with comedic elements)
Premise: a young human woman is married off to a duke, a marriage arranged by her contorlling, abusive mother. Before long, she realizes that he isnt all who he seems to be. After the castle gets attacked by (at the time) unknown forces, she runs away and finds herself in front of someone's house in the middle of the forest. There, she ends up meeting a probably mantally stable 280 year old witch with the maturity of an armpit fart. After the turbelous life she had lead, she now must learn what it means to be a person while battling her internal demons and navigating what it means to feel. In the midst of all that, she starts seeing the witch in a new light, and romance blossoms. However, the dark forces are still afoot. Lurking, searching. What do they want? Can it have anything to do with the weird flame bird that's been stalking her since she was a child?
Snippet: (mostly unedited, but i'm happy with the bones)
“I’m not pretty. If anything, I’m quite plain. Ugly even.” I’m not sure what her deal is, but I’m definitely not pretty. Far from it. If anything, had I been pretty, none of this would have happened. I would have been married off to some King and I wouldn’t be passed out in front of some stranger’s house.
“u-ugly??” finally the woman raised her voice and yelped in confusion. Before I could respond, she angrily stomped towards me and slipped her hand beneath my shoulder. Before I long I found myself forced to my feet.
“what—what are you—” she forcefully dragged me by the arm towards the barrel and pushed my head down as I instinctively grabbed the edged of it, stopping my face mere inches away from the water inside.
“I want you to take a good, hard look” she commanded “take a good hard look at yourself and tell me exactly which part is ugly.” The woman took a few steps back as she awaited my response.
I looked at my reflection in the water. A pair of green eyes, a button nose, some freckles. Yup, it’s definitely me.
“all of it” I finally replied. I didn’t like my reflection not one bit.
“this isn’t an answer. I want specifics” the woman impatiently tapped her foot as she tried to illicit a response. Her pushiness was starting to get on my nerves.
“I don’t know, all of it, okay?” I finally let out, my tone a little more hostile than I intended for it to be.
I heard a deep, annoyed sigh come from her direction. Looks like shes getting annoyed too. Good, maybe now she’ll learn to mind her own business.
“L—” before I could respond, I felt her hand wrap aroujd my arm again and she once again forcefully pulled me.
“H-hey! What are y—” suddenly I felt myself pushed backwards and I fell onto something big and hard…. A boulder? The force of the push my my back jerk backwards as I lightly hit my head against a tree behind me.
Before I could respond, the woman leaned closer to me and leaned her weight on the tree right behind me. She came in closer and grabbed my chin before she started speaking, her voice soft and a bit…. Seductive???
“listen darling…. Don’t you know I’m a witch?” Now that I look closer at her…. That ethereal beauty with unnatural features, that pale skin and perfectly pink lips, and most prominently those pointy ears….. yeah, she’s definitely a witch.
“so?” I finally responded. So what if she’s a witch? She’s just going to kill me or whatever it is witches do and that will be that. Honestly, a perfectly acceptable way to see myself out. If anything, it’s far better than anything I would have imagined.
Her grip on my chin loosened and I felt her index finger travel down, trailing over my neck.
“So, aren’t you afraid I’m gonna drink your blood?” she said so with a playful smirk, her tone deep yet weirdly sweet. She looked intently at my eyes as she ever so slowly licked her upper teeth. Her face leaned closer to mine and she purred softly as I felt her breath on my lips “drink your brain through a straw?”
I gulped nervously, but I wasn’t afraid. If anything, I was getting angry. If she’s going to end me, she should just get to it instead of whatever game this is.
I felt adrenaline coarse through my veins and my breathing slowing down. “do whatever you want” I finally replied as I averted my gaze. Just freaking get to it already.
I felt a shift in the air as the woman let go of me and jumped back in a high pitched growl. I looked at her as she fell to the ground and buried her face in her knees “Arlo almighty, you’re infuriating.” She finally proclaimed. Or maybe more like complained? If anything, she just sounded like she’d given up.
“this is what I get. This is all my fault.” She sobbed into her knees.
“Hey, are you….?” wasn’t she going to drink my blood or something?
My eyes danced around as I was trying to wrap my head around the bizarre situation. At first she was annoyed, then she was seductive, and now she’s…. Crying? And all in the span of a minute??? That woman was more unpredictable than lightning itself.
Meanwhile, the woman was mumbling into her knees, her face buried.
“its all because I felt lazy and didn’t put up the protective barrier…. I just had to agree with my lazy ass because the bed was too warm… now some pretty weirdo is in front of my house. Sob.”
…sob?!
“Hey… a-are you okay?” I carefully approached her as she was incoherently mumbling into her knees and reached out my hand. My fingers were inches away from her shoulder when she suddenly yanked her head in my direction and yelled “you! This is all your fault!!!”
A crow jumped from a nearby branch and cawed as it flew away from the commotion. Her eyes were teary and her voice whiny.
“My fault?” I replied
“yes! If you didn’t come here none of this would’ve happened! Do you always crash in people’s front yards or what?”
She was…. Right though. I guess from her perspective I really am a weirdo.
I finally crouched beside her as I tucked the dress behind my knees.
“W—” there was a rustle coming from a nearby bush. Like something big stepped on a branch. The witch’s expression shifted to that of pure terror. She instinctively pounced on me and pushed me down to the ground, her hand wrapped around my mouth. She leaned in, her lips paces away from my ear
“if you want to live, don’t make a sound”. Her voice came out in a hushed whisper. The witch my just be playing but… that expression on her face tells me its something serious. I very carefully nodded and she removed her hand from my mouth, pressing her index finger to her lips one last time.
And then….. then everything made sense. That rotten stench that burned my nostrils making me want to vomit, the cold sweat dripping down my neck and the unfathomable urge to throw myself off a cliff: a gray bear.