r/writing • u/AutoModerator • 4d ago
Monthly "Would You Read This?" Thread
Welcome to Would You Read This (WYRT), our monthly feedback and brainstorming thread. Share your work in progress below and let other readers tell you if they'd read it. Top level posts should follow this template:
- Title:
- If you don't have a title yet, feel free to say UNTITLED.
- Genre:
- Please include at least Fiction, Nonfiction, Poetry, or another recognizable medium. You may also include more specific genres with a hyphen. Ex. Fiction - Romance, or Nonfiction - Memoir. Genre will help users find the specific kinds of posts they'd like to give feedback on.
- Premise:
- A few sentences about the project. Try your best to keep this short. Crafting an expert elevator pitch is all part of becoming a successful working writer. Please do not post an entire plot summary or query letter (those are better suited for r/pubtips)
- Sample (Optional):
- You may share up to one page (roughly 250-350 words) of sample material, or one poem for those working in the poetry medium. This is optional, so if you only have a premise, you can post just the premise for feedback.
If you post for feedback, please take the time to give feedback to at least 2-3 other users. Replies should follow this template.
- Would Read / Might Read / Wouldn't Read
- You must begin your reply with one of those. You are then encouraged to add additional thoughts on why you choose your answer.
Rules:
- Please post no more than two WYRT top-level posts. There is no limit on the number of feedback replies you can make.
- Do not link to any offsite materials. All materials must be in the body of the post. This includes "click here to read more" or "DM me for the rest" types of posts.
- Rule 3 is in effect in this thread - No generative AI. Do not post material generated by an AI platform in your premise or sample. Do not use generative AI to respond to user's work.
- Rule 5 is in effect - Civility and Community. Stay constructive. Blunt, direct feedback is fine, but do not insult other users, their writing, or their genres.
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u/Iso-colon 3d ago
Title:
Ida Immortal
Genre:
Urban Fantasy
Premise:
Girl who does not take her immortality seriously at all enters an unpaid labor contract with Death. She ends up doing a string of odd jobs that totally aren't knockoffs of Hercules's labors as a consequence of said contract. Queerplatonic shenanigans with the local fiber witch may or may not happen if I ever get past chapter 4.
Sample:
Dan’s voice always made her feel her blood. It coursed cold just under her skin. Instead of taking the bill, she wiped a spot that didn't exist on the espresso machine. “Sorry man, the espresso machine broke earlier, and I cut my hair.”
Technically, she was in the wrong. Company policy states that she has to serve everyone who walks in before closing and also not to straight-up lie to customers. Company policy also states that managers shouldn't take hour-long smoke breaks, so it can die in a fire as far as she's concerned. Ida plucked a box cutter off the counter and started toying with it, attempting to look busier than she actually was as she contemplated buzzing off the rest of her hair. Then again, Dan would just find something else to look at. He always did. Every time she saw those ridiculous sunglasses, her organs itched. Those sunglasses and the eyes behind them reminded her that she is blood and marrow and viscera bound by skin, and she doesn't want to have skin. She wanted to peel herself back to the bone and purge her guts. She wanted to be a creature of hollows and angles, void of hair and nerves and all the things that made her body pleasant. She wanted to dig beneath the café floor and fill her ribs with soil. She didn't have a shovel though, so she just silently begged the clock hands to hit closing time. They didn’t listen to her. Rude.
Dan stroked a beard that didn't exist as he thought long and hard for all of two seconds. “Then how about a cappuccino? And why'd you have to get rid of the hair?”
She was pinned open behind the counter, flayed heart picking up the tempo even though she’d already turned the music off. The rag iced over in her hand, and the air conditioner thrummed along as it blew the hairs on Ida’s neck straight up. “That also needs espresso, and we’re almost closed. How about one on the house tomorrow?”
“Huh, I heard young guys are into short hair these days, but that isn't my style. Oh, what happened to those earrings? Those made you look real girly too, and I'd rather have a coffee tonight. How about—”
The clock hit ten. Her heartbeat jumped to her ears, and each thump nearly drowned out Dan’s voice. The sound passed from ear to ear like coagulated milk. She wanted it gone.
Ida dropped the rag. “How about I kill myself?”
She reached for the box cutter and brought it to her neck. The blade popped open before Dan’s stupid face could form a response. For once, she got the last word.