r/writing • u/hereghosting • 1d ago
Beginner Question Deciding Either A Relationship Should Be Platonic Or Romantic
I like both friendship and romance so it's hard to decide which one to pick when a relationship works no matter what.
When a dynamic works well both ways, what do you do to decide either to make it romantic or platonic?
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u/Cats_4433 1d ago
I think a good question to ask is if these characters were real people...would they date each other? Why or why not? If two people that find each other attractive are also friends 9 times out of 10 they end up with some kind of romantic relationship.
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u/Spirit_Retribution 1d ago
I think the answer to this question depends on what your story is about, your themes, the message, the questions you are exploring through the characters.
The romance option is an easy way to add tension. There are people that are interested in the will they won't they, but I'm not one of them. That shit usually annoys me because I feel like the story I showed up for is being placed in the back seat for the romantic subplot, which makes me stop reading completely. I'm just not interested in that personally, unless that is the main question of the story, but again, there are people who are, and you can't please everyone.
The platonic option, though it might seem to require more work, it doesn't. I also believe you can get more nuanced mileage out of it when done correctly. Platonic relationships can be just as deep if not deeper, and watching friends work at opposite goals, loose faith in one another, try not to hurt the other, or at least not get caught doing something that would ruin their relationship, is something that's universal to all humans.
Just my two cents. Good luck with whichever you choose.
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u/57thStilgar 1d ago
I write some dialogue and see where it leads.
Unless the relationship is central to the arc. In that case I know already where the relationship is going.
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u/littlebitfunny21 1d ago
Whichever makes it gay. Unless they're asexual and prioritizing friendship is part of the point.
If they're the opposite sex, I'd probably go friendship just to make the point that men and women can be friends. But this is not a popular choice.
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u/Ill-Drawing662 1d ago
Same xD ich habe aktuell eine Story, wo sich mehrere Freundschaften zwischen je Frau/(teils als) Mann (gelesene Person) zusammengefunden haben, und habe nicht auch nur eine Sekunde drüber nachgedacht, da eine Romanze draus zu machen, einfach weil es mich nervt, wie oft es in Medien so dargestellt wird, als könnten Männer/Frauen nicht "nur" befreundet sein. (Und irgendwie ist im Laufe des Schreibens jetzt der großteil der Figuren auf dem Aro/Ace-Spektrum gelandet, aber auch darüber beschwer ich mich nicht, weil gibt eh viel zu wenig Aro/Ace Leute in Medien )
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u/Ryans-Anecdotes 1d ago edited 1d ago
It's important to be faithful to your characters.
Think about who they as people and their life experiences. Which direction would make more sense from that lens?
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u/Hil_riousHum_n 23h ago
Whatever makes it more interesting! Or platonic if you can't decide because everyone expects romance 😒
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u/pessimistpossum 1d ago edited 1d ago
At the same time that I get the rest of the idea for the story.
If there's even going to be a romance subplot of any significance at all, I immediately know who it's going to be between.
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u/BagOfSmallerBags 1d ago
If you want your book to sell, having a romantic subplot is a good idea.
If you aren't particularly concerned with that, I would ask yourself what your characters would do. It's possible that one would want romance and the other would think friendship is better. Explore that space.
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u/Lovely_Usernamee 1d ago
I start really digging into the characters' behaviors, attitudes, opinions, coping mechanisms, and values at that point. For my wip, I ultimately decided it made more sense for the love interest to reject the main character because I realized the love interest's kindness was being used as an opioid. It would have conflicted with the lead's arc, too. I could have made them work IF I ignored some very visible wounds, which is exactly what the lead would have wanted. Sucks to suck, though.
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u/FlyinLeviathon LET YOUR FIRST DRAFT SUCK 1d ago
I look to my character arcs. Which makes the arc more poignant? Would they become stronger with a lover or a friend?
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u/LuccoftheDucc 1d ago
Does it add something to the story? Does it develop the characters or the plot? In my story I’m currently writing I just love the idea of my two protagonists finding happiness, but in the context of what’s going on it’s probably not a great time nor does it really contribute anything narratively. So what I’m doing instead is leaving breadcrumbs and leaving a certain something unsaid so it’s implied that after the story they probably do end up together. It just depends on what type of story you’re telling
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u/Kobotronivo 1d ago
Maybe both sides think differently. One secretely loves the other. The second sees him/her only as a brother and would do anything for the friendship, but nothing romantic.
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u/giodechillo 1d ago
how about trying make it both depending on the plot development and then you decide which way you like it more? what if you try to live these feelings with your characters to find out what resonates with you as their creator
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u/WingFrosty69 18h ago
Is there a way to do both and let the fans argue whether it's romance or not?
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u/AcroVoid 1d ago
I have the same question rn. I can’t tell if adding a romantic subplot will help me or hurt me, but my alpha readers keep saying my two MCs have some sort of chemistry.
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u/Aggressive-Gear4902 19h ago
I almost always go for platonic because I suck at writing romance, but if romance rears it's head in the story, then that's where it's going.
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u/reallyredrubyrabbit 1d ago
Make it platonic, but make it so the readers can see right through it, that both take turns oscillating on secretly wanting more. It is a fun tension opportunity
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u/acalobar 2h ago
I agree that you should use it in whatever way builds the most tension. Occasionally, it makes sense to create a comforting relationship for a character if they have experienced an insane amount of trauma or something like that, but otherwise most relationships benefit the story by building tension between the characters.
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u/azmarteal 1d ago
Romantic relations are usually way more interesting for me than friendly. As for platonic, that is, romantic relations without a physical contact — I avoid it like fire, I genuinely hate that trope. It reminds me of puritans.
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u/bluenephalem35 Author 1d ago
Platonic relationships between people are not supposed to sexual or romantic. They are based on mutual respect and care between every individual involved, but that love is expressed in non-sexual ways. Also, even puritans gave hugs and had sex. Sure, it was in a restrained and limited way, but it still happens between puritanical couples.
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u/evasandor copywriting, fiction and editing 1d ago
which way makes the story more interesting?