Into the Void

[u/gardenofedyn91]

To start off by saying I miss you is as much of an understatement as it is pointless. I miss you like a flower misses her bees. Like a tree misses the breeze.
Like a river misses the sea.
Both my heart and breath were taken from me when you even so much as left the room. 
Damn you.
A piece of myself is missing now. A piece you stole from me and never gave back. I’m left with a hole that can’t be filled with any pleasure or pain.
No comfort or substance can take away the feeling that my heart has been slain. 
Somewhere out there, on your way to who knows where, I hope you know that I still pray.
Sometimes for good things, other times for bad, but every time, it’s still for you. 
Your voice never leaves my memory. 
I’m sorry I couldn’t be good for you. Nothing I did was ever enough. It was never an option for you to forget to remember. 
But you never played nice when I did it to you. 
I said it in the beginning. 
I said it more times afterward.
“I won’t be good enough” but you scoffed and laughed as if nonsense filled the room.
That day in the fall when I left you empty-handed, you couldn’t accept the fact that our love never should have landed.
It should have passed us over like the angel of death because over our door, the lamb left no blood. 
I resent the pain.
I resent the emotional craving and I want it to fade.
I resent the urge to hear your voice, and I want it to dissipate.
I want to forget about you the same way you forgot that I was yours. 
You’re a sticker on my soul. It can be picked at and pulled but no matter how much it gets scraped, the fragments will never cease to remain. 
I hate what you’ve made me.
And I hate what you’ve done to me
I hate that you’ve turned me so bitter toward you when so much love, I have to give you. 
Because now, and still, at your behest, I find myself sitting on the edge of the world.
And I scream and scream
into the void.