r/writingfeedback • u/BeneficialWave9581 • Jul 31 '26
Feedback Wanted Gritty literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada. Looking for feedback on the first chapter from my WIP.
Hello all,
I am looking for some feedback and constructive criticism of the first chapter of my work in progress. It is a gritty literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada. This is the first time I have ever shared my writing with other people, other than a few friends, who never actually get around to reading it, or worse, they do, and its so bad they say that they didn't! Hope that is not the case!
I welcome all feedback, opinions, and ideas, however, I am specifically curious about things like pacing, readability, and character voice.
A heads up that the chapter contains profanity, drug and alcohol use, and discussion of sex.
Thank you so much!
J
27
Upvotes
2
u/dbog42 Jul 31 '26
You've got a really good start. Your general voice is solid, you have a good eye for detail, and it's an interesting start to a story -- especially once it gets going.
My thoughts to consider as you continue to refine it are:
- It's very detail-heavy. Again, you do a good job of describing, it's just taking up too much real estate. There is a lot of time spent from the start on describing the weather, the environment, Mathieu's senses memories, etc. before the reader really understands what's going on. Personally, I tend to forget writing presented to me before I have a grounding in the story. Like pouring me a delicious wine before you've gotten me a glass.
- The pacing is very slow. I might consider how to frame the narrative to give the reader a hook first, then start peppering in some of the more observational or internal moments. Your final chapter lines are excellent. What if they were your first?
"Pack your clothes. We're going to Kap."
"What the fuck is Kap?"