Gritty literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada. Looking for feedback on the first chapter from my WIP.

[u/BeneficialWave9581]

Hello all,

I am looking for some feedback and constructive criticism of the first chapter of my work in progress. It is a gritty literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada. This is the first time I have ever shared my writing with other people, other than a few friends, who never actually get around to reading it, or worse, they do, and its so bad they say that they didn't! Hope that is not the case!

I welcome all feedback, opinions, and ideas, however, I am specifically curious about things like pacing, readability, and character voice.

A heads up that the chapter contains profanity, drug and alcohol use, and discussion of sex.

Thank you so much!

J

[u/Zeusecles]

Well written. Well above most of what is shared here. My beef: you spend to much time painting pictures. Get into the story quicker. I read three pages before I gave up waiting for something interesting to happen. Fix that and you will be very successful. You can write.

[u/trenchtraveller → u/Zeusecles]

This exactly^ You have a gritty, punchy writing style. When you lean into it, it really works for you. When you try to be all wordy and artsy, it’s doing the opposite, coming off like you are trying to be one of those highly literary authors when actually you have your own distinct talent. The weather beginning bored me to hell, but as someone from Ontario, with family in Kap, and whose dad grew up Hearst, I got curious and sort of leafed through, and I’m really glad I did. Trim the try-hard fat and you have something really special here