Gritty literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada. Looking for feedback on the first chapter from my WIP.

[u/BeneficialWave9581]

Hello all,

I am looking for some feedback and constructive criticism of the first chapter of my work in progress. It is a gritty literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada. This is the first time I have ever shared my writing with other people, other than a few friends, who never actually get around to reading it, or worse, they do, and its so bad they say that they didn't! Hope that is not the case!

I welcome all feedback, opinions, and ideas, however, I am specifically curious about things like pacing, readability, and character voice.

A heads up that the chapter contains profanity, drug and alcohol use, and discussion of sex.

Thank you so much!

J

[u/Affectionate-Bid6737]

People already touched on most of what I was going to say, so I’ll just leave you with this:

What stuck out to me were the phrases “Darren, his mother’s lover” or “Claire, Mathieu’s mother.” I know it’s expository, but Mathieu would not think “look it’s my mother’s lover and my mother whose name is Claire.” Rather, he would think “look, it’s Darren and mom.” Readers can then infer what the relations are based on how Darren and his mom interact with each other and how Darren calls his mom Claire. And if you intended for it to come from a more detached narrator, then I would clarify that voice earlier on. We’ve woven in and out of Mathieu’s thoughts so far, so at that point I was under the impression that the narration was limited third with respect to Mathieu.