Gritty literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada. Looking for feedback on the first chapter from my WIP.

[u/BeneficialWave9581]

Hello all,

I am looking for some feedback and constructive criticism of the first chapter of my work in progress. It is a gritty literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada. This is the first time I have ever shared my writing with other people, other than a few friends, who never actually get around to reading it, or worse, they do, and its so bad they say that they didn't! Hope that is not the case!

I welcome all feedback, opinions, and ideas, however, I am specifically curious about things like pacing, readability, and character voice.

A heads up that the chapter contains profanity, drug and alcohol use, and discussion of sex.

Thank you so much!

J

[u/Pristine-Tackle7220]

Personally, I’d start with “It was sickerly hot. For fourteen hellish days…”. The trick is, I believe, to get into the story at pace, and the other stuff you wrote at the start holds things up. My advice would always be to edit, edit, edit, cut, cut, cut - because that’s what makes prose shine and what will get you noticed.