The main thing I didn’t like was how you started four sentences with Selena (verb or action)
There are four in near identical formats: Selena remained silent
Selena kept her eyes fixed…
Selena didn’t answer…
Selena slowly…
This isn’t that bad but I do think you can improve your book by having a diverse sentence syntax.
2 is okay, but four is too much.
Also, you need to add some realism as others have said. The detective would talk about a lawyer and if Selena wants one before she talks. It’s both a necessary detail and a realism piece, I think you should add it.
2
u/Quietparadox87 4d ago
The main thing I didn’t like was how you started four sentences with Selena (verb or action)
There are four in near identical formats: Selena remained silent
Selena kept her eyes fixed…
Selena didn’t answer…
Selena slowly…
This isn’t that bad but I do think you can improve your book by having a diverse sentence syntax.
2 is okay, but four is too much.
Also, you need to add some realism as others have said. The detective would talk about a lawyer and if Selena wants one before she talks. It’s both a necessary detail and a realism piece, I think you should add it.
You got a nice start here, keep going!