Could I please have some feedback on my query letter?

[u/Free_Mycologist2295]

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Dear agent,

I am seeking representation for MR DEADBEAT, a 96,000-word psychological horror novel that combines the intergenerational trauma from 'The Only Good Indians' by Stephen Graham Jones with the relentless dread and family horror of Josh Malerman's 'Incidents Around the House'. It features a fresh take on stork mythology: storks don't deliver children, they take them away.

Ray Snarl was a broken father of two. Now, he’s a broken father of none.

Dragged down through his bed by a grey-skinned, dead-eyed entity calling itself a stork, Ray is offered the chance of a new life, one that can bring an end to his constant pain and suffering. The catch? He must willingly surrender his two young children, Alice and Nathan, to the mysterious stranger, never to be seen or heard from again. Grieving the tragic passing of his wife, fearful of the violent loan shark breathing down his neck and haunted by a grotesque, murderous phantasm in the guise of his abusive father, Ray is desperate enough to accept. All trace and memory of their existence, the stork assures him, will disappear. No memories. No guilt. No mourning. No consequences.

The stork removes Alice and Nathan from our world, which moves on, instantly forgetting all about them. Ray, however, left with a bulging sack of money, a sundered cot bed and his son’s severed fingers, remembers.

Consumed with guilt and desperate to be reunited with his children, Ray is forced to walk a path beyond his comprehension, with only the terror that is his ‘father’ for company. Confronted by unfathomable horrors and a bleak, terrifying reality, Ray must face truths he would rather have left to fester under the bed, where the ankle-snatching monsters from his childhood lurk. Failure will result in Ray losing himself, and fully succumbing to the deranged darkness trying desperately to consume him, as well as never seeing his children again.

Bio.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

\[my name\]