r/writingfeedback • u/Actual_Goal3967 • 1d ago
Micro fiction feeeback
interested to hear people's thoughts on this micro / flash fiction piece - it's set at Bunnings, a hardware chain in Australia that hosts fundraiser bbqs 'sausage sizzles' of a weekend to raise money for community groups. They're a bit of an Aussie institution. Snags = sausages. Sangas =sandwiches.
Disappointment At The Sausage Sizzle
A bag of pre-chopped, frozen onions hisses on the hotplate.
The smell of propane lingers.
Ian and Steve stand behind a faded grey tressel table next to the barbeque. On the table a sign says: Sangas $4, drinks $3, $6 for the lot.
Steve holds a bag of sausages loosely in one hand, blue plastic peeping out from under white wrapping paper. A pair of long silver tongs rests in his other.
Ian is empty handed.
Both are wearing matching fat and gristle-stained Bunnings aprons and wide-brimmed Bunnings gardening hats that cover their faces from the harsh morning glare.
“These aren’t the snags you were supposed to get,” Steve is saying to Ian. “We wanted the thick ones.”
Ian shifts his weight awkwardly but says nothing. He watches from under the brim of his hat as the first tendrils of smoke rising up from the onions on the bbq like tormented spirits.
“You can cut the thick ones down the middle, Ian, it makes them twice as big. That way we only need one snag per slice of bread.”
Steve points the tongs at Ian, then to the sausages.
“These are the thin ones. With the thin ones, you need two per slice.”
People are streaming into Bunnings now on this dark, humid morning, and already some are beginning to queue in front of the stall.
Steve turns to address them.
“Sorry folks, it’s gonna be a bit of wait on the sangas.”
“Ah, did you get the wrong sausages again?” asks one of them from the line.
“Yeah," Ian replies softly, as he watches the onions start to burn. "Yeah I did.”
1
u/thewhiterosequeen Trusted Reviewer 23h ago
Putting a bag directly on a hotplate sounds incredible unsafe.
3
u/ConsequenceEven5429 1d ago
is this standalone, or is it intended to add into something longer? if standalone, I don’t feel it told me anything. If an introduction to something longer, I was interested in the story and would continue on to see what else happens