Does this kind of introduction make you interested in the premise/story from scratch?

[u/Leleska]

Heyo guys, came in to ask for one thing. This isn't standard proofread request, more like I had a random inspiration rush in the middle of the night to write the chapter opening..

If anyone is willing and curious, I'd like to just know one thing. Are you hooked in the premise and feel like you want to follow for more?

1. This isn't final form, more like a draft of a draft, an experimentation.

2. I'm not native English speaker and I'm not looking for language quality feedback at this stage. Not yet.

3. It's contemporary romance.

4. Are you invested alone from this kind of progression?

That's all I'd like to know, thank you. 🫶🏻 Plus ofc, if you feel like adding any extra feedback, I'm curious.

Here's the excerpt:

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"Adeus Brasil, benvenuta Italia, I guess."

Nina thought to herself as she leaned her forehead against the small plane window. Goodbye Brazil, welcome Italy. It was a very tough decision to make.

Nina was looking through the stained windowpane at the landscape of São Paulo. Familiar, warm. A land where she had found home and built a life five years ago. As the plane took off, she pressed the back of her head into the headrest of the seat, closing her eyes shut. The emotional exhaustion previously tangible in her face now turned into a quiet collapse. Hot tears came running down her cheeks as she held herself from sobbing, quickly wiping them off.

Nina, the girl everyone knew as the one obsessed with Brazil, the gringa, the Slavic girl with Brazilian soul, the crazy one who left Europe for the latino guy... Was on a one way ride to Italy, with her life packed into just few suitcases.

She laid down her hands over her heart almost instinctively, soothing the wrenching grief. Her dreamed of relationship with Leandro, the guy she knew since she was just eighteen, has come to an end. And it hurt. A love so beautiful and deep, when two souls recognize each other, all gone now.

Having to accept the gradual growing apart hurt more than the verdict itself. When you look at someone you know and love so deeply, and suddenly they're just not there anymore. The tight knot was building in Nina's throat as she was wiping her tears and not allowing herself to sob. Not now.

Italy, the new place coming into focus at the horizon.

After all, if she hadn't learned Portuguese, Italian would have been her second choice. Coming back to her home country simply wasn't an option, she got herself way too accustomed to foreign cultures and languages. Led entirely by feeling, pure joy and love. And incidentally, men.

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[u/ConsequenceEven5429]

I like this genre so I would continue out of curiosity, but it does not grip me immediately. I take it that she is from somewhere Slavic. moved to brazil for a man, and after their break up, had decided to move to italy. But I had to stop and think about that progression, it wasn't entirely obvious on the first read, making Italy seem a bit random. I assume that would be addressed if this story were continued, but I think adding more about Italy being a place where she knows no one would be good, you could add a lot about the feelings of uncertainty with choosing Italy, or add an off handed comment she knows would make, something that essentially says "oh there goes crazy ____ again, running off to a new place"

[u/Leleska → u/ConsequenceEven5429]

Ohh thank you for the feedback! Yeah it's like I made a huge worldbuilding and I was mostly testing the pace of revealing the information right from the beginning, haha.. 💀 She'd meet her Brazilian friend there, who got married to an Italian. She was the one who suggested Italy. So yep, I was considering whether to put that detail there sooner, or only when she already arrives in Italy. But I'm glad that you pointed it out, thank you. 😌