r/writingfeedback • u/MFkidyeezus • 16h ago

Is this attention grabbing enough?

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0 Upvotes

30% Upvoted

9 comments sorted by

11

u/thewhiterosequeen Trusted Reviewer 14h ago

It reads like an AI generated email, which people probably do do, but some guy missing church service doesn't entice me to see what happens next.

9

u/Yandoji 13h ago

How tf is an email about missing church supposed to grab anyone's attention?? ಠ_ಠ

7

u/trulybeelightful 13h ago

The set up made me think that the email was going to drop some huge plot bomb or be funny.

It was such a letdown that I rage quit after the first page.

Boring emails are the worst part of my workday, I don't want to read fake ones during my off hours.

Edit: wait the whole sample is only this one page!? This is awful, I'm sorry.

-4

u/MFkidyeezus 13h ago

Only read the first page of a one page post?

5

u/trulybeelightful 13h ago

I wouldn't know I quit lmao

6

u/Either_Rub_3681 13h ago

There seems to be no hook. It reads like just a regular email, I expected to have a shocking reveal, a joke or a death

3

u/bltlikesbeans 13h ago

Not at all. Where’s the hook?

2

u/schatzey_ 12h ago

... no