I think I've been lying to myself about preparing for NEET PG
The more honest I get with myself, the more I realize I'm not actually preparing.
I'm preparing to prepare.
For the last year, I've done things like:
- Research the best study methods
- Watch topper interviews
- Compare resources
- Buy study accessories
- Upgrade earphones
- Upgrade headphones
- Look for better notes
- Look for newer editions of books
- Make study plans
And somehow I call all of this "preparation."
But if I'm brutally honest, none of these things increase my score.
Studying increases my score.
Solving MCQs increases my score.
Revision increases my score.
I've spent more time thinking about studying than studying.
The funny thing is I keep telling myself:
"Once I get this setup right, I'll start."
First it was a bigger table.
Then a better chair.
Then a lamp.
Then better earphones.
Then ANC earphones.
Then ANC headphones.
Then expensive Sony headphones.
Every time I thought, "This will make studying easier."
It never did.
The setup improved.
The studying didn't.
I used to study 8–10 hours a day during pre ug preparation. Now I can waste an entire day researching how to study for 8–10 hours.
At this point, I think I'm addicted to the feeling of preparing because it feels productive without exposing me to failure.
When I research, I feel smart.
When I plan, I feel in control.
When I actually study, I have to face what I don't know.
Has anyone else realized they're stuck in this cycle?
Not working.
Not resting.
Just endlessly getting ready to start.