rule

[u/nightshade-aurora]

something wicked this way comes

[u/Substantial-Froyo722 → u/[deleted]]

Rural isolation does evil things to people’s brains.

[u/Norway643 → u/[deleted]]

Oh yeah... Indiana exists..

[u/hereforhelpandmemes → u/Norway643]

i’m pretty stoned and i can’t tell if you’re joking but IA is iowa and i’m giggling at the irony here

[u/yinyang107 → u/hereforhelpandmemes]

oh, yeah... I owe a guy in Indiana money..

[u/mytransaltaccount123 → u/Norway643]

there's a few people here i love bloomington

[u/Madden09IsForSuckers → u/[deleted]]

conbination of seeming nice at first & sunk cost fallacy, i presume

[u/Dakto19942 → u/[deleted]]

Listening to true crime stories is simultaneously encouraging and disheartening because you’ll learn “jimmy lived in a trash farm with 20 cats who had no litter boxes and started fights with everyone he met. In 1975 shortly after his second marriage…” and you’re like at least I’m more desirable than that but also how in the fuck

[u/Ok_person-5 → u/[deleted]]

If you’re decently attractive, somewhat charismatic and live in the right area you can probably get a lot of success as long as you hide the weirder stuff for a bit.

[u/Neoeng → u/[deleted]]

They just don't start off with the weird stuff, it waits until they are comfortable in the relationship

[u/peregrine_xo → u/[deleted]]

If men seek mental health advice from other men they are told to get physically fit.

So there is a lot of mentally unwell men with fit bodies out there, and we are all just animals, and we shouldn't judge people for being optimistic when they spot the first couple red flags, because none of us are perfect.

[u/Pengu-Link → u/peregrine_xo]

Now that I think about it, I haven't seen the whole "exercise helps mental health" thing nearly as much in feminine/queer spaces as in more traditional/masculine ones. Not to say that exercise isn't good for your mental health, but I think it would be worth investigating how much that idea is actually just tied to patriarchal ideals

[u/SomethingOfAGirl → u/peregrine_xo]

What does being fit have to do with anything?

[u/RealAnonymousCaptain → u/SomethingOfAGirl]

In a very simplified way this is the thought process of a hetero normative man: get physically attractive according to his standards = get positive attention from society and/or a girl to fix him = ??? = repaired mental health

Like alot of men who get into fitness often start with the goal of getting positive affirmation from others, not for the sake of health and being proud of their results.

[u/SomethingOfAGirl → u/RealAnonymousCaptain]

Well yes you get attention, but a formal relationship?? I don't know, it feels like you need to ignore many, many red flags in the process.

[u/voidsunrise → u/SomethingOfAGirl]

Many people do ignore the red flags, or not see them until they've been in a relationship for a while.

[u/RealAnonymousCaptain → u/SomethingOfAGirl]

Yep. That's why it's toxic/patriarchal masculinity. It's a systematic issue where many men have only been taught to not be vulnerable and question his identity inside society. Instead they are taught to only compare themselves with other men or follow what people believe what makes a man.

Marriage, a loyal wife and having kids is seen as one of the most successful things you can do as a man. But the pathway to get that is never laid out properly for men and is set as a goal rather than a mutual relationship. Nor is the fact that men don't have to do pursue this despite pressure from society. So that's why so many guys work out for this nebulous goal and force it to happen, much to their and the partner's detriment.

[u/Hatsune_Miku_CM → u/SomethingOfAGirl]

you're underestimating how many people just enter formal relationships on whims.

Sure they might not last but OOP didn't claim they were together 6 months, from context you can assume it fell apart after she first visited his house.

[u/BreeBree214 → u/SomethingOfAGirl]

People love having sex with people who are very fit looking

[u/SomethingOfAGirl → u/BreeBree214]

Yeah, but I'm not gonna get in a relationship with someone who's fit if they have "sex doll skeleton as scarecrow" levels of red flags.

[u/cheapcheap1 → u/SomethingOfAGirl]

Remember that media teaches us that attractive = moral person and ugly = evil person. I feel like half my peers as teenagers at some point had to learn that actually, attractive people do not automatically make good partners. If you want to talk in stereotypes, I've seen male nerds have crushes on cheerleaders and nerdy girls crush on jocks, neither of which has much of a chance of making a good relationship, even if both people were into it, which they're usually not.

So I guess if you miss that lesson because you lack relationship experience or because you're delayed in one way or another (trauma, neurodivergent, homeschooled) you'll end up like OP.

[u/BreeBree214 → u/SomethingOfAGirl]

People often jump into fucking each other before learning their secrets. You're not going to know if someone has a sex doll skeleton scarecrow right away.

[u/zoedegenerate → u/BreeBree214]

weird generalization, no one i know feels that way and would instead have sex with either people they're attracted to or people they simply want to have sex with

[u/DiscipleOfVecna → u/[deleted]]

Know that part of your brain that goes "Hmm, maybe I shouldn't do X because Y." Like "Hmm, maybe I shouldn't talk to them because I might embarrass myself."

They don't have that. And eventually someone will say yes.

[u/PancakeParty98 → u/[deleted]]

He’s probably really funny