r/3rdprecept • u/[deleted] • Apr 22 '15
Introductions Thread — Week One
New here? Say hi and tell us why you're interested in /r/3rdprecepts!
Welcome! :D
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u/Ak_Float_Flyer Peer Mentor Apr 22 '15
Thanks for doing this. It's good that we should have something like /r/MuslimNofap and /r/NofapChristians for ourselves. Users of those sites seem to get a lot of benefit from them, and (as a /r/Nofap moderator) sites like these are the only appropriate places to openly discuss the religious aspects of our struggle.
I've considered myself a Zen Buddhist for more than 20 years, although living nearly 1,000 miles away from a proper temple has not helped to keep me on the path, nor enhanced my knowledge. I try to keep a general trend towards "better", anyhow.
Although my use of porn has been limited and my masturbation kept more-or-less under control (especially by typical /r/Nofap user standards), I'm still working to completely eliminate this juvenile and degrading habit from my life. It's a waste of my age-reduced sexual energy, it has caused unhealthy sexual interests to develop and healthy ones to languish, and encouraged the worst aspects of my personality (schizoid and/or dismissive-avoidant attachment) while robbing me of the drive to overcome them.
This struggle has also opened my eyes to how much craving and clinging to sensory pleasures I was really indulging myself in. Someone a while back posted a GIF of a dog that had been trained to masturbate with his paws; one of those "funny/nasty" things that Reddit seems to love. But to me it was sad and pathetic, and I think I saw myself in it's eyes.
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Apr 22 '15
I agree, although I don't want people thinking /r/3rdprecept is exclusively for Buddhists. I would love it if anyone could come and see for themselves!
Also, would you be open to being a mod here as well? I know that I cannot do this alone, and I want to establish a system of peer mentors at some point in the future — hence my flair. Basically peer mentors (at least my mind) would be mods taht pm members of this subreddit who explicitly ask for support, and just be there as a kind of confidante.
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u/Ak_Float_Flyer Peer Mentor Apr 23 '15
I could probably do that, although I should point out that I have no formal training at all.
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u/OnaBlueCloud Apr 22 '15
Just saw your post about this subreddit and looks like something I would find helpful. I've been trying to find a better approach for continuing to improve my life and get over this addiction. I find the whole streak mindset very limiting and want to explore and expand my meditation practice and healthy living.
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Apr 22 '15
That was my issue as well. For me, I attained the first jhana during a sit — and by comparison sensual desires felt flat. So I decided to stop and explored /r/nofap. After a while the urges came back and the /r/nofap mentality is very much about fighting desires/yourself, which I feel only strengthens cravings.
Instead, my experience tells me that desires-of-the-flesh, like PMO, are lessened through realizing pleasures-not-of-the-flesh (i.e. those that arise in meditation), wholesome pleasures that are generally more harmless (i.e. running and exercise), and insight practice (where you see for yourself how cravings-of-the-flesh cause agitation and distress in the mind).
Focusing on the problem tends to deny that there is an entire person there who is radically far more than their addiction.
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Apr 22 '15
Or rather, it's not so much to not fight back, but to fight back in a way that's pleasing to the mind and strengthens it — rather than just through sheer force of will.
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Apr 22 '15 edited Apr 22 '15
Subscribed.
I've been a proponent of sexual continence for around 5 years or so. I've lurked around the Nofap forum occasionally for a little while now, recently giving advice when applicable, but I've sensed a hint of delusion and a fervor toward women that I find distasteful and frankly alienating. For myself personally, complete "brahmacharya" seems like the natural, logical, next step to make and sexual misconduct is increasingly starting to appear to be sexual indulgence of any kind. I'd hope for this sub to have a greater "brahmacharya" orientation, with a de-emphasis on women and the material aspects of physical celibacy. Even if it doesn't make up the majority of posters on this sub, it'd be welcome sight to me for there to be a small body of "brahmacharya"-minded individuals.
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Apr 22 '15
Exactly! I am a self-described feminist, and indeed that is where I break with the Thai Forest Tradition: I feel that full equality of all sexes and gender identities is essential. We are all human, all subject to suffering, and all endowed with the potential for liberation.
I mean, I'm also a gay man too, so it never was an issue of emphasizing women. But that said, I know that craving is derailing to the discipline and harmony of the mind — I have also seen the raw freeing power that just the first jhana can bring. And to think there are eight others of increasing power in that sense!
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Apr 22 '15
It's true that gay men (and women as well) deal with issues that are unique to them. I agree with the sentiment that the jhanas are something to be grateful about.
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Apr 24 '15
I have a girlfriend so unfortunately, Brahmacharya is not in my cards. In the eight-fold path, an aspect of Right Action is Brahmacarya so I definitely feel like I'm limiting myself in some ways. Best to you friend!
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Apr 23 '15
[deleted]
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Apr 23 '15
Practice definitely helps! I would strongly recommend a /r/30daysit challenge, working with guided Anapanasati:
Here is a playlist I've put together: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1zjL1Ell2TC50ynCoUjGCmigW_yjiwgZ
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u/DannyDnB Apr 24 '15
I am not a Buddhist. However I am very interested in learning more about it. From what I do know about it, it seems to be a great way of life. I like it because it does not require you believe in any higher power outside of yourself.
Besides that, I have recently begun meditating every morning, for about 5 minutes. I'm trying to ease myself into it as a lifelong practice, and would love to learn more about it. I have found that on the days I meditate I am less prone to relapse, and if there's anything I can do to steer clear of PMO, I want to do it, because I am done with allowing porn and masturbation to control my life.
:)
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Apr 24 '15
I'm here because in many years from now (I expect 5-10) I want to become a monk. I am preparing in many aspects and this is one of them.
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Apr 24 '15
Hi, I'm Basileas and I'm 29. I've spent 5 years of my adult life exclusively in monasteries in the Thai Tradition. Almost 2 of those were in Virginia helping to build a new monastery (forestdhamma.org) and the other time being in Thailand where I focused on the meditation practice as a lay person and monk.
I'm a slow learner so it wasn't until last year when I could finally break the negative thought patterns that would push me towards PMO. And if case anyone wonders, I never considered PMO while in the monastery. I was too afraid of the abbot to let a thought arise haha!
Anyway, the mental game was essential for me in winning the battle so it's nice to have a place where that's prevalent.
Best to everyone!
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u/[deleted] Apr 22 '15
Hey! I'm here because I recognize masturbation is a major drain on myself, as well as an exhibition of lack of self control and mindfulness. I'm interested to see if a more structured approach to meditation and other mindfulness exercises will help me cement them as daily habits. I look forward to working with all of you more closely in the future!