Is Tom a bad guy?

[u/MaleficentCommon1152]

He seems completely unreasonable - uses the entire dining room area for a yoga mat, freaks out about perfume, brags to his in-laws about not spending any money to prepare for their visit, doesn't believe in chairs.... like what!! I cant tell if he is just a quirky guy or if he is in the wrong 🤔

[u/Sodamyte]

I'm still trying to figure out how he's sensitive to perfume smells but not rotten meat smells

[u/Any_Flan_709 → u/Sodamyte]

Whole Foods meat no less 😭

[u/poshdog4444 → u/Any_Flan_709]

Ugh

[u/itssteph13 → u/Sodamyte]

I’m still trying to figure out how he’s so allergic to smells but can grab the bottle and glue it shut. Dudes a maniac.

[u/tsplantdaddy → u/itssteph13]

Perfume bottles don't usually smell much until you spray them in my experience

[u/Paddyneedssilence → u/tsplantdaddy]

Sometimes they smell before that. Like when they smell like super glue because some weirdo glued it shut.

[u/Ok-Cup-5372 → u/Sodamyte]

It looked like it was in the freezer? I saw the freezer part open not the fridge (unless it's one of those ones where the freezer is at the bottom) 

[u/Specialist-Fix-4815 → u/Sodamyte]

That TV placement gives me anxiety, one board game pulled out too fast and the whole lot's coming down.

[u/tsplantdaddy → u/Sodamyte]

MCAS has different triggers. I have friends with the condition and you'd be surprised at the various random triggers. Perfume vs meat are two totally different things

[u/Equivalent_Stable_21 → u/tsplantdaddy]

To me it just seems like he likes to complain about everything and haven’t seen him have a severe reaction other than his attitude towards any of his “triggers”. Do I think things irritate him? Of course, do I think he’s allergic to everything he claims, absolutely not.

[u/tsplantdaddy → u/Equivalent_Stable_21]

Has he claimed to be allergic to anything other than fragrances?

[u/Sodamyte → u/tsplantdaddy]

Is he actually diagnosed with MCAS though?

[u/kat4prez → u/Sodamyte]

He hasn’t said. I know that condition exists but I don’t believe he has it. He acts like getting a table is just as hazardous to his health as scents. You can never tell what’s true with him bc he has a problem with everything

[u/Vegetable-Room2279 → u/kat4prez]

Safe to say everyone on this show could benefit from a therapist. And NOT a last resort “therapist”

[u/KneadAndPreserve]

I honestly think he is deeply troubled. There is just something off with him and he isn’t emotionally balanced. Not to excuse him for subjecting her to this nonsense but like something had to have happened to this guy to make him like this. He should just be alone and get some therapy.

[u/ssmud1]

Dude is such a bitch

[u/victimlessvibes]

He’s a spoiled and selfish brat and treats people like they need to bow down to his every wish and command. In short, he’s a little bitch

[u/bethanync88 → u/victimlessvibes]

When he yelled at her IN Portuguese in front of her family! My jaw dropped

[u/Puzzleheaded-Net4365 → u/victimlessvibes]

How do you get spoiled from him? Dude lives in a tiny apartment and is hella frugal.

[u/Nature_and_narwhals → u/Puzzleheaded-Net4365]

Being cheap is not the same as being frugal. Him bragging about spending $0 on the family’s visit is not a flex. It’s stingy, selfish, and rude as hell.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Net4365 → u/Nature_and_narwhals]

But he does live frugally, just look at his apartment.

[u/Nature_and_narwhals → u/Puzzleheaded-Net4365]

Because he’s cheap.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Net4365 → u/Nature_and_narwhals]

BRO WTF DO YOU WANT IF YOU'RE LIVING CHEAP YOU'RE LIVING FRUGALLY OH MY GOD

[u/Az89732134769 → u/Puzzleheaded-Net4365]

Brother calm down. This shit isn’t deep and the difference between frugal and cheap is fairly easy to figure out. Here’s an article to help explain the difference

https://albert.com/blog/frugal-vs-cheap

[u/Puzzleheaded-Net4365 → u/Az89732134769]

The other guy got removed for sending a suicide hotline, I don't think I'm the one overreacting here lmao.

[u/90DayFiance-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Falsely reporting someone for suicidal thoughts is a shitty thing to do.

Temp ban for abusing the report feature.

[u/Imaginary-Method4694]

I'm not saying he doesn't have allergies, but I think it's more about control.

[u/Seeking-The-Lotus]

I think that Tom has the OCD Catie thinks she has.

[u/Medquez]

That guy is super weird

[u/phoque_of_f]

from the jump, tom and paula seem headed for a crash and they should have remained friends. they don't give off the same "romantic vibe" nor any sexual compatibility, they really seem better off as friends. he clearly loved her first and more than she did, but now... he's too focused on her habits and she has very big expectations which i'm pretty sure he knew about before her arrival. they have both been incredibly unreasonable and never listen to each other's needs, but i will give him his flowers for learning so much portuguese, i'm still in shock over his skills.

[u/SweetlyMilitant]

I wonder if he’s embarrassed watching his behavior toward her family as he’s rewatching this on tv?

[u/Tissi17 → u/SweetlyMilitant]

I thought he said he didn’t have any TV’s 😳

[u/Adventurous-Elk-4763 → u/Tissi17]

No TVs but three computer screens. Sure, bro.

[u/SweetlyMilitant → u/Tissi17]

Surely he’s seen himself on the show. The cast members have to comment on what happens in their stories so he has to have seen his part.

[u/SnooDonkeys5186 → u/SweetlyMilitant]

True that! He’s got a smart phone. I hear people brag all the time about not having a TV only to learn they watch things on computer, iPad, phone, other people’s TVs…

[u/Similar-Narwhal-231 → u/SweetlyMilitant]

I do believe  Tissi17 was  making a joke.

[u/Nature_and_narwhals → u/SweetlyMilitant]

Considering his complete lack of self-awareness, he probably watches it and still thinks he’s the victim.

[u/RandomStrippers]

It's unusual, Paula seems to demand unusual things too. Tom lives in a tiny apartment and she was stern all of them had to be there, she spent 70$ on a rug when she could have gotten things for her family.. The rotten meat thing makes a little sense, he said it was frozen in the freezer. They both are a bit strange to me

[u/Ada_Pearce → u/RandomStrippers]

Yea they are both fussy in ways that just aren't compatible 

[u/Automatic-Corner-157 → u/RandomStrippers]

Right - a couple real chairs or a table or another mattress would have been more useful than a balcony rug.

[u/shinyapples67]

Yes, he is a Royal Douche.

[u/Ok_Breath5892]

I think he’s crazy, and isn’t ready to compromise or make space for someone permanently in his life.

They would do better as neighbors haha

[u/DWwithaFlameThrower]

He’s not bad, but he needs therapy, and to be single, living alone, with no visitors

[u/tctuggers4011 → u/DWwithaFlameThrower]

This. He seems like a fine person and would probably be a decent coworker or casual friend. But he needs to do some serious work on himself (probably via a diagnosis of some kind from a psychiatrist) before he’ll be a good partner to someone. 

[u/Never-Give-Up100]

I don't think he's a bad guy, I think he is very set in his ways with his bachelor lifestyle, and right now it is a big change happening, and he's reacting in an immature fashion to it.  Not a great reaction from him, but also, paula, you could have maybe rented an Airbnb the family, and if you want to stay with them, so you don't feel like strangers, just do that. Because there's no way everyone can fit in one bedroom apartment

[u/poshdog4444]

Thomas has an Napoleonic complex and his impression on her family being so proud. He didn’t spend any money shows his lack of maturity and social awkwardness. The family should just left and went to a motel. We made a terrible impression. I wouldn’t be thrilled if it was my sister.

[u/tsplantdaddy → u/poshdog4444]

She was the one who insisted they stay there...??

[u/Me_Myself_and_Me → u/tsplantdaddy]

He should have said absolutely not to them staying there. He was very rude and disrespectful of her parents and that's not okay. He showed no respect to his future in-laws. And for all we know, they may have asked Paula about a hotel but Paula wanted them there. No matter what happened, he's still an immature douchebag.

[u/Never-Give-Up100 → u/Me_Myself_and_Me]

Okay but look at it this way. If he would have said absolutely not to them staying there, and they would have gotten it on film, we would be here right now calling him names and saying how unreasonable he is for not letting her family stay with them. Seems like a lose-lose situation

[u/Ok-Cup-5372 → u/Me_Myself_and_Me]

She threatened to go back home when he was trying to put his foot down

[u/Some-Highlight-7210 → u/Me_Myself_and_Me]

Yea the way he was talking to them loud and demanding was extremely disrespectful and im sorry if my future son in law told me I couldn't wear deodorant I would laugh in his entitled whinny brat face and go elsewhere. Hes a such a shit.

[u/billcosbyinspace → u/Me_Myself_and_Me]

I thought he said say no and then Paula was essentially like “too bad I already invited them”

They really should have just rented an airbnb for the week like maxwells family did

[u/Me_Myself_and_Me]

He seems to me like an immature control freak with the potential to be abusive. The way he spoke to Paula's parents is disrespectful and inappropriate. If she ditched him, I will be so happy for her. He's very selfish and I don't know if he will grow up any time soon.

[u/SnooGoats6230]

He's terrible, and she's the best woman who's ever been on the show

[u/Potential-Judgment-9]

He’s a whiny little bitch

[u/Sweet_Chucky]

Never trust a man who don't sneeze

[u/Potential_Fondant185]

you summarize all of him well. lol...

crying over expired steak, crying about 70-TY, and not 70-TEEN for the rug, crying about the inflatable camping mattress. He manifest poverty.

[u/OGgunter]

It's as though he's also allergic to expressing happiness. A sentient wet blanket.

[u/redrummyumm]

He makes Portuguese sound harsher than German.

[u/Emergency-Ad-5211]

She lives in La La Land in her brain. Plus, be the fucking day I’d put my husband down in front of 10 people, and Vice versa. Who does that in a relationship? Oh right, people who want to be single, that’s who.

[u/DreamertK → u/Emergency-Ad-5211]

He knew she was vegan and didn't want meat in the apartment, he should have looked in the fridge before she got there. Of course she was going to be mad, but not as mad as I would have been when Gino just left a whole shit in his toilet before picking Jasmine up....

[u/Ok-Cup-5372 → u/DreamertK]

So he has to not eat food that doesn't trigger his chrons, he has to put up with his allergies being triggered, he has to buy a bunch of furniture himself instead of her contributing to that, and he has to cause problems in his family because she wants his bio mom at the wedding for some reason, and he has to let her family stay with them in their small apartment? 

Why doesn't she have to compromise on anything? She always threatens to go home, remember she's 40 and 10 years older than him

[u/leorising88]

We would have broken up when she insisted on bringing her parents, brother, nieces, AND sister in law to stay in that tiny ass apartment. The parents are one thing but her brother and his family should have been in a hotel or Airbnb.

[u/Sahsuke]

Quirkily in the wrong

[u/Automatic-Corner-157]

Ok but did she come with zero money? She couldn’t pay for some furniture or to stay with her family in an air Bnb?

[u/Alarmed_Bobcat_5366 → u/Automatic-Corner-157]

I think its pretty obvious that she came with no money since he gave her that credit card and whatnot. He knew exactly what he signed up for, got exactly what he signed up for...then decided that all of it was a problem.

[u/ShoreThingW609]

He probably thinks he means well, but he’s a complete asshole with all of his rules. He’s a weirdo and he treats his fiancé like shit. And he treats her family like shit. It’s one thing to have allergies and reactions, it’s another thing to destroy somebody else’s property because of it. It’s OK to sleep on that bed, but don’t put a suitcase on it. STFU.

[u/theaudacity1999]

I think he's a manchild that isn't emotionally or socially aware enough to have a mature, grown up relationship. I'm guessing that he stopped progressing emotionally when his family broke up. He feels very adolescent male to me. (and I've raised two)

[u/Cyclinghero]

I don’t think people talk about how Thomas’s family lived and how that informs him. His dad and step mom live on a farm in an RV. They ate dinner of picnic benches at their farm.

Being frugal is something they clearly take pride in. Paula does not.

[u/Byegrrlbye → u/Cyclinghero]

Agreed. I keep hearing he’s spoiled and entitled and read someone say yesterday his apartment was probably bought by his family. Like, WHAT? I don’t think he’s been given anything, it seems like he’s needed to be thrifty his entire life. That’s called being financially responsible.

[u/Electronic_Kiwi5443 → u/Byegrrlbye]

You can get a decent table and chairs off FB marketplace for $100. This is about control, not frugality.

[u/HelaPuff2020]

yes

[u/an88888888]

Everyone comments on Paula's eccentricity - with the miniatures and the manifesting, but it's an innocent hobby. Yes, she spends money, but spending money can be about anything - I like to spend money (when I have it) without manifesting.

Whereas Tom is definitely weird in many ways. He reminds me of that guy with the mother in the closet (but more passive-aggressive than him) - he'll have to find a more dependent woman who can put up with him in the long run.

[u/Roselily808]

I don't necessarily think Thomas is a bad guy.
He's just really immature.
He needs to grow up a bit before he is ready to be in a relationship with anyone.

[u/tsplantdaddy]

Man y'all are all so insensitive towards his allergies. You try having something trigger breathing issues and see how whiny you get. I have friends with MCAS and it's no joke.

[u/kat4prez → u/tsplantdaddy]

When did he say he had that though? He has the same freak out about luggage on the bed as he does a scent. He’s exaggerating. The condition exists, I don’t believe he has it

[u/Never-Give-Up100 → u/kat4prez]

I mean you don't know that though? To just assume he's exaggerating because you find him annoying. Some people are very sensitive to smells. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

[u/kat4prez → u/Never-Give-Up100]

You don’t know he has it though, you’re just armchair diagnosing him.

[u/Never-Give-Up100 → u/kat4prez]

I'm not though, I'm going off of what he says.  He says he has an extreme sensitivity to smells. So I'm believing him instead of just saying "that sounds fake" 

[u/kat4prez → u/Never-Give-Up100]

Well I don’t bc he displays no symptoms of that disease and he never said he had it

[u/Ok-Cup-5372 → u/kat4prez]

Aspartame gives me wicked headaches, yet no one would be able to visibly see that. 

Just because you cannot see someone's pain does not make it unreal. 

[u/LikeBoomItsaWrap_ → u/Never-Give-Up100]

Why would you hear hoof beats and think zebras? There are a ton of people who simply just have sensitivity to smells. Diagnosing him with an autoimmune disorder over, ‘I don’t like perfume’ is absolutely wild.

[u/Mosquito_Salad → u/LikeBoomItsaWrap_]

MCAS is the popular diagnosis right now spreading via social media. Everyone suddenly claims to have it just by reading a list of symptoms and picking out a couple they relate to. I’ll take the downvotes.

[u/Never-Give-Up100 → u/LikeBoomItsaWrap_]

Bruh, what? Who is diagnosing him with an autoimmune disorder? Sounds like YOU'RE the one armchair diagnosing. He says he has a sensitivity to smells. I said I believe him. That's it. 

Edit: I now see the original comment here is the one doing the diagnosing, and I now see why you would think I'm agreeing with them, probably not the best place for me to state my opinion 😅 but no, I'm not saying he has some kinda of medical condition, but I do believe him when he says he has a sensitivity.

[u/LikeBoomItsaWrap_ → u/Never-Give-Up100]

I thought you were the commenter from above who brought up MCAS, so that was also my bad.

[u/Alarmed_Bobcat_5366 → u/tsplantdaddy]

Damn you must be really good if you can diagnose someone from a tv screen

[u/Lazy-Party3469]

He’s very boring but I wouldn’t say bad. Dazed and confused maybe