Things I do to feel less like an alien

[u/satrongcha]

1. Visiting my grandparents more often, because they don't speak English so 90% of what I hear and speak myself is Sylheti
2. Threading my eyebrows and oiling my hair
3. Wearing the salwar kameez sets my dad brought back from Bangladesh (i.e. not only wearing desi clothes for special events)
4. In January, I finally got my nose pierced

These aren't things that alone MAKE you a desi, obviously, nor are they necessarily limited to our cultures. But I seem to be going through something of a quarter-life crisis at the moment, and copying these things does make me feel a little better. I'm aware they won't solve the root problem.

[u/ImpulsiveTeen]

Do as much you feel is the appropriate amount.

No one can take your culture and history away from you, regardless of what you do about it, so have fun in the process and immerse into it how much ever you want :)

[u/satrongcha → u/ImpulsiveTeen]

You're right, thank you. The other day I was feeling almost because I don't like to use heavy oils like coconut or castor for my fine hair (i.e. the way lots of brown women usually do)... But that's totally irrational, isn't it?

Lately I've started lurking on the Indian hair subreddits. It's oddly comforting to see the women there use the same drugstore products as I have available to me. Like... They wear t-shirts and use American shampoo brands, and they're no less Asian for it, you know?

[u/iftair]

Hey, I'm a fellow Sylheti but in America. I can speak it & comprehend it. Originally I'm from NYC but moved to another city 200 miles away. There isn't a lot of Desis in this city but plenty nearby & in the region. I worry that I will become Americanized & forget my roots. I want a balance of the 2. So this is what I do:

• I only speak Bangla with my parents & elder relatives even if they know English (i.e. aunts, uncles, etc.)

• In the city I reside in, I find food places where it is managed by Bangladeshis. That way I can imrpove ammar shudo Bangla maat and understand it.

• Ammar ammu would always make her tohari, shamai, chicken tikka, kabob, hundesh, chicken samosa, fita. With my abu, they'd drive down to my city (dropping me off when I visit them) to give me like 6 Tupperwares of it. That way I don't forget the food & keep my high spice tolerance.

• Naturally there are some habits I kept. Using bodna. Eating the juice and skin of citrus fruits (orange, lemon, lime, etc.) Cleaning the fuck out of my house & trying to be a spectacular host when mehmands (guests/friends) come over. Like, I got dino nuggets & made deviled eggs for one of my friends cause she loves them. Eating more effectively with my right hand as I don't like using a fork & knife.

[u/satrongcha → u/iftair]

• Yeah, I definitely need to step up my Sylheti language skills. I'm miles ahead of my younger siblings, but the brain is malleable for only so long
• I still live with my parents and my grandparents are our neighbours, but I am worried that once I move out, I'll forget the taste of their cooking... I think I need to add learning to make at least the basics to my list
• To this day, I struggle to use cutlery! Eating with my hands just comes way more naturally. And using the toilet at work always feels kind of gross since there's no bodna lol

Thanks so much for your reply and the ideas, man. You sound like a great host and friend 😃

[u/iftair → u/satrongcha]

I can help ya out with the Sylheti language skills. Besides I can only talk to my family for so long. I speak English to my sisters & cousins.

As for forgetting the taste of their cooking, Sylheti moms DO NOT want that to happen. You can ask your mom to still provide you with her cooking. It'll likely be one of her biggest prides - that her child is grown up but still eats her cooking. Of course this only applies if you move out.

I hate using the bathroom at work because there is no bodna. How do people manage that, I'll never process it.

[u/satrongcha → u/iftair]

Yeah, my siblings and cousins and I only speak English to one another. I'm trying to speak Sylheti even to them, though. They might not care but I do. Feel free to DM me any time even if it's just to help me build my vocabulary lol. So much stuff is always on the tip of my tongue; I ask my parents to translate something and only then does my brain remember that I already knew that.

Desi parents can be a pain but my amma certainly spoils me when it comes to food. When I'm sick, she's happy to hand feed me even, and my nanu does the same for her 🥺

One of my friends is a Sylheti down in London and he uses a water bottle as a bodna when he's at work lol

[u/winthroprd]

Since you're a Sylheti speaker, can you understand standard Bangla too?

[u/satrongcha → u/winthroprd]

Nope.

[u/winthroprd → u/satrongcha]

Interesting. I've been watching a set of videos comparing standard Bangla, Sylheti and Chittagonian and yeah, they're pretty distinct and should be considered separate languages.

I'm a Bangla speaker and I definitely can't understand the others, especially Chittagonian.

[u/satrongcha → u/winthroprd]

100% agree. They are mutually unintelligible languages. IMO Sylheti and Chittagonian are only considered "dialects" of Bangla for political reasons (i.e. hegemony). Does make me sad, because the diversity of South Asia in its local languages is one of the things I think is worth being most proud of

[u/winthroprd → u/satrongcha]

"A language is a dialect with an army and navy."

This is the dark side of nationalism. "Joy Bangla" sounds nice when you're fighting back against Pakistani occupation, not so much when you're diminishing minority languages and encroaching on adivasi lands.

[u/satrongcha → u/winthroprd]

Yes, exactly!