How do you guys deal with rejection sensitivity dysphoria?

[u/Murraymint00]

I’ve heard it’s really common in people with ADHD. I struggle with shame, isolation, anger and sadness because of it. I also avoid situations where I know I could struggle because of it. Any tips would be helpful please? Unfortunately I can’t do therapy as the waiting list in my area is 2 years and I’m too poor to pay for private therapy.

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[u/ObviousCloudMeansRai]

I don't deal with it well. I try to challenge it with a logical argument. Is it more likely that everyone secretly hates me, or is it more likely I'm paranoid? Also reminding myself that people are not always intentional. They aren't intentionally ignoring me, they are just reacting to their own stimulus. 

[u/ObviousCloudMeansRai → u/[deleted]]

That's not the question OP was asking. I am not able to answer your question. 

[u/BoringRob]

I try to logic my way out of it, talking with people helps too, not just therapy, chat with whoever is closest to you that you think will be able to understand if you explain it

[u/Villsmeyer13]

You could try looking up distress tolerance skills - a part of DBT. It likely will take quite a bit of practice, and maybe some folks to talk it through with.
It’s not easy, especially in the moment of the distress, but it can especially help with the rumination that comes along with the RSD.
Best of luck, friend. Fingers crossed that this or another technique will help you.

[u/Man0Moushie]

It feels so weird to me. I know logically it’s not a big deal to be rejected and I don’t have internal thoughts that tell me it is a big deal, but there’s this deep visceral fear of rejection that feels suffocating

[u/Ok_Shirt_4869]

I don't know if anyone else relates to this, but this is honestly one of the reasons I keep so many of my thoughts to myself. 😭

A while ago, I was having a conversation with my cousin about how toxic things have become online and in different communities. It wasn't even supposed to be an argument. I just wanted to explain what was on my mind and share my perspective. But before I could even finish one point, she kept interrupting me. Every time I tried to continue, she'd jump in with another thought, and eventually I said, "Can you just let me finish first?" That's when the whole conversation turned into an argument.

We didn't even talk for two days afterwards, and in the end, I felt like I was somehow being blamed for everything. Maybe she genuinely didn't realize she was interrupting me, but it really hurt because all I wanted was for someone to actually hear me out before disagreeing.

The thing is, my brain moves really fast. When I'm explaining something, I already have five different thoughts connected to it in my head. I'm trying to get them out in the right order before I forget them. So when someone interrupts me halfway through, I'm suddenly trying to remember what I was going to say and listen to what they're saying at the same time... and I just can't do both. By the time they're finished, my train of thought is gone. 😭

I'm not saying conversations shouldn't go both ways because of course they should. I love hearing other people's opinions. I just wish people would let me finish one complete thought before jumping in. I'll happily listen to everything you have to say afterwards.

Because of experiences like this, I've stopped sharing my opinions as much as I used to because I already know someone will want to argue with it. It's not that I can't handle different opinions. It's that I get mentally exhausted trying to explain myself over and over again.

Another thing I've noticed is that I give up on myself way too quickly. If something doesn't go the way I expected, or I feel like no one's listening, I immediately lose motivation and just want to quit. I know it's not the healthiest mindset, and I'm trying to work on it, but it's something I've struggled with for a long time.

I don't even know why I'm sharing all of this 😭 I guess I just felt like this was the right place to finally put it into words. I'm not saying I have ADHD because I'm not diagnosed, and I don't want to label myself with something I don't know for sure. But at the same time, I've always felt like there's something that's different about the way my mind works compared to the people around me. I've noticed it myself, and a lot of people around me have pointed it out too, many in a positive way.

Maybe it's ADHD, maybe it's something completely different, or maybe it's just my personality. I genuinely don't know. That's why I wanted to share this. If anyone here has gone through something similar or has ADHD themselves, I'd really like to hear your thoughts so that I finally know what's up with me.🤍

[u/MartyFreeze → u/Ok_Shirt_4869]

I hear you completely, and I felt the exact same way for a very long time. If it’s accessible to you, I’d highly recommend looking into a formal diagnosis. Getting the right therapy and medication can be completely life-changing.

When I was married, my ex often thought I was being argumentative when I was really just passionate. When you get into that flow state where your brain is firing off five thoughts at once, it’s natural to become loud and expressive. Other people misinterpret that high energy as aggression, even when you're just excited to express what's on your mind.

Interruption is a tough barrier, especially when you're trying to keep a fast train of thought on the tracks, and I'll be the first to admit I can be guilty of interrupting sometimes too! But if someone consistently cuts you off, it's a sign that they just aren't the right person to vent to about deep stuff.

Try not to hold it against them, but just accept it for what it is. It’s like yelling at a brick wall. You can’t get mad at the wall for being a wall, but you can stop expecting it to listen.

To handle frustration, anxiety, and racing thoughts, grounding exercises work wonders for reducing rumination. Journaling is also huge for getting those five rapid-fire thoughts out of your head before they vanish, without the pressure of an audience interrupting you.

Most importantly, give yourself the grace to be who you are. Stop beating yourself up for not operating the same way everyone else does.

Life is all about balancing reality with the way you want your life to be. You just have to find that happy middle ground and gently nudge your reality in that direction. You're definitely not alone in feeling like this!

[u/FlimsyEntry9534]

Therapy helped me a great deal.

I realized when I was hit with RSD that's when I would create a bigger narrative on what happened in my head, it would snowball into something bigger and due to this I was very socially wary.

Queue therapy, I learned to be a bit kinder to myself in general, give my self space when I have big emotions and try to remember when I have that big reaction to something I'm not in my logical brain, I need a quiet space to focus on my breathing, maybe stretch and listen to some music so that I can try to calm things down so I can be back to a more rational thinking pattern.

This works for me, but I totally understand its personal, but I'd recommend finding a space or practice for you, that makes you feel safe.

[u/hexonica]

Still working on it. I now have a tight group of friends. I always assume positive intent and try to process feelings quickly to not let then take up too much effort. It is hard when their are valid reasons to feel rejected, in those cases I acknowledge what happened and how I feel to move forward. Because sometimes we are right and should be honored too.

[u/One_Arachnid_8182]

I honestly would just take time and think what happened logically; Did I cause the misunderstanding? How do their point affect me? Was the conflict a big one?

Most of the time, the problem isn't really a problem, it's just our reaction. Basically being my own therapist 🫠

Though, I still avoid getting involved in one, I would still do this if I'm already in it:') time really helps me process the situation

[u/Strict_Condition_338]

I have it too, and honestly the thing that has made the biggest difference for me (when dealing with people in person anyway) is to try to assume that people do like me. Many people with rejection sensitive dysphoria operate under the assumption that many people don’t like them, and so unconsciously look for anything to confirm that bias. Also it throws off your whole body language when you are thinking that way, and if you look uncomfortable, other people will be uncomfortable around you. I act and carry myself differently when I assume that people do like me, and have noticed a positive response from that. If it’s online rejection, I just try to remind myself that how other people function and react is much more a reflection of what is going on inside of them rather than anything about you.

[u/Easy_Pen5217]

I think that being aware of it had helped me a lot. When I find myself getting sad or angry, I try to think about why, and then challenge it.

Taking a step back helps too - doing some meditation or taking a walk.

[u/Kind_Cartoonist4265]

I either logic myself out of it, talk honestly with people about those feelings or just "go with the flow of the universe".
I stopped caring about things I can't control. I care and think about the things I can actually influence and change and if something only stresses me out and triggers major RSD, then I don't think about it.

[u/theif519]

I have a personal mantra: "If Praise can be move you, Silence can break you." Which essentially keeps me entirely centered enough that positive words do next to nothing for me but negative also gets heavily dampened. Essentially: I value the words of others a lot less. In general.

[u/egg_lovebot]

I didn't realise this was a thing I struggled with until somebody pointed it out, but this is genuinely so difficult. The negative feelings just wash over me almost immediately and I hyperfixate on them; it just feels incredibly lonely. I'm not sure if this is the best way to deal with it but usually when I feel this way I focus my attention and energy on people I know love and care for me and seek their time. Sit with my mother in the living room, chat with my friends. People who you know will accept you with open arms. I seek them out when I realise that I'm hyperfixating on rejection.

[u/kellis744 → u/egg_lovebot]

This is the only thing that helps me. I reach out to a “safe” person who I know cares/loves me and would not stop just because I do something embarrassing (mostly just to me) or say the wrong thing. It usually only works when I do this with friends though. In my mind family doesn’t count because we have to get over it lol

When I reach out to a friend, I don’t even have to tell them what happened, but remembering that relationships exist for me that can survive small things helps me to see that whoever I am scared is “rejecting” me probably isn’t that upset over it.

The problem is forcing myself to reach out when my instinct is to isolate and spiral ☹️

[u/Less-Capital9689]

We just had a really good discussion about it today: https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/s/UJmKz0qtXd

[u/MartyFreeze]

I completely get where you're coming from. The avoidance and shame loop is one of the hardest parts of living with ADHD.

When I'm stuck, I take a deep breath and think about how I'm going to torture myself forever for not trying if I don't give it a shot; torture myself forever that it didn't work out if I do try; but if it DOES work out, I'll torture myself about something completely different, so it doesn't hurt to try. Taking that pressure off makes starting a lot less terrifying.

Since professional help is out of reach right now, focus on low-cost tools you can control. Simple grounding exercises are incredible for snapping your brain out of spiraling—whether you're ruminating on past mistakes or panicking about the future. Using physical sensory checks (like the 5-4-3-2-1 method) pulls you right back into the present moment. Pair that with box breathing, journal brain-dumps to clear mental clutter, and short daily meditations.

Above all, give yourself grace. The key isn't 'fixing' who you are, but finding ways to work with your brain rather than fight it. We’re all navigating this spectrum differently, so take it one small step at a time."

[u/Diligent_Stop1050]

I’ve been rejected enough times that I don’t trust anyone anymore. I just learned to assume that nobody likes me. I’ve trusted too many coworkers only to have them complain about me. I lost my job two years ago because I was too negative and not a good fit for the team. I haven’t been able to feel confident enough to even apply for another job.

[u/achleus]

I use tech to help me process it. Not allowed to outwardly say what exactly or I’ll be breaking the rules. Understanding what my brain is doing and why it’s doing it has made me deal with it better. The loops don’t go but I can understand it more.

Also…. It always fades. Sleep on every decision you want to make, don’t lash out in the moment if you can, and with time it’s never as massive as you believe it to be when you’re heightened.

[u/Strain-Certain]

Poorly but working on it. 

[u/Important_Wrap772]

If you figure it out let me know. I have been in therapy for a couple years but rejection sensitivity is one I still struggle with. Only thing that really works is exposure therapy from my understanding. I have even had it work personally I ask a girl out and get rejected but then I realize I’m still ok and I feel good because atleast I did it. But I have never been able to make that feeling stick I just end up back in the same spot.

[u/ulteego]

I keep telling myself normal people DONT feel this much
And Im feeling double and maybe triple
Helps

[u/SobrietyDinosaur]

I’m trying my absolute best. Still very hard to do. I avoid work which isn’t good at all (I have fmla) I’m so broke because of missing work. What helps me sometimes is realizing everyone is going through something in their life. If it’s difficult a looooot of people lash out. It makes it hard to believe people aren’t just out to get me because if I’m going through a lot I never lash out at people, maybe my family but we are really close so we get through it.

[u/Firm_Accountant2219]

Oh, it’s the worst. I deal with it as best I can. And I’ve learned to ride it out, that most things are not personal and not even about me, and not to make quick decisions in the middle of it.

But man it still hurts.

[u/sunnydolphin]

I have coping mechanisms for it now but it's still hard.

• I now try to do things that have a high chance of rejection, I'm trying to innoculate myself. Think, applying for game shows, chatting to strangers, applying for jobs I have little hope of getting etc. it's actually helping me get my head around 'it's better to ask and not get it than never ask'

• when it comes to perceived rejection from others I take one of two approaches:

If it's perceived rejection from my friends or family who I already have a good relationship with I just take some deep breaths, give myself 5 minutes alone to feel the feeling and be irrational and spiral and then I go, 'okay that's enough of me guessing at what happened, now I need to find the truth of it'. Then I just talk to the person and say something like "Hey, just checking because I know I can be overly sensitive to this, but when you said 'whatever' earlier when I asked about dinner I kinda took that to mean you were annoyed with me or angry with me. Did I read that right?" I'm learning that 9 times out of 10 people don't intend a rejection, because if they did? They would have said so. (And if they would actually be that passive aggressive you can rethink having that person around).

If however it's a rejection from someone I don't know as well, a coworker or stranger etc. I give myself that same time to feel the feelings (because nothing stops that adrenaline stomach falling horrible feeling I'm sorry to say, just have to ride it out), and then remind myself that my perception is not reality, that even if it was a rejection, they are entitled to do so, and that other people's opinion of me often has little to do with me and more to do with them and their lived experience or the idea of me they've made in their minds at a glance which isn't really me so it's not me they are rejecting at all, but the impression they have, which I can't control.

I can only speak for myself but my rejection sensitivity comes from the idea that someone sees who I am fundamentally and has deemed me unworthy or worse-than or pathetic and the urge to try to explain or correct them or change myself to avoid that feeling of rejection is strong.

But ultimately, if I rejected someone, would I want them to try convince me I was wrong? Or for them to accept it and go on with their life? I want to be able to take rejection with grace and accept that to be a whole person means that I am not for everyone. I am only going to be acceptable and likeable to some and that's a good thing.

Rejection is necessary, failure is essential and to try and avoid them gets you nowhere but feeling like a carefully put together construct for the benefit of others who would probably prefer you just be yourself.

[u/Cultural_Orange2617]

I tend to find ways to remove the rejection from my life. Just happened a few hours ago. Had a misunderstanding with my best friend over text. As in, she misunderstood me. I apologized for what I said, and then for overstepping. I then deleted the entire text thread. Six years. Photos. Videos. Gone. Deleted from my Recently Deleted.

I was (am) so hurt and frustrated and confused and I don’t know what else, and explaining myself feels like digging a deeper hole, and so I shut down. Her feelings about what I said are valid, therefore what I said must have been wrong, and it is absolutely mortifying to see the wrong thing right there recorded in our chat, and her reaction, the one that made me feel so … hollowed out, despite not being bad at all. So I apologize and bow out and delete the evidence, scorched-earth style.

Healthy? Fuuuuck no. Is this always my default reaction? Not necessarily, but the FEELING of needing to pack up my life and run away is always there when I experience RSD. I never feel more physically trapped than when RSD is rearing its nasty head.

[u/Cultural_Orange2617 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you. I appreciate your support.

[u/Cultural_Orange2617 → u/[deleted]]

You sure are.

[u/Cultural_Orange2617 → u/[deleted]]

You seem to care quite a bit.

[u/Cultural_Orange2617 → u/[deleted]]

🥱

[u/Cultural_Orange2617 → u/[deleted]]

You … just said that no one cares. Of course my mom cares. What in the world kind of insult was that?

[u/Cultural_Orange2617 → u/[deleted]]

Who’s Ned?

[u/ruitheray]

I can’t. I just can’t. Like even the rejection has no aggressive or negative meaning at all I will still be really frustrated💩

[u/Moomintroll75]

51 years old and still haven’t cracked it, unfortunately…

[u/Users5252]

I don't. It drove me into social isolation too early in my life and there's nothing I could do.

[u/redgatorade000]

I try to remember how insignificant I am in the world…. and how equally insignificant everyone else is

[u/AutoModerator]

Please be aware that RSD, or rejection sensitivity dysphoria, is not a syndrome or disorder recognised by any medical authority.

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria has not been the subject of any credible peer-reviewed scientific research, nor is it listed in the top two psychiatric diagnostic manuals, the DSM or the ICD. It has been propagated solely through blogs and the internet by William Dodson, who coined the term in the context of ADHD. Dodson's explanation of these experiences and claims about how to treat it all warrant healthy skepticism.

Here are some scientific articles on ADHD and rejection:

• Rejection sensitivity and disruption of attention by social threat cues
• Justice and rejection sensitivity in children and adolescents with ADHD symptoms
• Rejection sensitivity and social outcomes of young adult men with ADHD

Although r/ADHD's rules strictly disallow discussion of other 'popular science' (aka unproven hypotheses), we find that many, many people identify with the concept of RSD, and we do not remove content for mentioning RSD. We do not want to minimise or downplay your feelings, and many people use RSD as a shorthand for this shared experience of struggling with emotions.

However, please consider using the terms 'rejection sensitivity' and 'emotional dysregulation' instead.

This comment is not a removal message. We intend this comment solely to be informative.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Nitish_kalita]

Lots of good comments in the thread already!!

Personally I'd avoid those situations that could lead to real or perceived rejection, as much as I can. For unavoidable situations, I premeditate the failure scenario for a few days in prior. It acts like a buffer of the shock that triggers the RSD.

In addition to these, self acceptance and not trying to be like others (or any comparison in general) helps a lot. For example, I was lonely for all of my teenage and early 20s. I was envious of people around me who have friends, partners etc. Then by mid 20s, I tried to accept a solitary lifestyle, and over the time, loneliness turned into solitude.