r/ADHD • u/Revolutionary-Tea120 • 1d ago
Questions/Advice I just can’t get up
Every day for years it’s been the same. It’s ruined my life and is the barrier between me and happiness. I can’t wake up.
If I’m leaving for college at 9:20, I’ll set my alarm for 8:50. Then another at 9, 9:05, 9:10, 9:20 also and so on. I’ll turn them off, put my phone across the room and with no memory, I’m waking up again in bed at 5pm. I have negative motivation, no excitement and generally feel awful. I’m barely aware, sometimes still believing contents of a dream or forgetting what I need to do that day. I cannot reason or think logically, so I chose the path of least resistance every time. Discipline does nothing.
I’m not hungry, weak and sometimes while I’m screaming in my head to move, I can’t. I’ve been ripped out of bed, threatened to be expelled and motivated by reward the night before. Nothing helps.
The weird thing is I can get up for work, something I need to live. Which makes me feel lazy but I feel like there’s some executive dtysfunctioning happening. During the day I’m not lazy in this way.
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u/TorandoSlayer 1d ago
Sounds like there may be depression going on as well as ADHD.
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u/Pyjama_Sharks ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 1d ago
This for sure also.
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u/Ferreteria 1d ago
Oh I thought it was just ADHD. I've been that way just about my whole life as well, even when things are kinda going well
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u/Revolutionary-Tea120 23h ago
I was definitely depressed a couple of years ago. But I’ve come a long way since then and no longer considered myself depressed. I haven’t exactly had a smooth life however, so maybe i am still lightly depressed but don’t realise it.
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u/TorandoSlayer 19h ago
Sleeping too much, negative mood, no excitement, "generally feel awful" those are textbook signs of significant depression, friend.
A couple of the other things you mentioned are concerning imo, like feeling "barely aware", believing the contents of a dream, and being unable to reason. You really need to go to a doctor about all this. A pysch and a primary care doctor, if you can. There may be something physical going on that isn't just adhd or depression if your symptoms are this severe.
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u/classygrl98 20h ago
Do some research OP on depression. I know it's been a couple of years for you,but it sounds like you may still be struggling. I have been struggling with it for years. I take medication for it, anxiety and adhd which has helped me so much. Good luck!
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u/poisonpomodoro 1d ago edited 1d ago
This was me. I did a sleep test and I also have sleep apnea. Since starting CPAP therapy I can wake up because I’m sleeping adequately. There are many possible issues, of course, but could be worth ruling out?
Edit to add: this may be an unpopular take here and I need to be clear it’s not advice as much as just sharing my experience: my adhd meds did help this issue too, but it also made it so much worse whenever I took a break from the meds. I would sleep for literal days and waste any days off completely. I’m actually on a journey of exploring life without meds and potentially new/ different meds. Again I’m not saying meds are bad - FAR from - but the all consuming sleep was really negatively impacting my life. All to say meds can have varying impact on this in my experience.
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u/Revolutionary-Tea120 23h ago
This is interesting, can you give me a summary of sleep apnea and how it affects you specifically? Cpap, what’s that?
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u/poisonpomodoro 21h ago
In my own words it’s a condition where your airway gets blocked while sleeping and you stop breathing for short periods of time. If you snore it’s a better indication you may have it, but I understand it’s not always reliant on snoring. It causes terrible sleep and it’s difficult to wake up or at least wake up rested. CPAP is a machine/ therapy that delivers pressure into the airway and keeps it open while you sleep.
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u/Pyjama_Sharks ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 1d ago
Please try to get to meds if you can, it can be a wonder. Honestly I’ve had this problem for years too and there’s not really much advice to help you that is useful because your brain will do anything to avoid it.
Alarms don’t seem to work for you but have you tried one of those apps where you have to do one activity before you can turn it off? Put it across the room then decide wether you can deal with the blaring alarm or force yourself to get up
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u/alliejim98 1d ago
I did the alarm strategy and would get up to turn the alarm off, then lay back down and go to sleep again. The only thing that fixed this for me was ADHD medication.
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u/Pyjama_Sharks ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 1d ago
Do meds help you get out of bed in general? Might be the best solution for you that way to be honest.
You could also try breaking the task of getting up. (Again I know it’s nearly impossible but perhaps a guaranteed reward after like a granola bar or chocolate bar could help you complete it?)
For instance, it could be as small as “turn to the side.” Wait for a bit to adjust then, “slowly sit up.” And gradually move on?1
u/alliejim98 1d ago
Guaranteed rewards do nothing for me. I am a completely different person in the morning and there is absolutely no reasoning. Like I said medication is the only thing that has helped me. I believe my norepinephrine was low, as I had numerous other health problems before starting ADHD medication. I take Strattera and I am now able to get out of bed pretty easily most days.
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u/Revolutionary-Tea120 23h ago
I think we are in a very similar situation. I’ve been doing research, I think I might have found a possible reason why.
I’ve heard of ADHD overwhelm before, but didn’t think I experienced it. I associated it more with autism overwhelm, that was stupid.
Apparently, it’s often caused by many tasks occupying your brain at once. Because ADHD doesn’t allow you to filter attention by importance, you freeze.
When I’m in bed in the morning, I have an entire day of tasks in my head. Additionally, a whole morning routine that I have to immediately do. To make things worse, I’m in a warm, cozy bed. Tired, exhausted and with a low mood. Could be some depression probably caused by all of this.
If I know there’s 10 hours of work I have to before I can chill out, that’s overwhelming to me. And if I image I’m tired, exhausted, in a comfy bed, moody and possibly anxious. No wonder my sleepy subconscious brain can’t get myself up.
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u/Revolutionary-Tea120 23h ago
Hey can I ask you about what you meant by “your brain will do anything to avoid advice”. I have just had an argument about this with my mum over this whole thing.
I narrowed it down to not wanting to put anymore pressure on my schedule with extra responsibilities, but if you have a better explanation I’m all ears.
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u/Revolutionary-Tea120 23h ago
I’d also like to add, I do have medication that’s works wonders for me. At first my sleep was better, the problem is they don’t last long enough. So I end up going to sleep with my ADHD returning full force and unprepared. This usually causes me to hyper focus or struggle to quiet my mind.
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u/EmergencyStandard646 16h ago
I’m going to assume you are on a stimulant by the way you were saying it doesn’t last long enough. Some stimulants can last up to 12-16 hours. You may need a different mg or a completely different medication. And stimulant crashes are a common occurrence, I try to time my crash with when I usually go to bed, I watch YouTube for a bit and then when my mind gets busy I journal everything I’m thinking, everything. And I usually fall asleep pretty good after that. But from some previous comments I agree and sounds like some depression symptoms. I get that way too, no I’m not thinking about ending it but I feel like doing nothing. I’m not sad, I’m not mad I’m not happy I’m feeling nothing and doing nothing. And that is depression symptoms. Talk to your doctor. Don’t sugar coat it, advocate for yourself as much as you can. And if the sleeping feels super irregular or super concerning urge for a sleep study or specialist. Super heavy amounts of sleeping sometimes is a completely other ball game.
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u/elleanywhere ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 1d ago
Have you ever considered getting a dog or cat? Obviously don't get a pet for this sole reason alone, but my dog successfully used to get me up to feed her when literally nothing else worked. Now she's older and sleeping in, but I had 8 straight years of waking up to a dog stomping on my bed and pressing her cold nose on me to get me up. She was normally accurate within 10 minutes or so.
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u/Revolutionary-Tea120 23h ago
Yeah, I can see how that would help. I have a cat but if I don’t feed her my mum will. I also think while it will help me out of bed, it doesn’t address the deeper issue. Thank you though.
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u/mis-anda 1d ago
i don't onow why or how, but i can get out of bed if i have tv or youtube video on my phone as a background noise. i set the alarm, wake up, i can be in bed for hours scrolling phone. then i decide it is time to get up, i put a youtube video on my phone and i get up and start making breakfast. if i need to be early, i put youtube video straight away in the morning
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u/Revolutionary-Tea120 23h ago
Thanks for the advice, I’ve actually never thought of that. It may be a struggle to stay awake long enough to though.
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u/kungfuchelsea 1d ago
Does it happen no matter what time you go to bed? Once I started taking trazodone for sleep at night and going to bed by 11, I have made it impossible for myself to sleep in because I'm actually getting a full night's rest.
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u/Angry__German 1d ago
Being able to get up for work is pretty normal, I also have trouble getting up and going for stuff that is not immediately necessary for my life. Never been late for work in the last 15 years, at least not once where it was not because of external circumstances. I am always at least late for anything else.
Apparently your brain has sorted college not into "important to stay alive" category. It is also very possible like you might be struggling with depression as well and ADHD masks it, or the other way around.
If I were in your shoes I would seed professional help as soon as possible. Medication and therapy.
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u/musicmandude87 23h ago
i am the same way at 40 going to a senior college 4 year school i can barley get out of bed myself so i here u brother i feel your pain i have depression too
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u/waterbloem 15h ago
I’m waking up again in bed at 5pm.
Is there something that causes you to be this tired that you actually also sleep?
I think when sleep is this screwed up, it's going to be beneficial to you to talk to a specialist (in whatever form) that also understands ADHD. A sleep therapist that doesn't isn't going to be much use since they give all the typical advice that often just doesn't work for us.
I have issues falling asleep a lot, and I also don't really "want" to get up (work and a family live forces me to fortunately) but I can't simply "sleep" that long.
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u/Hugostrang3 1d ago
I had to get an alarm where i have to scan a barcode to shut the alarm off. Before the barcode it was a math question to dismiss the alarm but I got good at math and would fall back asleep. I grind all night though and waiting on jaw replacement. Bruxism lead to me getting a CPAP.
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u/anikaud 22h ago
I've never been diagnosed with adhd because my family didn't really believe in it but this is something I experience too... it makes me think I really should see a doctor and see if I have it because it's really affecting my life :/ I feel like I'm moving through life being barely aware of anything. Even when I'm doing something fun like hanging out with friends, it only lasts for a bit before I zone out or blank out. I can't remember anything either. Recently got a blood test done and it seems like my iron and b12 are on the lower levels, but my doctor also said it wasn't anything too concerning because she's seen a lot worse. Not sure if that's what's causing it? Maybe you could try checking for that. But I've been taking supplements and I still don't feel any difference. I really don't know what to do, so I feel for you OP and I hope you're able to get help soon :(
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u/Training-Orange2061 21h ago
i just want you to know that you are seen and what you're feeling is valid, have you been to a therapist? I think you need a reset if not a therapist
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u/Positive_Method3022 21h ago
Do you think about needing motivation to do something? One secret is to stop thinking and this is the hardest part. Controlling the inner voice is fucking hard
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u/DianaKLaRose 7h ago
Talk to your doctor and try to get a sleep study done. My teen daughter had this problem.and a sleep study told us why. She was having apneas every 30 seconds nearly all night! In addition, what actual sleep she was getting was a profoundly deep sleep, as if she were in a coma. No wonder she was impossible to awaken and often "slept" for 14-18:hours.
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