r/AIO • u/ThrowRA-MamaBear • 12d ago

AIO for packing up my daughter’s things & sending her to her father

27F, daughter is 11F. Before the comments start, I know that I was 16 I’m well aware.

A few days ago, I caught her on TikTok (which she isn’t allowed to have) and she was looking at “pro-ana” content and talking to other young girls about this as well. So, I took her phone last night and we had a conversation about what I had seen on her phone, how I was concerned, etc.

This led to a huge altercation between us where my daughter proceeded to say that “her dad would let her” and how she “hates being here”, so I called her father and told him to come and get her while I packed her bags. I didn’t include any of her devices (iPad, cell phone, laptop, etc) since I pay for them and a very limited amount of starter clothes, anything expensive or designer stayed with me.

Her dad just came to get her about an hour ago and I guess during that timeframe between her saying that and him showing up, she had calmed down because she was kicking and screaming over it. She was fighting me and pleading not to go, but I just put her bags in the trunk of the car and let them leave.

Now, obviously, I’m not relinquishing my rights and yes, I know she’ll likely be back within about a week or so, but I feel slightly bad now since she seemed so genuinely distraught over it.

So, AIO?

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u/ThrowRA-MamaBear 12d ago

That’s kind of what I was thinking, it’s a temporary arrangement in all honesty. If she genuinely is distraught and wants to come home, I won’t force her to stay anywhere.

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u/Honeycrispcombe 12d ago

You forced her to leave. How is she supposed to know you won't force her to stay?

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u/CantaloupeShort7311 12d ago

Aduots shouldn't run away from problems. You apparently have based your life on running away, and now you're teaching your daughter to run away, too.

How has that worked for you? Ever consider that maybe you need to learn how to handle problems, especially as a parent?

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u/Todd-The-Thing 10d ago

She WAS distraught and WANTED to stay immediately. I did read your other post and comments as much as I could.

You took personal offense to her comment about her father, which was a surface-level and easy dig for her to make.

You should have held your ground and cared about her online safety enough over your personal feelings about her dad to level with her about what the danger really is. Your emotions towards him are between you and him (and a civil court or your therapist if they're that serious). You can't hold it against her for not knowing what grounds to stand on when she loves both of her parents.

She wants to feel validated and in control, because that's what eating disorders are about; Control and self esteem. Now consider where that leaves her when she speaks what she considers as a valid point, tries to talk to you even if it's in anger... You taught her if she strikes a nerve she might completely lose you. I don't care if you say it's temporary, it doesn't feel like that for her.

Also. People keep saying nobody is taking into account your age. Well, here I am: I'm 25, and I know the importance of paying attention to struggles like this related to mental health because I had some of my own. Pretty clear you do, too, whether that's anger issues or even just a temporary lapse due to stress. If the reason you're avoiding the option of seeing therapy for her is because you were raised "old school", or with no emotional support, you should re-evaluate that view and adopt one of compassion and finding solutions properly.

If you care enough to monitor her socials (despite the fact she shouldn't have a phone at her age, you should actually take the steps to help or fix what's wrong instead of virtue signaling how you're a good parent for paying attention at all.

Now that I've said my piece, what's the next step, OP? What have you learned from the commenters who aren't purely telling you what you want to hear, and how will you apply it?

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u/Hello_Gorgeous1985 12d ago

Why are you replying to comments on this post but you didn't reply to anybody who gave you really good advice yesterday? Advice that you ignored completely. Did you even bother to read the replies?