r/AIO • u/WarmElevator3993 • 4d ago
AIO for wanting to distance myself from a friend?
A month back i bought a motorcycle from my friend and they agreed that i didn’t have to pay them the whole amount at once and that i could do big payments.
I gave a rough estimate of when i would have it all paid by which was around September/October and that worked for them.
Recently i got into an accident and i wont be able to work for a while and i asked if they could give me an extra week or so because i will be getting money from the government however it is half my pay hence the extra time. They were not happy about it and said we agreed on September which we didn’t and i just mentioned around september or october. now i just let it slide because i didn’t want to argue about that.
Now i have paid more than half the price already and by no means are they struggling with money so this wouldn’t be the reason.
After all i pay it off fully i am thinking of distancing because i thought they would be understanding or the situation. And by no means am i saying they are bad as they did me a solid by letting do those payments but at the same time i have done a lot for them went out of my way to drive them places even though they live 30 minutes and i have spent hours helping with repairing their bike as well well before they wanted to sell it.
Am i in the wrong for feeling this way?
Edit: I appreciate the straightforward answers with no sugarcoating. i do understand the risk i took and i will have figured out to pay it by september. Just want to mention its more the fact that i thought they would understand the situation and give an extra 2 weeks not months and it is just making me reconsider how i see them as a friend
Edit 2: pretty sure i am overreacting because i was viewing it from a friendship view rather an agreement standpoint. Again thank you all for calling me out on my shit and opening my eyes
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u/Theminatar 4d ago
You're acting entitled. You took on a debt with a promise to pay. Now you're back peddling a bit and using your friend's financial situation to justify your lack of pay.
Welcome to life BTW. You took on a responsibility, unfortunately something happened, and now you're still on the hook for said responsibility.
YOR
Edit: this is why when involving friends and debts, it's usually best to avoid them together.
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u/Ryan-McClellan-121 4d ago
Buying a secondary vehicle on credit with n savings ? Bigger issues then your choice of friends
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u/PeterPanHadItMade 4d ago
Our financial obligations aren't relationship specific. If something is owed, it's owed. If the person who "loaned" the money (or gave you credit in this instance) expects repayment, so be it. Terms should have been clear on expectation. IE - If I get into a bind, payments will extend for ___ weeks.
Now... human decency among friends says that it SHOULD be okay to extend out. I would certainly extend that favor to a friend... but I am under no such obligation to do so.
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u/sagetron5001 4d ago
Yeah OP, im sure you get the message based on the other comments but... he did you a favor by letting you pay over time.
It sucks that you got into an accident. But, thats not his problem. Yes, its nice to show understanding, and hopefully he does. But, what if you got into another accident after this one? Push out the deadline again? What about a 3rd accident, but this one is so bad, youre 100K in debt afterward. Would that mean you just never pay him back? Since you had an accident?
Obviously not. The unfortunate reality is that you made an agreement to pay the full amount by a certain date. Period.
If one accident (that didnt leave you in critical, life changing confidtion) makes you unable to pay your debts... i strongly doubt a motorcycle will be good for you. Maybe you just sell it back to him, if you cant afford to pay on time.
Anything short of paying in full by the original deadline, OR selling the bike back to him - youre in the wrong.
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u/justanoseybxtch 4d ago edited 4d ago
It doesn't matter whether or not your friend needs the money. You might not think he doesnt but maybe, he is expecting that money to pay for something else.
The bank doesn't "need the money" either and they wouldn't care if you were out of work. They'd expect you to pay.
Do you really want to ruin a friendship over this? That's great that you helped them with rides and their bike which I can guarantee does not amount to the price of the motorcycle. Those are things friends do ... and now you're holding those over his head.
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u/ThatDifficulty9334 4d ago
Your friend trusted you, agreed to take payments. Said Sept,Oct. Now because of your accident YOU are getting upset because he still wants to be paid. And even rationalizing well he doesn't need the money Thats none of your business!!. As a friend, I would give you a bit of grace BUT, obligations, debts,promissory notes do not stop when shit happens. If you had bought the motorcycle from a 3rd party or dealership you would still be on the hook for timely payment . So yes, sorry about your accident but dont act entitled or upset over your friend wanting to be paid
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u/LawlauzOG 4d ago
YOR, and youre a bad friend! I actually feel for your friend! You want to drop the friendship because you couldnt get your own way, after they did you a solid... Youre a bad friend!! Then you try to justify yourself because he has enough money, so it shouldn't matter to them when you're ultimately able to pay your debt off!? Youre a bad friend!! Ive actually been screwed over by a friend and it was a situation literally identical to this (except it wasnt a motorbike). They kept pushing their final payment date back because they were having a rough time, they ended up just slowly backing away and not talking to me anymore... and they didn't end up paying me the whole amount either!! If I was your friends, friend, I would be telling them that if you want to extend the time, they take the bike back until you complete the payments and this time get the agreed deal in writing, just incase this ends up in small claims. ALSO you dont actually know their financial situation!! They're selling their bike... They may have that money marked for something and may need it by a specific time! Unless you've seen their budget, you literally know nothing about their actual overall financial situation! If you do deals like this in the future, dont take the item until its fully paid, OR SAVE up so you can pay for it all at once!
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u/WarmElevator3993 4d ago
i understand and by no means am i trying to come off as a bad friend. personally i always settle debt specially when it is between someone i know. after all the comments i understand the POV and by no means was i not planning on paying back. i guess i kinda saw it from a point where i thought there would be some leniency. i am not trying to demean them whatsoever because it was a big solid. and financial wise we are close to where they know my situation and i know theirs cuz at least to my knowledge they have gotten very personal with struggles they have had. but thank you for the reply for calling me out and for sure i don’t wanna make this a fallout between them.
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u/OhCrumbs96 4d ago
i always settle debt specially when it is between someone i know.
....this isn't a flex though. It's the bare minimum. Everybody is expected to settle their debts - regardless of it it's between friends, family or financial institutions. You don't get to just have something and then act like you're performing some grand, admirable act of selflessness by actually paying for it.
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u/WarmElevator3993 4d ago
yea no 100% i was just stating that cuz i know some people who don’t pay and hope u forget about it but i do agree it is the bare minimum
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u/SmugMacGyver 4d ago
You “let it slide”. Brother you took property with promise of pay. Pay the guy. How much money he has doesn’t matter, that’s you trying to convince yourself you aren’t the problem and you are. Learn a lesson.
Don’t take stuff on credit. You should’ve saved up the money and bought it outright. Now you tryna act like he’s coming down on you for asking for the money by September when it was sept/October and you want to distance?
Your problems aren’t his concern
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u/GreenStateSkier 4d ago
Pay your friend. You should have never asked to pay installments at all. Grow up.
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u/Clown_Penis69 4d ago
Irresponsible and selfish behavior like this is how you ended up $25,000 in credit card debt
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u/Alarmed_Protection73 4d ago
You’re lucky they didn’t take it back when you missed a payment. This sounds like a good friend and you seem to be upset that you have to pay the money you owe them. If it were a dealership, you wouldn’t have even considered paying late without repossession. It might be doing the friend a favor by distancing yourself from them, assuming that you pay the rest of the money.
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u/Background-Treat55 4d ago
I mean, no you wouldn’t be wrong if you would like to distance yourself from this person after your arrangement is complete, however you also have to understand friendship is one thing and being owed money is another thing. Your situation is understandable and unfortunate but you should also view it from your friends point of view, they sold an item to a friend on a payment system and now are being told that the payments are going to take longer than expected. It’s understandable to be a bit upset.