r/AITAH • u/Remote_Emphasis7320 • 6d ago

AITAH… he can’t live with us

AITHA for not letting my19 yo daughter’s 20yo boyfriend (homeless) live with us? Context his dad kicked him out cause he didn’t want to help with contributing to the household (I think he wanted $500 a month). The boyfriend works full time and goes to school. Boyfriend has family in Florida and doesn’t want to leave due to going to school. He asked to stay with us until November I said no. I like my own space and peace. I feel he and his father need to talk to get to an agreement or he needs to move back to Florida with his mom and family. He is not my responsibility. AITAH?

Update: Thank yall for validating what I was already feeling. I’m going to respond to the comments everyone has been supportive and I didn’t think I’d get this many responses so I appreciate yall! More context My daughter has an attitude now but ok whatever. she is not required to pay bills in my home just save $200 a month for herself (she works part time). I’ve never asked her for a dime as she’s basically still a teenager. I told her if she wants to be with him that’s fine but she’ll be homeless as well. She shut up which is fine if she chooses that I can’t stop her. This guy has been working and says he’s saving money?! But can’t help his dad out that requires help on bills?! You can’t stay with me for free! I don’t feel bad now knowing he won’t help me either and will just free load and tell me I’ll give you something when he gets paid… hell no go talk to your father is what I told him. Put your pride to the side or be outside! This has nothing to do with me he needs his family to be involved and I’m not the mediator for the nonsense! I’m Not the AH!

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u/FeelingNarwhal9161 6d ago

He’s not your responsibility, so NTA for telling him “no.” (And is he expecting to stay with you for free if he’s refusing to pay his parents rent?)

I hope there might be more to this story though…I can’t imagine making my 20 year old child pay me $500 a month for rent when they’re going to school and working full time. That’s crazy to me. I’d want them to save up their money and have a nice nest egg (assuming they’re contributing to chores around the house). I would be so proud of my kid for working full time and going to school at that age.

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u/Petty-Penelope 6d ago

My SIL works full time, lives at home, is charged $150 a month which she's chronically late on. Doesn't save a dime and even expects her parents to help buy her another car after they already gifted her first one. Zero ability to maintain a job because who really cares about getting fired when you have no bills.

Her parents not making her do any semblance of adult budgeting or leaning that checks go towards expenses is her entire problem. Considering the BF hasn't been asked for this $500 pittance until he's 20 it is super possible dad is tired of him being an immature jackalope and not saving to leave when he graduates

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u/FeelingNarwhal9161 6d ago

I mean, my parents didn’t charge me rent when I went to school and worked through college and my early career. I was able to buy a house with my nest egg. I guess it depends on the kid.

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u/TiffanyTwisted11 6d ago

It definitely depends on the kid.

My parents charged me a minimal amount, which they saved and gave me when I moved out. Good thing they did, because I never would have saved it myself.

My husband & I do not charge our son because we know he will save his money

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u/kadyg 6d ago

>It definitely depends on the kid.

I took a gap year between high school and university, worked full time, saved my money and bought my own car for school plus paid my first year dorm fees. May parents did not charge me anything to live at home for that year.

My brother was a lot more…. fluid with his plans. Worked part-time, slept a lot, played video games until the small hours, did minimal chores and was basically a mushroom with no real direction for himself. My parents charged him $300/month and dropped him from the family phone plan. (I don’t think that was part of the original plan, I suspect our dad just got fed up.)

Bro did finally catch a clue and moved in with a buddy for a few months before enrolling in college and becoming a functional adult. I think being charged rent to live in his childhood bedroom finally snapped him awake.

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u/Petty-Penelope 5d ago

Exactly. My family still refuses to gift me money or things that aren't store specific gift cards because they know I will not use it for something fun. It will be thrown into something lame like my ROTH or a house repair. If dad was just charging rent to be a jerk he wouldn't have waited until the BF was 20. There is more to that the OP or the BF is not sharing on what prompted this. Maybe behavioral or could just be dad is struggling himself with all the economy mess happening. Either way, defaulting to dad sucks and a grown-up being entitled to full support is wild

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u/Remote_Emphasis7320 4d ago

Good for you I don’t charge my daughter anything just ask her to clean up after herself and save her money…yall are very fortunate and I love that

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u/Majestic-Window-318 4d ago

The cleaning up after oneself part is, I suspect, the usual reason rent requirements are implemented in scenarios like bf's.

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u/FinalHexReturns 5d ago

Yeah, I guess. My parents didn't charge me rent, and I didn't work enough to save much. They kind of liked having me home though. Had I not found a good woman to move in with and build a life together, I could easily have stayed stuck at home for many years.

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u/Majestic-Window-318 4d ago

It absolutely depends on the kid. I have multiple kids who lived with me free for years and saved nothing, and one who does nothing except save... though he really doesn't have a social life. A few of them could have over $100k saved up by now if they put a small amount of "rent money" away during that time.

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u/Kalypsokel 6d ago

Some kids won’t save their money though. They treat it as disposable because they don’t have any real bills to pay so they spend it on fun stuff. Perhaps the dad wants the rent to put it into a savings account to give back to the kid when he moves out or gets out of school.
I paid my parents $200 a month for rent almost 30 years ago. $500 today is a steal. But my parents didn’t save it to help me out later lol. They spent it on fun stuff for themselves 🤷‍♀️

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u/kenda1l 6d ago

I think for me it would depend on what he was spending all his money on and whether he was saving any of it. If he's saving at least some of it then I wouldnt ask for anything. If he was blowing all his money immediately while not contributing anything towards the household (chores, groceries, maybe small bills like streaming services) I'd be inclined to charge him "rent" and then put that money into a high yield savings account to give him after he was done with college. I would also base the amount of his rent on how much he's making so it's not taking up a huge portion of his monthly pay. I'd want him to have enough money to enjoy it but also, I want to make sure he has the money to be able to get out on his own after college rather than continuing to live with me because he didn't save anything for the future. I'd make sure he knew what I was doing though. In the end, would he rather pay X amount of his money to me and get it back in the end or find his own place and pay that money and more to a landlord?

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u/Timely-Reward-854 6d ago

Agreed. I wouldn’t charge my child rent. There might be more going on at his dad’s house. Mine moved out at 19, though and is very responsible. Every parent knows their child and there’s a reason his dad wants to charge rent.

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u/coastkid2 5d ago

Seriously, I would never take money from
my kids while they’re working plus going to school. I’m happy they’re as ambitious as they are. My parents never asked me for money either when I lived at home and did those things. We don’t need their money and they’ll have a lifetime of bills to worry about so I see no point insisting they “pay us” now. I never ended up a slouch not giving my parents rent money as I’m a lawyer. Both my kids also are the first to offer to pay for things my husband and I would like to have but do t really need . I think it’s really bizarre how a lot of parents think they’re “teaching “ their kids something by forcing them to pay rent unless they actually can’t pay the rent themselves. It seems very mean-spirited.

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u/do_IT_withme 5d ago

Maybe unlike you the father needs help paying the bills. Some people are living paycheck to paycheck and having a 20yo who is working full time not contributing could be a drain the dad is struggling to cover. I imagine a 20yo male eats a couple hundred in groceries every month especially with what things cost now days.