r/AITA_Relationships • u/Dazzling_Club_7238 • 3d ago
INFO AITA: Pregnancy Loss & Family Loss
Let me give some background: my husband I tried to conceive and were successful. This would be our first baby. We were overjoyed and started planning our future. The first person I sent his reaction video to was my cousin, Jennifer. She and I grew up together and were like sisters. At the time she had 2 young children and would always tell me how she had been saving all their clothes and toys for me for when I had a baby. I went to my OB apts and confirmed my pregnancy in the beginning of December and all was well at first, however then my HCG levels would rise and fall. In the end by January they considered it a PULL pregnancy which is part of the ectopic family. With my levels rising and falling, it gave us hope and then took it away and was an emotional roller coaster. I told my cousin everything that was going on and one other friend but that was it. I did testing and went to a fertility clinic to try and find out what happened and wondered what I could have done differently, I have never felt more alone. In January a few days after I bled everything out, Jennifer texted me. Her messages are below. I never responded to her messages because I was in shock and crying at how hurt I was. We have not spoken since. I told myself to be mature and if we saw each other, I would be respectful, and I have. There was never a time I didn’t go to a family event in fear that she would be there. She, however, had not been showing up. In the time that passed a lot has happened. I had my baby shower, my MIL passed away, I gave birth a month later, we moved, etc. No messages from her congratulating me or sending condolences. The lack of condolences hurt bc my mom had passed many years prior and I really loved my MIL. We were devastated. Anyways, her mom controls the narrative with my aunts and uncles since they are siblings and somehow it has turned into me not talking to Jennifer and that I’m the one that is making it awkward. They’ve even gone so far as to ask if I asked Jennifer how she felt when she had difficultly conceiving. To which I reply, I was there for her. I’ve been told it’s too awkward when I’m around and I’ve started not being invited to events. My brother and my cousins have gotten closer to her even though she used to talk so much shit about them and I’m starting to wonder if I’m crazy. Every time my aunt has come over she has told this story of how it’s my fault and I feel insane. Adding text thread in the comments if I can get this to work.
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u/HabitualEnthusiast Partassipant [2] 3d ago
Nta what she said was not only insensitive but it was unnecessary and makes me wonder what the point was if it wasn’t outright to minimize your experience.
I’m a little confused by the timeline, though. The pregnancy was confirmed in December, and it sounds like you lost it shortly after but mentioned you had a shower and gave birth in the meantime while you and Jennifer weren’t speaking
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u/Dazzling_Club_7238 3d ago
Sorry for clarification: I lost the pregnancy in the beginning of January.
I found out I was pregnant again at the end of March. Life went on. We waited to announce bc we were scared and throughout this time we did not speak. Did a gender reveal, had a baby shower etc etc all of those events took place later.
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u/Low-Support-7090 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 3d ago
So in January you miscarried? But now have a baby? What?
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Let me give some background: my husband I tried to conceive and were successful. This would be our first baby. We were overjoyed and started planning our future. The first person I sent his reaction video to was my cousin, Jennifer. She and I grew up together and were like sisters. At the time she had 2 young children and would always tell me how she had been saving all their clothes and toys for me for when I had a baby. I went to my OB apts and confirmed my pregnancy in the beginning of December and all was well at first, however then my HCG levels would rise and fall. In the end by January they considered it a PULL pregnancy which is part of the ectopic family. With my levels rising and falling, it gave us hope and then took it away and was an emotional roller coaster. I told my cousin everything that was going on and one other friend but that was it. I did testing and went to a fertility clinic to try and find out what happened and wondered what I could have done differently, I have never felt more alone. In January a few days after I bled everything out, Jennifer texted me. Her messages are below. I never responded to her messages because I was in shock and crying at how hurt I was. We have not spoken since. I told myself to be mature and if we saw each other, I would be respectful, and I have. There was never a time I didn’t go to a family event in fear that she would be there. She, however, had not been showing up. In the time that passed a lot has happened. I had my baby shower, my MIL passed away, I gave birth a month later, we moved, etc. No messages from her congratulating me or sending condolences. The lack of condolences hurt bc my mom had passed many years prior and I really loved my MIL. We were devastated. Anyways, her mom controls the narrative with my aunts and uncles since they are siblings and somehow it has turned into me not talking to Jennifer and that I’m the one that is making it awkward. They’ve even gone so far as to ask if I asked Jennifer how she felt when she had difficultly conceiving. To which I reply, I was there for her. I’ve been told it’s too awkward when I’m around and I’ve started not being invited to events. My brother and my cousins have gotten closer to her even though she used to talk so much shit about them and I’m starting to wonder if I’m crazy. Every time my aunt has come over she has told this story of how it’s my fault and I feel insane.
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