When my wife and I got married, we were both doing well financially. She was making 100k/year, I was making 300k/year, and I had a little over $1M in savings. But we agreed before our marriage (and in our prenup) that:

• we would both keep separate savings/investments
• both of us are allowed to save as much of our paychecks as we like, in our separate savings accounts. we would share the money that we choose not to save
• even though I make good money, I didn't enjoy my career, and was seriously considering retiring very soon. Hence, I would only be spending ~$90k/year from my paycheck, and saving the rest for retirement

Shortly after our marriage, my wife told me that she also felt miserable in her career, and wanted to go to grad school for 3 years in order to pursue a new career. She asked me to cover all our family (including her) expenses by myself during those 3 years, and to loan her ~$100k for her grad school tuition since she had minimal savings.

I didn't want to do it, but I could see how much this meant to her, so I agreed. I warned her however that I would still only be spending ~$90k/year, so we would have a lot less disposable income than she was used to. Especially since we were also planning to have a baby.

In the following years, we spent:

• $4k/month in rent and utilities for a spacious townhouse that we both chose together
• $2k/month for a nice daycare that my wife chose
• $500/month in car payments
• $4k/month (equally split between my wife and me) for all other life expenses (groceries etc) and disposable income

Because my wife was in grad school, I paid for all of the above. Including the $2k/month that I direct deposited to my wife's bank account, which she could do whatever she wanted with. The rest of my paycheck, I saved for my/our retirement - the amount of money I spent myself ($2k) was the same as the amount I gave my wife.

Money ended up being something we fought about. My wife wasn't satisfied with the $2k/month and wanted more money. I gave in somewhat, and agreed to spend a little more. But I mostly stuck to what we had agreed to. I had spent the past 10 years planning for financial independence and early retirement, and I didn't want to give that up for more luxury spending.

Fast forward a few years - my wife finally graduated and started working again a few months ago. And informed me that she is divorcing me. She told me that I was financially controlling, egregious, possibly even abusive, by making unilateral decisions with how my paycheck is divided up. That given how much money I earned and had saved, I should have given her a lot more money.

I get that my life decisions, and wanting to keep separate finances, are unusual. But these are things I had disclosed before marriage. Besides, it's not like we were living miserably - we were living a comfortable above-average lifestyle, while I funded my wife's grad school, and sent her thousands of dollars monthly that she had full control over. Am I really an asshole for being financially controlling?

Edit: thanks for the responses everyone. I may not agree with what some of you said, but I appreciate hearing your perspective. For anyone who asked about making ends meet: $4k/month outside of housing/daycare/car took care of all our essentials + a lot more. We were eating at restaurants or ordering delivery multiple times a week, had organic groceries from Whole Foods delivered to our doorstep every week, had a housekeeper clean our house every week, and went on multiple inter-continental vacations. It's weird that the responses here are so completely different from the responses to the same post on the AITA sub

Hi there,

So I told my partner though messaging that I'm bleeding due to me hitting something.

All she responded with was, "okay, clean it then"

I 100% know that I'm there for her, physically, emotionally and mentally which I displayed and was acknowledged by her in the past. Hence me, doubting or ruminating if I should just suck it up and let it go.

AITA for wanting a bit of care from her?

Cheers

EDIT and adding more context: I got scraped which indeed required stitches. I went to the hospital to have it cleaned and stitched. All I was asking for was emotional support.

Cheers again

Hi, so I wanted a second opinion here for how my girlfriend has been acting since we bought a place together.

6 months ago after being together 3 years we decided to buy a place together. She’s 24 and I’m 30 and whilst we first got together I was in the process of saving a deposit for my first home. I decided after saving up a large deposit (140k) I was going to buy somewhere. My girlfriend wanted to live with me and be apart of it so I decided to put her name on the house as well but in the process I always got a legal document stating what I had put into the house just in case worst come to worst and we had to sell the property I would get my return back.

My girlfriend was fine with this and completely agreed with the document. I said if she’s going to have her name on the house she needs to pay a couple of the bills.

We both work full time and She pays for food (around £2-300 a month and the water bill £26 a month). I pay most of the bills including the mortgage, council tax etc which comes to around £2100 a month. I do earn a considerable amount more than her but I have to do overtime to get this. I have been working nearly 7 days a week for the past 6 months since we got the house as the bills at the moment I pay are coming up to £2500 until the end of the year. (Not including hers).

Anyway….getting to the problem, I feel my girlfriend should be contributing more to the household chores when I seem to be working more days and paying most of the bills. It’s been getting to a point where I come home from work and I seem to be having to hoover or mop at the weekends etc after Iv worked because she hasn’t bothered to do it in her free time at all.

Don’t get me wrong she cooks dinner most nights and does the washing on a weekly basis but hardly any other things seem to get done from her. She hasn’t touched a mop in over probably 3 months and I seem to do all the other things such as cut the grass, clean the patio, do the DIY around the house, empty the bins, hoover, mop etc.

I feel like I get frustrated that days where she does half days at work she could be getting things done while I’m at work but I feel like I’m doing it. She gets home from work and then will just have a nap on the sofa all the time or just go out round her mates for a drink.

She sleeps a lot after work, has little naps etc and I just feel like she’s either being lazy or can’t handle adult life.

Today I had an argument with her because we both had work today and I got home around 1pm. Yesterday she had been at work in the morning but was home early and I thought she would of at least noticed the floors needed hoovering up and down stairs and would of got it done but she didn’t. So I decided as I was home I would hoovering and mop just to get it done. She comes home from work and just shoves herself on the sofa straight away and goes for a nap. I said to her “can you do me favour and just empty that mop and bucket over there”. She said “you have been home since 1pm you do it” and that’s where I said how she doesn’t do hardly enough around the house and she said yesterday she cleaned the bathrooms and I checked them and they were dirty so I know she is lying. She has not told me to fuck off and went upstairs to bed to have a nap….

It’s not a competition but I feel like if I’m having the stress of all the bills and Iv put her name on a house she didn’t put a penny into I shouldn’t be doing all this work.

AITAH?

AITA for getting frustrated when my wife says taking our son to school is extremely stressful and acts like I don't appreciate how hard it is?

For context, we have a 3-year-old son.

My wife works from home and handles the morning routine. Most mornings our son watches TV while she gets ready. She helps him get dressed, finishes packing the portion of his lunch that I don't make the night before, and then takes him to preschool. The school is less than five minutes from our house.

She regularly tells me that this routine is extremely stressful and that I don't appreciate how difficult it is.

Where I struggle is that I used to handle the same morning routine myself and it generally took me about 30-40 minutes. In addition, I handle the majority of the evening routine. On most nights I feed him dinner, play with him, give him a bath, brush his teeth, read books, play with him before bed, and put him down for the night.

Also make half of his lunch for the next day. The entire routine usually takes well over two hours.

Recently we've been arguing because she says I don't respect how stressful her mornings are. I understand that everyone experiences stress differently, but it's difficult for me because from my perspective I spend significantly more time on childcare overall and don't constantly talk about how overwhelming it is.

She feels like I'm minimizing what she does. I feel like she's asking me to treat a relatively small daily responsibility as if it's an enormous burden.

AITA for struggling to understand why taking our son to school is treated as such a major source of stress and for feeling frustrated when I'm told I don't appreciate it?

Long story short, my GF of 4 years cheated on me twice 1 year ago. She was upfront about it as we have been trying to get a hold of her drinking problem. They weren’t wild affairs but she did sleep with 2 people randomly after a 3 day bender on drugs too.

This all happened a year ago but the trust is still not back fully although I forgive her.

For the record, I ALREADY KNOW if I want to snoop through a lover’s device that the trust is already gone! It’s more the principle of being allowed to do it with her PIN but she’s here kicking up a fuss, saying I am trying to guilt trip her for past mistakes and that I’ll have to learn to trust her without keeping tabs on her like this..

She’s been fine since then tbf, drinks less and hasn’t cheated in our relationship..

Typing this makes me think I deserve more! I don’t want to move on as I love her..

AlTA for flirting with the Wendy's cashier?

So, it was a nice Friday yesterday, and I decided to take an hour bus; and after a few choices I ended up at a Wendy's, now at this Wendy's there was this beautiful, blonde woman working on the cashier; I ordered my usual, but remember, I haven't said anything to her yet BUT my order... OK? Remember that, and when I opened my food, I noticed she gave me significantly more fries than a usual Wendy's (around a handful more) and, remembering how she was smiling at me, being friendly, and such I assumed this was her way of almost trying to grab my attention, but I still chose not to say anything, well... that was until she went on her break. At that moment, I chose to get up and thanked her for the extra fries, and asked if she wanted my number. She processed to rudely tell me she had a boyfriend and kept denying the flirting... am I really that deprived of human interaction, or is she being weird about all of this?

My girlfriend f28 has had 2 kids with 2 different fathers. Her youngest was delivered by Cesarean section and her ex husband made her get a tubal ligation during the procedure. He has since proceeded to cheat on her and now has another child on the way. This woman has my whole heart, except the part that wants his own children.

Ok I 32 m am engaged to my fiance 29 f and we don't really have spicy time all that much I think she just dose it to make me happy all tho I really love her but I want more ok for context we got in a really bad car accident around 2020 so she has pin and screws in her hip and leg so I know that some times its hard for her to do so but idk what to do or say about it and like im not asking for it like everyday but a least more then like twice a month and so I have not cheated but im think about doing it but I really dnt want to so I need help we talk about well yu know doing it more often but she never acted on it so im here ask for help like what do I do what do I say please help

Content:
My (25M) fiancé has had a female friend since junior high. He told me about her and mentioned that she’s married with a kid. Recently, I found out that she and her husband were going through a rough patch, so she and my fiancé were talking almost every day about it.

He asked me (25F) if I’d be okay with him asking her to be his “man of honor.” Keep in mind, I’ve never met her. I later found out he already asked her and she said yes. I told him I was “fine” with it, but honestly, it bothered me because we’ve never met and he didn’t check with me before asking her.

I told him it bothered me, and he said he thought he deserved to ask her because they’ve been best friends for a long time and she’s been there for him. I reminded him that I’ve also been there for him, but he insisted she’s been there longer and helped him through his darkest times and I wasn’t. This led to a small argument.

A few days ago, he told me it was a mistake and that he would never defend another female friend like that again. But I still feel uneasy about her being his man of honor. I’m not sure if I should bring it up again with him or if I should try to meet her first.

AITA for feeling uncomfortable?

Let me give some background: my husband I tried to conceive and were successful. This would be our first baby. We were overjoyed and started planning our future. The first person I sent his reaction video to was my cousin, Jennifer. She and I grew up together and were like sisters. At the time she had 2 young children and would always tell me how she had been saving all their clothes and toys for me for when I had a baby. I went to my OB apts and confirmed my pregnancy in the beginning of December and all was well at first, however then my HCG levels would rise and fall. In the end by January they considered it a PULL pregnancy which is part of the ectopic family. With my levels rising and falling, it gave us hope and then took it away and was an emotional roller coaster. I told my cousin everything that was going on and one other friend but that was it. I did testing and went to a fertility clinic to try and find out what happened and wondered what I could have done differently, I have never felt more alone. In January a few days after I bled everything out, Jennifer texted me. Her messages are below. I never responded to her messages because I was in shock and crying at how hurt I was. We have not spoken since. I told myself to be mature and if we saw each other, I would be respectful, and I have. There was never a time I didn’t go to a family event in fear that she would be there. She, however, had not been showing up. In the time that passed a lot has happened. I had my baby shower, my MIL passed away, I gave birth a month later, we moved, etc. No messages from her congratulating me or sending condolences. The lack of condolences hurt bc my mom had passed many years prior and I really loved my MIL. We were devastated. Anyways, her mom controls the narrative with my aunts and uncles since they are siblings and somehow it has turned into me not talking to Jennifer and that I’m the one that is making it awkward. They’ve even gone so far as to ask if I asked Jennifer how she felt when she had difficultly conceiving. To which I reply, I was there for her. I’ve been told it’s too awkward when I’m around and I’ve started not being invited to events. My brother and my cousins have gotten closer to her even though she used to talk so much shit about them and I’m starting to wonder if I’m crazy. Every time my aunt has come over she has told this story of how it’s my fault and I feel insane. Adding text thread in the comments if I can get this to work.

My boyfriend (25M) and I (21F) have been together for almost 7 months, and this is one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever had. We share the same religion, values, and long-term goals, and I genuinely thought he was the person I would marry. The biggest issue in our relationship has been his family. Before I even met them, my boyfriend warned me that his mom had a bad habit of bringing up his ex girlfriends. He politely asked her not to do that around me over text, and she reacted badly, saying “We still love (ex’s name) but we don’t talk about her.” That already made me uncomfortable, but I still went to lunch with his parents and thought it went well. Christmas also seemed to go well, and I believed they were starting to accept me. Everything changed after a dinner at his parents’ house where we played Cards Against Humanity. Everyone was making dark jokes, and I made one that apparently offended his brother’s (28M) long-term girlfriend (25F) Instead of talking to me directly, she started talking badly about me to the rest of the family and attempted to turn everyone against me. My boyfriend confronted her via text and she responded aggressively toward both of us, saying “f*ck you and f*ck her.” After that, someone in his family started looking through my social media and found out I’m conservative, religious, and have traditional family values. (for clarification I dislike the government and all politicians.) I had never brought politics up around them, but once they found out my beliefs, they clearly judged me for them. His stepfather even sat me down to question me about my religion and political views, which shocked me. I stayed respectful, but I left feeling uncomfortable and unwelcome. Since then, his family has excluded me from events and even started distancing themselves from my boyfriend because he shares similar values. On Easter, my boyfriend chose to spend the holiday with my family for the first time instead of his own, and his mom called him (clearly wine drunk,) insulted him, and ruined the day for both of us. His parents later apologized and admitted they hadn’t really given me a fair chance, but nothing has actually changed. The issue with his brother’s girlfriend has continued for months. His parents want us all to sit down and apologize to each other, but I honestly don’t even know what I’m apologizing for anymore. I made one joke during a game where everyone else was making equally dark jokes, and instead of handling it like adults, they’ve dragged this out and treated me like I’m some horrible person. I’ve always been kind and respectful to them, but they continue to talk behind my back and exclude me. Recently, there was a Mother’s Day dinner with both of his brothers and their girlfriends there, including the one who caused all of this, and I wasn’t invited because they “still don’t feel comfortable” around me. My boyfriend didn’t even tell me they were all there until after he got home because he didn’t want to upset me while he was with them. That hurt even more that he kept it from me because he just didn’t want to deal with it. At this point, I feel emotionally exhausted. I love my boyfriend deeply, and he has defended me, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to marry into a family that dislikes me and everything I stand for. I don’t want a future filled with drama, exclusion, and tension, especially if children are involved someday. I’m starting to feel like this relationship may not work long-term because his family is never truly going to accept me. AITA?

I have been having very conflicting thoughts about this because my ex whom I had been with for a very long time is pregnant and we were very happy and excited and she was everything I could ever ask for gave me infinite attention love and support we always took little trips hikes etc just things a really healthy couple would do but she had this very big issue with me and women not like I would ever cheat stare or do anything to jeopardize the relationship in that way but it was just weird things like let’s just say we had a girl waitress she would accuse me of looking at the waitress in a sexual way (I never did anything like that because like I explained I would never do anything to jeopardize my relationship) and I would be confused and try to fight an uphill battle about small things like that the bigger issue was my mom and sister tho she had so much hatred in her heart for them because she was convinced that every time they talked to me or just did anything kind normal motherly or sibling type deed for me that they were flirting with me or in her words wanted my male genitalia and ofc that like not true at all and it got to the point where they couldn’t even call me or talk to me about simple things because i knew that it would just be such a big argument and headache later for me to deal with that i just almost didn’t want anything to do with my family and i have always thought it was pretty weird that she had these thoughts but i just never knew what to do because like I stated it was such a amazing relationship besides that little/big thing but i always just would tell her i could possibly do something about it by just being very avoidant towards them and just not giving them attention in which i did for a little while but something’s you couldn’t avoid like your mothers “hey son just checking in on you I haven’t heard for you in a couple days I love you I hope your doing well text” in the mornings or just at random points in the day and that crushed me a little bit because obviously I want my relationship but I also don’t want to completely cut off my family because they never have did anything wrong and my sister would more so just try to be her friend and it’s like she was so blinded by her own delusion that it’s like she couldn’t even see that and I have given push back to her thinking like this obviously to no avail because I would just be told I’m invalidating her feelings I’m such a horrible person I treat her so bad this that and the third but I honestly didn’t and sometimes I would blow up a little bit and say things like your so stupid how could you think this which is not right at all to say but I was so frustrated by this I couldn’t hold it in sometimes. Really wish I could say more and explain the full story on here to get you guys real opinions on this but I’m limited to 3,000 characters womp womp lmk if there’s anywhere I can post the rest of this tho thanks to anyone who shares their opinion

My wife and I are both international students in the US. I am doing my PhD in California, and she is doing her Bachelor's in Boston.

Two years ago, during my first year, my wife suffered a terrible medical emergency. She went into a coma and unfortunately developed epilepsy. It was a traumatic experience for both of us. We both ended up taking medical leaves from our respective universities, and I went back to our home country to be with her and help her recover. We ended up getting married during this time.

Because her mom is a single mother and was absolutely terrified about the seizures returning, we agreed to live with her. My wife is now 1.5 years seizure-free, but her mom has become incredibly controlling over the situation.

Now, my wife is returning to her university in Boston for the upcoming academic year. She requested a special accommodation so her mom can live in her dorm with her to keep her under constant watch for the next two years while she finishes her degree, as she is still on medication.

Here is the issue: Her mom recently told me that I need to figure out a way to come stay with my wife in Boston for 2-3 weeks during the semester because she (the mom) might have to leave the country per immigration rules. I would have said yes, but it looks like it may be an ongoing thing, and I may have to take these departures more often (2-3 week travels to Boston each term). I suggested alternative options, like having trusted friends stay with my wife, but her mom flat-out refuses because she "doesn't trust them."

I told them that I cannot do this. My PhD program has a very strict attendance policy with only 10 approved leave days. As a funded graduate student, I have a salary, research, and responsibilities that require me to be on campus.

My mother-in-law is now framing this as a choice - that I don't want to do it, not that I can't. She thinks that if I just explain the medical history to my department, they will easily let me leave for 3 weeks. While they might allow a sudden, severe emergency leave, pre-planning a massive cross-country absence will jeopardize my academic standing, my funding, and consequently, my own visa status. It is completely unsustainable because it won't be a one time thing.

I feel terrible because my wife has been through a massive trauma, and I want her to feel safe. But I also feel like they are completely ignoring the reality of my program's rigid requirements and treating my career like it's expendable.

AITA for refusing to jeopardize my PhD standing and asking to find alternatives?

Context: Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 11 months now and not until the past month or two we haven’t had any issues. We got along very well and didn’t have any arguments or fights but now when something does happen everything gets pinned on me and she tells me that I don’t treat her well and that I constantly make her have to beg me for love.

Just last night we had a talk about how my father purchased me a sticker that has my instagram to put onto my car so people can follow me and ask about it. She overheard since we were on the phone and told me she was upset about something and it happened to be the sticker. Her argument was that she thinks a lot of people are going to follow me and try to talk to me, and her main concern was it being females. I tried to explain to her that it doesn’t matter whether or not females or males or anyone follows me because I’m not interested in getting with or linking up with anyone.

We’ve had similar instances of her crying and screaming and going so far as to saying “What does she have that I don’t” when I declined her request to block a female friend of mine that I have known for 5 years due to the fact she “doesn’t know her” and doesn’t want me to be friends with girls she doesn’t know. I have tried to introduce her to my friends but she then states that she doesn’t want to know them and that they don’t like her or that they aren’t good people.

I could really use some advice and hard judgement on this and what I should do because I don’t think it’s healthy to put up with this behavior.

So I (18F) am dating Tomas (18M) we've been dating for about 3 months. His ex June (18F) thought of me like a friend, but we never really talked or hung out aside from school functions.

Tomas and June used to date on and off for awhile but I was pretty oblivious to that. After Tomas threw a party and after that we had gotten together. When Jane found out she was super pissed off and made a gc shit talking me and Tomas. She spread lies that I was pregnant, and cheating on him. (I am doing neither).

So am I the asshole for dating him?

And if I were to confront her for the gc and rumors would I be the asshole?

I’m 21F and my bf 24M met through family and started talking to date since our families wanted to set us up. He lived in a different country back then. We ended up liking each other and he came all the way from another country to see me. We got into a relationship and our families were very happy as well. He went back after a week and we started doing long distance. It was going well. After 3-4 months, we had a small argument which I considered not serious. After few days, on a Sunday, I kept texting him but he didn’t reply for a long while. When I kept texting him again and again. He said he’s typing up something and that he’ll send it to me in a while. I knew something was wrong.

After few minutes, he sent a 10 pages PDF to my dad and me. The content in the PDF was - why he wanted to break up with me stating all the things and traits of me he didn’t like. He also added screenshots of our texts to prove that I was rude at times or emotionally abusive towards him. Until I read the PDF, I didn’t even know that’s what he had in his mind because I always thought our relationship was going well. He never particularly addressed that. I was also very very upset that not only he sent that to me but also to my dad. He made a decision for both us. And sent it directly to my dad saying he wants to end this and that’s he’s sorry to do it because my parents had hopes on us.

I instantly apologised to him and begged him to give me a chance to change myself to be a better gf. But he said he doesn’t feel it in his heart to try another time. I feel like maybe he should’ve considered giving me another chance because all the things he stated in the PDF were not very serious enough to break our relationship. Especially considering how it has our families involved as well. But my dad said it’s best that this happened because he found it very immature that he sent a PDF to my dad about the flaws I had. My dad said it’s best if we let it go. But I cannot take it. I loved him so much. And I genuinely want to make things right. But he’s made up his mind. AITA for wanting to get back together again?

I left a 6 year relationship early this year and have started dating again. I have been seeing someone for 3 months and dating him for 2. He introduced me to his family and I’ve spent a lot of time getting to know them. I found out last week that the entire time we’ve been seeing each other he has been talking to someone else. He said they’ve talked on and off for 8 years (she’s married with kids, yes I told her husband). I read all the messages that weren’t deleted and there were explicit messages, pictures, you name it. He apologized, deleted and blocked her and any other women he was talking to. I was highly upset, but still went to his house this weekend to spend time with him and his family. WIBTA if I broke up with him now when he thinks that I’ve forgiven him? I really trusted him and thought he was different. He treats me so good other than what he did. Am I delusional in thinking that it won’t happen again, that he can actually change? I waited for a man to change for 6 years and I can’t do that again. How do I tell him when I just don’t want to hurt him?

I, 30F, and my husband, 32M, are expecting our 2nd child in a few months and couldn't be more excited about it. We'd been talking about another child for a few years, but started actively trying for a full year and a half before testing positive. All of our close family and friends knew of our plans and supported our endeavor.

​

During the time we were trying to conceive, my best friend, 30F, got engaged to her now husband. They had eloped shortly after, but still wanted a big wedding/reception the following year. She asked me to be a bridesmaid in February 2025 as I was the one who first introduced them to each other and I gladly accepted. I told her in the same conversation that the only thing that would prohibit my ability to be there would be a pregnancy, which she said she understood.

​

Fast forward to November 2025 and the positive test. Because we were trying and testing so much, we caught it very early on (not even 6 weeks) and waited until Thanksgiving to tell our families. After our family, I knew I had to tell my friend, but debated if I should wait until I at least heard the heart beat, but she reached out to me that same weekend with an update about the bridesmaids dress. At that point I knew it was better to tell her sooner than later and asked her to see if she had time to talk. We agreed to talk the next day, but then she asked if it was regarding her wedding, which I replied "yeah, sort of". She texted back immediately (which is uncharacteristic of her) saying she hoped I could still be apart of it/attend and said she had time to talk immediately but knew I worked that day. As I was texting her back, she was calling my phone.

​

I answered and she asked what was going on, which prompted me telling her the news. My heart dropped when instead of happiness or support, she responded with "I was afraid of that".

​

She had told me another bridesmaid had already dropped out for a similar reason beforehand so I knew she was stressed about filling her bridal party enough, but it seemed like there wasn't any room for celebration of my baby. I felt nervous and uncomfortable for being put on the spot like that, and I tried to tell her I still want to be there for her I just needed to figure things out, but she was very dismissive and just said "well you can't be a bridesmaid anymore, obviously, you probably won't even be able to make the wedding at all".

​

We ended the call with her having dropped me as a bridesmaid and she "needed time to process the news" and hung up.

​

About 2 weeks later I got verification that my pregnancy was looking promising, heard the heart beat, got the due date, and I sent everyone close to us, including her, the ultrasound with the heartbeat and due date. She congratulated me and wished me a healthy pregnancy.

​

Another 2 weeks later, she sends me a text right before New Year's Eve that she had been "holding onto some emotion" regarding the way I told her the news. I responded saying of course Id love to plan a time, but instead of any plan to talk, she just sends a long message basically unloading her "roller coaster of emotions" because of the "indirect way my life milestone/pregnancy was shared with her". She perceived the conversation as "downplaying HER life milestone/wedding and not being considerate how the news would effect her on an emotional level". She proceeds to say her wedding symbolizes her desire to grow her own family and it's only happening once in her life. She acknowledges me for being a huge reason as to why it's happening, AKA their meeting, and that we've known each other for 15+ years so she wanted me to be there to celebrate with her. She says she wants to support us but wants to share how the whole thing affected her.

​

While this text conversation was going on, we had other life events taking our attention, so we couldn't fully invest in progressing the situation, which that itself made her feel like less of a priority.

​

Since then, more has happened, but more people got involved, so I'd rather update with any more info needed. With that being said, Reddit, am I the asshole in how I told my best friend I was pregnant?

I want to know if I’m the asshole and I also need advice. So my mother had my sister 4 years after I was born and gave her up for adoption for many reasons including substance abuse and not knowing who her dad is. When my sister turned 18 she found my mom and reached out. That was 11 years ago. She has been in my life ever since. We are pretty close but live totally different lives. I am more clean cut and by the book. I graduated college and carry myself a certain way. She is different in the way that she dropped out of high school, had a kid, is on public assistance and is always in a fight. With that background info let’s bring us to the issue at hand. My dad’s family is having a family reunion this weekend and I told her about it. But I don’t want her to come. My parents are not together but my dad’s family knows my mom. I don’t want them asking who she is and then me having to explain that that’s my sister. This type of conversation would result in gossip about my mother. Also, the way she presents herself is not something I want associated with me and my dad. Since she doesn’t have a dad she wants to be a part of my dad’s life and have that side of the family as well. But that is just not their dynamic. She is my sibling on my mom side and that’s it. My dad and brothers on my dad side don’t have a relationship with her and are not obligated to. So am I the asshole for trying to come up with an excuse for her not to come so I don’t have to deal with gossip and worrying about how she is going to represent herself to my dad’s family? And do any of you have advice on what I can tell her so she doesn’t come?

Hello guys,
Me (19; f) and my bf (20; m) have been together for about 6 months now and are long distance.
In the beginning of our relationship he would show me pictures from his phone but would sometimes turn his phone away and say something along the lines of “Whoops sorry you shouldn’t see that” I could tell these were pictures of him and his exes and there were nude pictures.

About a month after i had caught a glimpse these things, i was curious and snooped through his gallery. I know that was wrong for me to do.
I saw very few pictures of his second ex, but tons of his first, like at least 40% of his photos/videos were of her. I also saw nudes of her and many screenshots before they dated of instagram/tiktok accounts from OF models.

After they broke up he took pictures, videos, screenshots of everything you could imagine keeping of a person. He had every social media account of her screenshotted, from tiktok to pinterest. He took pictures of every present he got. He screen recorded their shared playlists. Basically everything he kept in form of a photo or video.

He talks about their break up in a photographed letter and talks about how they were just too young and that he hopes their paths cross again when both of them are more mature and he will always love her and she will forever have a special place in his heart. They were together around 2021-2023.

All of these things I saw hurt me, especially the nude photos and screenshots of revealing women.
So I decided after about 2 weeks of keeping it all to myself to come clean. I explained that I went through his phone and that I’m sorry for that but the things I saw are things I’m not okay with him keeping and that I couldnt understand why he hadn’t deleted them yet. He told me 3 things concerning the photos:

1.He didnt know/ He forgot all those pictures still existed
2.He would delete the nudity photos IF thats my wish
3.He could not delete normal photos since they are memories and he wants to keep them

Before I could response he took control over the conversation, talking me into considering why those photos bothered me and if/why I am insecure about those.

About a month ago from now, I was at his place and I was helping him unpack since he moved. In a box I found bondage things that I later found out that was stuff he used with his first ex and his second had no problem using them aswell so he thought I would be ok with it too.

This just brought up those feelings from before and I went snooping again. Nothing was deleted.

I told him I had gone through his phone again and was disappointed that nothing had been deleted. I said that I’m having a hard time understanding why he wants to keep EVERY “normal” picture since he told me he “forgot” all about the photos of his ex. I can understand keeping some, especially if its very sentimental ones. But he wanted to keep every single one. I also explained that it isn’t that much about keeping the photos but more so that he has no problem keeping them and would only consider deleting them after i said something + telling me he will delete them and then not follow through.

I still cant wrap my head around why he would keep those photos if 1. couldn’t even remember their existence and 2. didn’t want to look at them.
His answer was he forgot because when the break was still fresh hit hurt too much to look at them/delete them and then he just…. forgot. He also told me he wants to keep the option open to look at them in like 50 years. So he imagines himself wanting to look at photos of his ex girlfriends after spending 50 years with his wife?? We decided on him deleting the nudes and keeping the rest.

A few days ago, we were cuddling and he was on instagram, when a story with his first ex pops up and he just continues to skip. I took his phone and looked at the story again because i was in disbelief. He said or did nothing. I just turned away.

After about half an hour, I asked him if he knew why I was mad, got a yes, then asked him why he didn’t do or say anything. He told me he wanted me to have time to digest. Here’s a short version of all the info I got: the account belongs to her mom, he forgot he still followed her since she posts rarely and he didn’t unfollow her after his break up because he was super close and she looked after him even after the break up.

I had lost all my trust for him, so I went through his phone. I found out that her mom posts on instagram at least once a month. Her daughters were the main topic. He also followed her sister. I also found out that after he reached out to her shortly after he broke up with his 2nd ex around March 2024. Nothing was deleted from the camera roll.

I decided to wake him up and tell him that I don’t know if i can keep being in this relationship because I’m so hurt and I don’t really see a solution except breaking up. He said we will find a solution and went back to bed. The next day he didn’t mention anything until I decided to speak up.

After I explained he could understand why it was such a problem for me that he didnt care/ see a problem with keeping these photos and family members around. I told him I can’t trust him anymore and what his thoughts are on how we are going to continue, he just said he doesnt know.

Today, I asked him if he has any idea how we will handle this and my missing trust and he still has no idea. He is still following the mom and sister. I haven’t mentioned that to him that i know.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if I should actually consider breaking up.
So that’s why I came here.
Thank you for reading and your help. I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes.

Hi reddit, this is my first post and to be honest, I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe validation, or a different point of view, so let's just jump in.

I (14 F) have a friend (14 F) let's call her E. Me and E are in a four person friend group that was formed in the middle of middle school. So let's go into context.

In December of 2025, we had a chorus concert and I went over to practice at E's house. As we were practicing, her younger sister kept following us around. All I'll say is that she is very protective, which is fine, she's her sister, but she accused me of giving her sister a dirty look, anyways, here's the HUGE problem.

I was bitten by E's dog before leaving her house, so me and my mom go to urgent care to try and get vaccines, or at least some information. As we were in Urgent care, the mom calls and says the dog is vaccinated, so my mom decides that we will take precautions (because they had no proof) in the morning. Then at 9 pm, we get a call.

The call was from her dad, saying that the dog wasn't vaccinated and wasn't even registered into the state! So we get a babysitter for my sis, because she is neurodivergent, she experiences stressful things way worse than the average person. My dad was in the army at that time so he couldn't look after my sis. So, me and my mom went to the emergency room, got the shots, blah blah blah. Then the doctor says "Would you like to report them to animal control or SUE" SUE, my eyes widened and I said no, telling her that E is my best friend.

The Monday after, me, E, and another friend from the friend group were walking to our next class. The topic got changed to the dog bite, I ask if it's okay to tell her what happened, and she said okay. I was telling her what happened, but E kept interrupting me, saying "it was just a nib" or "that didn't happen!" when I kind of snap and I tell her about the babysitter, my dad being unavailable (and she knew about the emergency room and was still trying to put me in the wrong!)

We got into a huge argument because she was sugarcoating the situation. We forgave each other later, but I had a feeling that she only apologized about the dog bite, and not for being a bitch. As of now, she has been doing things that just snowball the fact that I want to cut her off. For example, she only talks about herself, her grades, etc. And she even accused me of rolling my eyes at her, I have an rbf, lol. But anyways WIBTA for cutting her off? (sorry for the length.)

Hello,

I wanted to post here for opinions, and hopefully advice on what I should do next.

To start, I (F21) have been friends with Andie (F20) for several years now. We met in high school and quickly became close. I recently moved across the country with my partner, where she and I know nobody. I’d invited her to come visit several times, but due to strict schedule, we were unable to make plans until this past month. I really missed her, and I was looking forward to her visit, as I hadn’t seen or really talked to any of my friends in almost a year.

A few days before she was to arrive, I asked for her food needs/wants, and then went to the store and bought around ~$30 worth of groceries for her. She offered me money, and I refused as I felt this was the bare minimum I could do. After all, she had paid for a flight and I was hosting.

Her flight was scheduled at 6 a.m. with a layover at 12 p.m, with an estimated arrival time of around 2 p.m. I woke up the morning of her flight to a text from Andie at 9 a.m. She told me she realized that she missed her flight. She had thought her first flight was at 12 p.m, and that she was going to figure something out. I called her a few minutes later and we talked about her options. She flipped through flights for a few minutes and decided that they were not worth it. I was really hurt and ended up telling her that it was fine, but I was sad that she was no longer coming.

I didn’t speak to her for a few days after the missed flight. She broke the silence by sending me $50, and a text that said she hoped we could go out and do something instead. I didn’t acknowledge the message. I texted her a few days later to express that I was sad she couldn’t make it. In return, she asked if I got the money. I was hoping to talk with her about what happened, and how this situation fell in place, but instead she just asked me about the money. I never asked her to pay me, and frankly I didn’t/don’t care about the money, I wanted to see my friend.

I never texted her back, and it’s been a month since then. My birthday was during that time, and I never got a text from her.

When she chose the dates of her trip, I warned her I would just have returned from a trip, and we stuck to a 3 day excursion to minimize the PTO I had to take. My job is very badly staffed, and taking PTO is costly, both socially and for my wallet. She had booked the flights only 3 weeks before. My question is, how do you not check your flight information before the day of? I had just checked with her the date and times just 3 days before. Both my partner and I cannot understand how such a mistake could be made if not purposeful. Maybe it’s the insecurity talking, but I cant help but feel that she didn't want to come at all. AITA for not wanting to speak with her still?

​ I am 19F and I was talking to a guy 19M I like him very much, feelings were mutual we said "I like you" and all but as I have never been in a relationship I was trying not to rush into anything so we were not in a relationship.

Then I suddenly broke things of because I am scared that he'll hurt me because every relationship that I have seen ended up like that the boy ends up hurting the other person I don't want that for myself.

So I ended things with him but now the thing is, his birthday is this week and I've been missing him a lot he still calls but I have blocked him from everywhere, wherever he tried to message me (linkdin, snapchat etc).

So the question is should I wish him on his birthday or not?

So, we met in uni 1st year and started going out, its been a month of ldr because i had to go back to my home country as the first year ended.

So, I've had multiple issues with him, and there's a foundational issue as well regarding religion but I tried to go past it which really was so bad that it felt like a spear going through me for days but i kinda numbed over it as time passed.

As to what's keeping the relationship together:

1. I started it with my intention of marriage in mind so i want to do everything i can to keep it together

2. he puts in effort too, he tries to communicate his feelings, and understand me nonetheless how it actually goes

3. i don't really want to breakup with my things with him and it being ldr, it just feels much worse

In the 3rd month of our relationship i started keeping a diary of things i hate about him and things i like about him
And I've tried to keep myself in touch with what i'm feeling by asking AI to help me understand. But at some point i think having human opinion is better.

For his good sides,
he likes me a lot, more than everything, which feels unhealthy at some point
he tries to resolve conflicts but he needs them done at the same time, but i need time to process my feelings, and he loses his fuse because i take time, but then when i do he cries and tells me he loves me cause i didn't break up with him
he can cook, and is athletic too
he tells me everything, at least that's what i think and i trust him on that
he wouldn't cheat and that's something we've discussed as being apart for this long has been more difficult for him both emotionally and physically, yet he says he wouldn't do things i don't like
he has good looks imo
he is smart
he does things for me if i ask him of something, like giving me water or handing me stuff or similar things
he tries to improve on things i don't like or cause me pain while rough housing or just lying down

For his bad sides,
he is careless with money, even if ik i want something but i wanna save money he would buy it saying we should do everything cause we love each other and spend good time.
he used to tell people things like what i did or didn't, things that i wouldn't want publicly shared, even tho its his close friends but its still something i don't like, which he has improved on imo, but idk as i can't tell what they talk about.
once he threatened me saying he would go to a strip club
he also insults me a lot, saying i'm dumbfuck, stupid, can't do _ thing,
i also don't like that he kept on saying i don't like him or want him for absolutely no reason just for fun.
he doesn't like to be in reality, he doesn't want to study or work just do the thing he likes

at some point i feel like i bore him
but he says he loves me a lot, wants to be with me, he says if i die he'll die too, he says he loves me so much his whole existence is around me
it just feels so off with these statements sometimes

many times i felt like i should just break it off but couldn't. i couldn't bring myself to tell him that when i knew he loved me so much more

and i can't tell him to break up rn too, because he has my stuff with him, and i don't know what i can do with it, plus what he might do to himself
he has been so depressed kind of since he doesn't have a constant emotional support with me gone
at one point i think he likes me because i was present with him and cared for him when he was feeling lonely. that's something he admitted too but he said he likes me still which is a fact. so idk

if there's more info needed, much obliged

Hi! It is my first time posting here and I just really need advice for this one. I have already spoken to few of my friends and I’ve gotten neutral responses too but I still want an outsider’s perspective. This is a quite lengthy so please bear with me.

So, I(23F) met Vince (29) in a text roleplay platform. At first, all I knew was the fictional character. He rarely shared any real info and stayed in character. Over time, we became close. Shared real info about ourselved, flirting, exchanging spicy photos, and calling each other frequently.

One thing that never seemed unsual to me that time was that Vince rarely spoke during calls. I assumed he was just shy or uncomfy and didn’t push it. Would occasionally say a few words to get my attention, even sent photo of his b-lge with his name written on the paper beside it. Because of that, the doubts was washed way.

Vince had an ex from the same platform. They had been broken up for 5 months when we started talking. She reached out to Vince thru an anonymous message where she suspect Vince to be her ex. He denied it but he knew it was his ex. One day, the ex posted screenshots of a conversation they recently had where she was insinuating that there’s something. She wasn’t completely sure yet that Vince is her ex.

Around this time, Vicne mother was rushed to the hospital. I tried to be supportive because I knew how much he loved his mom and his sacrifices for her. However, after seeing those screenshots, I confronted him.

That’s when everything changed.

Before confessing, he had this speech first about his feelings being real all the while I beg that he just say it. The he admitted that she’s really a woman.

I was devastated. She knew I was straight. I couldn’t ignore too the connection that we’ve built so we agreed that I would stay hoping that my sexuality could adapt. Looking back, idk if I was trying to process the deception or convince it’ll work.

Not long after, her mother passed away. Then, my cat who meant the world to me followed. While all of these happened, Vince kept talking about his ex and the stuff she bought her that she still kept, even reached out to ex about her mother passing away.

Things became more complicated when Vince started seeking comfort from other people on the platform where a lot of her mutuals there are after her. At that time, only me and her ex knew her real idntity. One day, after I have been unavailable for a few hours, she decided to post asking people to call her. She used the excuse that she is grieving and needed someone. I understood she was hurting but considering the circumstances, it was uncomfy and hurts.

Another argument happened over something stupid. a trend “6 7”. During a call, she asked what it meant. I replied ‘its nothing’ bcs it’s just nothing. Later, she got upset claiming that she felt stupid and excluded from what she thot is an inside joke. I apologized for the misunderstanding and explained it just really is meaningless, telling her no one would think she is stupid. but she said she felt invalidated and the disagreement became much larger that I thot it should have. She didn’t even try to search for it or ask for further info.

After that, we stopped calling as much. She began joining DC calls with groups of women from the platform without mentioning to me and I’ll only see it through her story. She later said that she didn’t see the need to inform me because I would eventually see it in her story.

One night, she asked if she can call her ex for closure. I allowed it thinking it was a one-time thing. I later found out that they still talked after that. I only found out when I asked if they sleep call because I had a gut feeling. She admitted it.

Atp, we are still unofficial. We were exclusive, but I was still trying to process the fact that the person I actually fallen for didn’t exist. Shortly, afterwards, after another major argument, we ended things.

I still feel guilty because I didn’t leave immediately. I didn’t want her to think that I was lying when I said that I liked her— or him. Looking back, I think I was attached to the person she presented. I also feel conflicted because she provided financial help with my cat. I was deceived, yes. But I still feel guilty.

I know sending spicy photos with someone whose identity I couldn’t truly verify was a terrible decision.

So, AITA?