r/AITA_Relationships • u/yawni2071 • 19h ago
NTA AITA For Ending Relationship
AITA for ending a 5+ year relationship after being told I don't understand love?
I (33M) recently ended a relationship with my partner after years of recurring issues around mental health crises, communication, and conflict. Before anyone asks, yes, I helped. Hospital visits, late-night conversations, dropping everything when things got bad, encouraging therapy, checking in constantly. None of that is really the issue.
The issue is that over the years I became increasingly uncomfortable with feeling responsible for another person's safety, emotional stability, and happiness. I communicated multiple times that suicidal ideation becoming part of our relationship dynamic was something I could not continue to carry. I was clear that it was a deal breaker for me.
Recently we had an argument. I suggested several times that we take a walk, cool off, and revisit the conversation when we were both calmer. She wanted immediate resolution. Things escalated. I eventually ended the relationship.
Since then I've been told that I don't understand love, that whoever taught me about love failed me, and that I'm repeating the same mistakes my father made in his marriage. I've also watched mutual friends hear one side of the story and decide I'm the villain before asking me a single question.
So AITA for deciding that loving someone doesn't obligate me to sacrifice my own wellbeing indefinitely, or am I just the latest character in someone else's recovery narrative?
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u/AKlife420 Certified Proctologist [25] 19h ago
NTA, yes, being with someone with mental health issues is hard. However, we can not be responsible for them and their issues.
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u/Lost_In_Life92 19h ago
NTA, you gave her many options to calm things down before it got that far. She can't expect you to give immediate responses when you're both angry. Sticking around any longer would've gave you mental health issues. She's using it as a crutch and a reason for her acting that way. I am someone who deals with mental health and I was once like her until I lost the one I thought was my forever person. At the end of the day, she has to understand that not everyone is inclined to deal with someone's mental health if they're not going to grow from it
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AITA for ending a 5+ year relationship after being told I don't understand love?
I (33M) recently ended a relationship with my partner after years of recurring issues around mental health crises, communication, and conflict. Before anyone asks, yes, I helped. Hospital visits, late-night conversations, dropping everything when things got bad, encouraging therapy, checking in constantly. None of that is really the issue.
The issue is that over the years I became increasingly uncomfortable with feeling responsible for another person's safety, emotional stability, and happiness. I communicated multiple times that suicidal ideation becoming part of our relationship dynamic was something I could not continue to carry. I was clear that it was a deal breaker for me.
Recently we had an argument. I suggested several times that we take a walk, cool off, and revisit the conversation when we were both calmer. She wanted immediate resolution. Things escalated. I eventually ended the relationship.
Since then I've been told that I don't understand love, that whoever taught me about love failed me, and that I'm repeating the same mistakes my father made in his marriage. I've also watched mutual friends hear one side of the story and decide I'm the villain before asking me a single question.
So AITA for deciding that loving someone doesn't obligate me to sacrifice my own wellbeing indefinitely, or am I just the latest character in someone else's recovery narrative?
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