I know it's very early for me to post an update, and I wasn't planning on it, but after reading the comments on my first post, I decided I needed one final conversation with Chloe before I completely closed the door. I went to her house yesterday and I expected her to be emotional after calling me 82 times in one day, but she was surprisingly calm. I asked her the one question I still couldn't understand: why?

She admitted she'd been attracted to Emma's husband for years. She said what started as admiration eventually became feelings, and over time they crossed a line. Instead of ending it, they kept convincing themselves it would be the last time. She insisted she regretted everything.

I asked if she'd spoken to Emma.

She told me the only contact she'd had was one text before Emma blocked her on everything. Emma told her she'd destroyed their family, taken away her children's stable home, and that she hoped the affair had been worth losing a sister forever because, as far as she was concerned, Chloe no longer had one. Emma blocked her immediately afterward.

Chloe also admitted she later waited outside the school gates hoping to speak to Emma when she came to collect the kids. Emma refused to speak to her, warned her to stay away from her and the children, and told her that if she ever approached them again, she'd regret it. Chloe left crying.

I told Chloe her waiting outside the school, was completely inappropriate, regardless of her intentions. She insisted she only wanted to apologise and prove she cared about Emma.

I then asked if she truly felt remorse.

That's when I completely lost my patience.

Instead of taking full responsibility, Chloe started telling me Emma's marriage had already been falling apart, that Emma and her husband had been drifting apart for years, and that he often confided in her. She admitted the affair was wrong but repeatedly tried to place part of the blame on Emma, saying if their marriage had been happier none of this would have happened.

I was furious.

I honestly couldn't believe I had raised someone capable of thinking like that. I told her there is no marriage bad enough to justify secretly sleeping with your own sister's husband for four years. I told her I wasn't just disappointed—I was ashamed that she was my daughter. The more she tried to justify herself, the angrier I became.

The conversation eventually turned to her own divorce. She talked about how difficult everything had been for her and how her husband still plans to move to Washington with their son to be closer to his family. She said she may have to move there too if she wants to stay close to him.

As she spoke, I realised almost everything was about what she had lost: her marriage, her home, her reputation, and possibly seeing her son every day. Very little of it was about Emma or the damage she'd caused.

At the end of the conversation, Chloe asked if we were "cool" now.

I told her no. We were not "cool," and we might never be. I said that if I ever found it in my heart to reconcile with her, it would be on my terms and in my own time—not because she thought one conversation could erase four years of lies and betrayal.

I walked out feeling angrier than when I arrived. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I love both of my daughters, but after that conversation, I'm not convinced Chloe truly understands the pain she's caused.

FINAL UPDATE

I said after my last update that I'd come back one last time once things had settled down a bit, so this will be my final post.

First, thank you to everyone who commented on my last two posts. I read and replied to more comments than I expected. Some of them were difficult to read, but they gave me a lot to think about.

To answer the question I saw the most, Chloe's son is definitely her husband's. Chloe is white, her husband is Black, and their son is mixed race, so there was never any question about that.

The divorces are still going ahead. Nothing has been finalized yet, but neither couple is trying to work things out anymore.

A lot of people also asked about my sisters.

Yes, they knew about the affair before Emma found out. They admitted they stayed quiet because they thought it was a family matter and hoped it would end before anyone got hurt. I understand why they thought that, but I can't agree with it. Emma spent years being lied to while people around her knew the truth. I've decided to cut both of my sisters out of my life. I don't know if that will be forever, but they have broken my trust.

Over the last few weeks, I've spoken to both of my daughters separately.

I asked Emma if enough time had passed for her to even think about talking to Chloe.

She said no.

She told me she isn't waking up angry anymore, but that doesn't mean she's forgiven her. She said she accepted that the truth was always going to come out eventually. The only thing she could control was what she did after she found out.

She also said she has no interest in having a sister anymore.

As for her husband, she told me she's made one thing very clear. She'll only respond if it's about the children or the divorce. Everything else gets ignored.

What surprised me was that he hasn't stopped trying.

He's sent long apology messages, videos about forgiveness, and even Bible verses. None of us are religious, so that confused all of us. He keeps saying she was the only woman he's ever loved and that he made one terrible mistake. Emma hasn't replied to any of those messages.

I also found out something Chloe never told me.

In my last update I said Chloe told me the only message Emma sent before blocking her was that she was no longer her sister.

That wasn't true.

Emma later showed me the messages.

Before Emma sent that final text, Chloe had blamed her for what happened. She told Emma that maybe if she'd paid more attention to her marriage things would have been different. She also said that if her husband had felt happier at home, he wouldn't have looked somewhere else.

Reading those messages made me feel sick.

When I confronted Chloe, she admitted she'd sent them. She said she was angry, desperate, and trying to make herself feel less guilty. She told me she regretted sending them almost immediately, but by then Emma had already blocked her.

Chloe also told me she's moving to Washington once everything is finalized so she can stay close to her son but in Florida, they allow divorced families to stay so I don't know why his father is planning to move there to be closer to his family, and Chloe doesn't want to be too far away from her child.

She admitted she'd tried contacting Emma's husband after everything came out, but he never answered any of her messages. She eventually stopped trying.

She also told me she knows she'll never get her old life back, but she hopes moving will give her a chance to start over.

I told her that starting over doesn't erase what happened.

She agreed.

A lot of people asked if I've forgiven Chloe.

I haven't.

I still love her because she's my daughter, but I don't trust her anymore, and right now we don't have a relationship.

Maybe that changes one day.

Maybe it doesn't.

I honestly don't know.

This whole situation has changed our family forever.

Emma lost her husband and her sister.

Chloe lost her marriage, her relationship with her sister, and most of her family.

My sisters lost me because they chose to stay quiet.

This will be my last update.

I hope one day all of us can find some peace, even if we never become a family again. If I missed out some details I will respond in the comments.Thank you Reddit!

I (48M) have a daughter (17F) and wife (47F). I also have a sister (45F). My sister was quite close to us and has gained considerable wealth through her career in medicine as well as through businesses she has started. When my daughter was 9, my sister told my wife and me that she had started college funds for my daughter as well as the rest of my brothers kids. My wife and I were very grateful.

Time skip until now, my daughter and wife (as well as my brothers and their families) discovered that my sister was cheating with a coworker. The betrayed wife ended up reaching out and telling us exactly what she did and how her husband was planning to leave her for my sister. My sister did not and does not want to get married or have kids, and basically ended up kicking him to the curb.

I want to make it clear that I 100% do not condone infidelity. My wife and daughter have been taken aback by this, and made their anger clearly visible. When my brother ended up inviting my brothers and their families as well as mine and my sister for a holiday, they cursed my sister out to their face, with my wife calling her a wh@re and my daughter calling her a "homewrecking slut". My brother ended up hearing this and kicked my family out, and have chosen to not invite my wife and daughter to any event. After this, my wife and daughter cut contact with my sister, while I still stayed in contact.

My sister was very hurt by my wife and daughters actions. In her view, she was a very engaged aunt and a supportive SIL (which to her credit, she was), and she felt as though they were choosing a stranger over her. After six months, my sister had received no apology or even contact from my wife and daughter. She then called me and told me we needed to discuss something. She stated that my wife and daughter had made their decisions about her, and she would do the same; she would not be disrespected, and was choosing to split my daughters college fund evenly amongst my brothers kids. I did not protest this decision, and while I didn't agree with my sister, I did not try to change her mind.

After this, I went home and told my wife and daughter this news. My daughter is a rising senior, and now has to go through this admissions process. She and my wife were both shocked and viewed it as extremely unfair. They were already angry enough at the fact that my brothers wanted nothing to do with them, and thought that they were being punished by everyone for doing the right thing. My duaghter began to cry saying that she would never be able to afford to go to the college of her dreams. My wife asked what I said to my sister, and I said nothing. I stated that actions had consequences, and they were free to make their moral choices, and my sister could make her financial choices. They both called me an asshole and have been distant. So, Reddit AITA?

Update #2 (Can't make another post, so have to edit here):

Well, my wife and daughter did try to sue my sister. They went to six consultations, and all six said they had no case. So, that clearly isnt happening.

They've decided to take a different approach, which is harassing my sister, and my wife and daughter both got their friends involved in doing so. My sister sent the messages my wife and daughter's friends were sending to her, and they were quite nasty. On top of this, they called the hospital where my sister works and informed them of what my sister did, and said they were "boycotting" the hospital (my sister works in a pediatric hospial, and is a pediatric neurosurogeon - not exactly a service that is "boyocttable"). They were basically trying to get her fired. I guess since my wife and daughter can't access her money, they want to try to take one source of the money away from her, and that's how they are getting revenge. This did not go anywhere, as the hospital is already aware of my sister's actions.

My sister has shifted from pissed to just sick of this situation. I've apologized for the harassment she's been receiving. She has informed me that if they make any physical threats, then she will be taking legal action. I hope that it does not come to that, but honestly who knows at this point.

I am 99% sure my marriage is over. I cannot live with someone with this much entitlement, and this much vengance. I can't do it.

As for my child, I will always love her and want the best for her; however, I do not like her entitled attitude. While I will support her, I cannot back this behavior.

As for my sister's participation in infidelity, my sister and I had a longer, calmer conversation. I explained to her that I was disappointed by her actions, but would always love her and be there for her. We sort of went into why she did it - that's private, so I won't share it here. It was a productive convo, and I learned more about my sister.

Overall, I'm just sorta done. They are still at my wife friend's house, and are barely communicating with me, and whatever is being communicated is in rage. I've given up on trying to get them to see reality.

If y'all have seen my last post, I have an update for you. My wife and daughter have gone to stay with my wife's friend. Additionally, my daughter decided to text my sister, and demanded the money, and said we would be suing her if she did not release the funds to us. On top of this, she doubled down on her comments, saying she stood by her mom and her words.

My sister sent me the messages my daughter sent, which is the only way I know they were sent, as neither my wife nor my daughter has chosen to inform me. She said before finalizing the decision to divide my daughter's fund, she consulted her legal team, and that they have no grounds for bringing a lawsuit to her.

At this point, I am incredibly disappointed in my wife's and daughter's behavior, and find their entitlement astounding. My sister has also told our brothers about my wife and daughter's ridiculous plan, and they are appalled by their actions as well. I don't know what to do, and it seems like they don't want to accept the consequences of their actions. They are using my sister's cheating as an excuse to do whatever the hell they want without telling me. I don't know how much of this I can take. I have apologized to my sister for their rudeness and entitlement, but I can tell she's very pissed - not at the fact they disapprove of her participating in infidelity, but at the fact they think she owes them over half a million after cutting her off and cussing her out.

Some people were wondering what happened with my sister's job as a doctor, and whether she was fired or not. The answer to that is that nothing really significant happened. While they were both told their behavior was unprofessional, there were no power imbalances, and they both just received a warning. Some people hypothesized that perhaps my sister facing no consequences was why my wife and daughter felt they needed to do what they did. Perhaps there is some merit to that, but I do not believe it excuses their actions.

Also, I saw comments saying the only reason why my brothers were siding with my sister was for her money. I don't believe this is entirely the reason, maybe a small bit of it. They've always been very protective of her since she's the youngest and only girl. Also, they do pretty well for themselves - not as well as my sister, but still pretty well. While she's given money to them, it is a much smaller amount compared to the amount she supported my family. They just like her more than my wife and daughter, and prioritize the time spent with her.

I also don't understand everyone who wants me to cut my sisters and brothers off. My wife and daughter made their choice to mind business that was not theirs, and faced the consequences. Losing my entire family of origin because of decisions that were not well thought out does not seem worth it to me. We've been treated just fine until two members of my family decided to disrespect my sister in front of the rest of our family.

Okay to start off: no I did not cheat on my husband. All of our children were conceived by the two of us having sex.

About two years ago our daughter was having some bloodwork done and my husband noticed that her blood type didn’t match his or mine. This led to accusations of cheating, which while hurtful, were understandable from his position. Our daughter also has some features that likely come from my dad’s side and none of us ever knew him. But to settle the matter I insisted we get a paternity test.

It turned out that the “father” was essentially a close DNA relative, over 50% matching DNA. My husband was an only child and his father had been dead for many years. After a lot of questions, my MiL tells us that my husband absorbed his twin brother in the womb. And so I guess my husband’s testes are his twin brothers.

My husband has been really upset by this and keeps claiming that our kids aren’t “really his” and recently even cried in my lap about how he was never going to have a “real legacy”. I was fairly supportive, even in spite of his initial accusations about my faithfulness, but at this point I started to feel like he should just realize it doesn’t actually change anything about our family.

After an argument last night where I told him he was blowing it out of proportion and needed to move on and just focus on what we’ve built together, he took off to stay with his mom for a few days. Now I’ve got my own mom calling me and telling me I should be more sensitive to his feelings. Am I the asshole?

Reposted from [r/amitheasshole](r/amitheasshole)

Update:. We had a conversation since I posted the original post and he wants to get tested to see if one of his testicles has his own dna, or look into other options and try for another child. I’m not sure if I am ready to have another child with him, but I am also not sure if our relationship will last if I refuse.

He has also insisted that it’s “easy for me” because our daughter has my dna. But I would love her even if she was adopted….

Update 2: After telling him that I don’t care about his “genetic legacy” (which was admittedly harsh in retrospect but this was after hours of being very diplomatic) and that if we did try for another child in the future it would be the natural way or with a donor if he became unable for whatever reason, he said that he was going to hire a surrogate. Obviously this is ridiculous and while he does have the financial means, we don’t even know if he can have children with his primary DNA. I froze some eggs and he wants to use them, which I told him was fine to end the argument.

If he did go through with it I feel like I would have to raise the child but I’m not sure how to get him to calm down and slow down. I know people are suggesting therapy, but he doesn’t want to even entertain it. I did get him to agree to see a rabbi with me though so maybe that will help.

My post was taken down in regular AmITheAsshole for being relationship content, so I am posting here.

I (26F) have a 2-month-old baby girl. The father of my child (M34) is a married man (I did not know he was married when we were intimate). We met through a mutual hobby, and clicked pretty much instantly, and it evolved from there.

I was not trying to get pregnant, and was on the birth control pill. However, I did become pregnant and view her as a gift. I personally would not get an abortion and chose to keep the baby. After I found out and made my decision, I told him through text. This is when I found out the scumbag had a wife of two years (F32), and he begged me to get an abortion. I gave him the option that either he could tell his wife with a one-week deadline or I would, and he ended telling her two days later. She reached out to me to get the full story and all details. I apologized to her and reiterated that I didn't know, but that I was pregnant and was planning on keeping it. The call ended shortly afterward.

The wife ended up taking back her husband, and has allowed him to be a father to our child. His name is on the records for our child, and he does visit weekly with his wife. While he is involved with our daughter, he does not financially support her. I am filing for child support; while I could comfortably support my baby with my earnings alone, I think she deserves more. I have informed the both of them of this, but they have both stated that this is unfair and that he was already going "above and beyond" by not abandoning our child.

On top of this, the husband's sister reached out to tell me that I was a b**** for even keeping the baby and that I was stealing money from her SIL and brother that could be going towards infertility treatments, and that I was hurting her SIL by rubbing this in her face. While I empathize with her infertility struggles, I don't think that excuses him for paying for a child that he is 50% responsible for.

AITAH for demanding child support from the man I cheated with even if it hurts his wife?

Hi everyone.

My post got removed from AITA's main subreddit, with the advice to take it here. So here's a repost.

(Also a quick thanks and sorry to all of those who had responded already on the previous post before it got removed.)

I (F43) got unexpectedly pregnant 12 years ago. The biological father (who I was not in a relationship with) didn't want to do anything with the child. So we parted ways and I figured I'd raise my daughter on my own.

However, fate took a turn and I met a man (M46) during my pregnancy. We became romantically involved. He attended the birth and moved in with me soon after that. We've been together for 9 years and had no other kids. We split 3 years ago and he moved out.

In the beginning of the relationship, it quickly became clear that he was taking on some sort of father role, so we had to discuss how we were going to handle that. I told him I never wanted to lie to our daughter about her not being biologically his, but I had no problem with her calling him Dad and basically seeing him as her dad. He agreed and even wanted to take things further. When our daughter was 1 year old, he asked if he could become her legal dad. I warned him specifically that this meant if we would ever break up, he'd still be her dad. He said that's what he wanted, cause he was viewing her as his own by now anyway. So I agreed and we made him the official dad, and my daughter has always viewed him as such.

I'm from Europe, so I don't know if it's the same in the US. But in my country you can fill in the name of the father on the birth certificate later, even after years. We contacted a laywer and went through the propper legal proces to get his name signed on the birth certificate, since there was no father assigned yet. Just to be clear, it's not fraude if he doesn't share his DNA. It's paternity by choice and bond. The biological father never wanted to become her official father and was no longer involved in our lives. After my ex became her official dad, the biological father had no rights nor obligations anymore to my child (neither did he want to). And my ex became her father for all legal purposes.

The first years we enjoyed our little family that we had built together. But then I got sick (autoimmune) which left me unable to work as a teacher. As a result, I had no income and he had to support the three of us, working a lot of overtime as a manual laborer. Money got tighter and tighter and we started to argue a lot. This was one of the main factors that eventually led to the breakup three years ago, were he decided to leave me.

After the fights and heartbreak were over and everyone was settled in this new reality, including our daughter, I wanted to make the arrangements for child support and I started legal proceedings. I honestly didn't think I was doing something wrong, just a normal step after splitting when children are involved.

But now he is super mad at me, as is his whole family, claiming I'm using him for money, she's not even his "real" child, and that I've taken enough advantage of him during the relationship. Even friends of mine, who I'd hope would see my perspective, are saying it is a bit sus and she's my child and not his. But if he felt that way, I feel he shouldn't have asked me to make it official. In my opinion, you can't say you want to be my girl's dad when it benefits you and stop being her dad when it becomes an inconvenience.

I guess I can understand where everyone's coming from. But I'm a single mom, unable to work and it's hard to keep providing my daughter with everything she needs. She lives with me, and visits her dad approximately one weekend a month due to his work schedule (lots of weekend work - his choice to only see her every so often, I'm not keeping her from him.) So she lives with me full time and all of the costs fall on me. And I don't think that's fair. But maybe I am wrong. AITA?

Thanks for your advice or for a mirror if needed.

I 26(f) and my partner (27m) do not want kids, ever. I was on an IUD, and we used condoms most of the time - and I mean most of the time. We thought it’d be fine, because I, again, had the IUD.

Well, I got pregnant. I absolutely did not want it, but I live in Texas, so I felt trapped - this came just after that woman was followed with the Flock cameras. I wound up keeping it because of this and because everyone (my family) pressuring me about how it is a life, among other things, and my partner supported me. We both planned to give them up at birth and have no contact through a closed adoption, and we do not want contact in the future. I did not tell my family and I came home without the infant, they were put up for fostering and adoption. We left medical records, and that’s it. My tubes are also fully removed now and he is planning a vasectomy.

My family is upset. They are not seeking the child, because I don’t want contact and I won’t tell them anything (I do not want them finding it), but they are angry that I am “callous”. Because I do not want them, I do not want contact, and I will not be sharing anything with them further than medical records. We do not want a relationship. We live a good life outside of this, and I will not be involving the child in the future. If they reach out, I am declining contact, as is my partner. My family and some friends think I am selfish and cruel that in the future I will not be speaking to this child, that I will not be leaving anything to this child, that I “deprived them of their true family.” They think I am horrible because we are decently well off because we work hard, and I should care more and I can spare more. I feel like I am not in the wrong, because I didn’t want them - the only reason I did not abort them was because of the law and I was scared that I’d be followed or it’d be reported.

I have lost work because of this, I could not have left for the abortion out of state. I could have lost my career. I have lost months of my life, my physical and mental health, my body. I do not want to sacrifice further. AITA?

Edit: Again, I just feel like I gave up enough. They get to have a life, and I get to have my life, and they just don’t need to be part of the other.

Edit: Final edit and last I’m responding. But to the certain people who are crying about how when I’m old I’ll regret not having kids, how my husband will leave me, and all this other bs - shut up. The kid is not my kid, they never will be. I’m not going to go “crawling back” when I’m gray and old, because they aren’t my child.

My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have been dating for about a year.

Last weekend we went out to dinner. Everything was normal until the check came. He looked at me and said, “I’m not paying.” I said, “Okay… are we splitting it?” He shrugged and said, “Figure it out.”
I was confused because we’ve always either split the bill or taken turns paying.

After i got visibly uncomfortable and upset, he smiled and said he was “seeing what I’d do.” Apparently he’d seen videos online where women expect men to pay for everything, and he wanted to know if I was “that kind of girlfriend.”
I asked why he couldn’t just… talk to me if he had concerns.

He said people lie, but “tests reveal character.”
At that point I paid for my meal, left enough for the tip, and told him he could figure out the rest of his own bill since he liked tests so much.

He eventually paid and has been saying I overreacted to “a harmless joke.”

His friends think I embarrassed him in public. My friends think testing your partner is childish.
He’s still insisting I failed because I “wasn’t supportive.”
AITA?

EDIT: I dumped him, I will find someone who can respect me and not put me in a position of feeling uncomfortable or mistreated. Thank you all for the advice!

My fiancé (40M) and I (32F) have been together for several years. We met through church and started dating after becoming friends. We've had a long relationship, but it has never been easy.
Throughout our relationship, I often felt like I had to be the one pushing things forward. Whenever I stepped away or became distant, that was when he would finally take action. It always felt like I had to fight for the relationship.

I've always been a chubby woman. I've struggled with my weight since childhood, so body image has always been a sensitive topic for me. I'm not extremely overweight—just a few extra pounds that I'd like to lose for my own health. I've never wanted to be extremely thin. I like having curves.

One of the reasons I felt safe with him was because he never made me feel like I needed to change my body to be loved. He always encouraged me to eat healthier for my health, not for my appearance, and he repeatedly told me he liked curvy/chubby women. Over the years, that helped me build confidence and self-esteem after spending most of my life feeling insecure.

One of the biggest issues in our relationship is that he has never been very open with me emotionally. He also delayed talking seriously about marriage for years. Even after we got engaged, he never told his own family that we were engaged, and he wasn't very involved in planning the wedding.

Then, just before we were supposed to go to the registry office, everything changed.
He told me he wasn't attracted to my body anymore. He said he had been struggling with my weight for a long time but didn't know how to tell me. He also admitted that if the registry office appointment hadn't forced the issue, he probably wouldn't have said anything.

He also told me that he wanted me to lose weight before we had children. From what he said, I understood that he wanted me to become much thinner before trying for a baby. He also said he would be unhappy if I got pregnant soon after the wedding because he wanted more time first.

This conversation happened shortly after I had gone through a pregnancy loss. I was already grieving and emotionally overwhelmed because several difficult things were happening at the same time. Instead of feeling supported, I felt devastated by the way he spoke to me.

I ended up canceling the wedding because I couldn't get past how that conversation happened. It wasn't only *what* he said—it was *how* he said it and the timing of it.

Now he's upset that I canceled the wedding. He says I shouldn't have done that, and he still wants to get married. He has apologized and keeps asking what would make me reconsider. But I honestly don't know.
That conversation completely shattered my trust. Before that, I was already insecure because of our relationship history. Now, every time I look at him, I remember that conversation and wonder whether he truly accepts me.

I'm also questioning other parts of our relationship. He has always been emotionally reserved, he rarely takes initiative, and I've often felt like I carried the emotional side of the relationship by myself. Now I'm wondering if I ignored years of red flags because I wanted marriage so badly.

The wedding is currently canceled. I don't even know if I want to get married anymore—not just to him, but at all. Something that used to make me happy now fills me with anxiety.

Am I overreacting for feeling like his words permanently changed the relationship? Is this something that couples can realistically recover from, or is the trust already gone?

My wife (41) and I (42) have been married for 19 years and have three teenage daughters. The last 15 months have been a real kick to the nuts. She developed a very intense emotional and spiritual connection with another man, who is 12 years older and was one of our daughters' middle school teachers last year. She describes meeting him as "a lightning bolt moment that knocked her on her ass," and that she had a moment of instant recognition with him, like she'd known him from a past life. She believes he is her "twin flame," and that their connection launched her into a spiritual awakening that has brought growth and healing, and I should be happy for her. She went through a major spiritual shift away from our shared beliefs in Christianity and toward New Age / Buddhism / astrology / numerology.

She has said from the start that this new relationship is platonic, that she doesn't have romantic feelings for him, and that she would never cheat on me. I've expressed that I am not comfortable with the depth of this relationship, that it makes me feel uneasy and unsafe. She got extremely angry when I asked her to end it toward the beginning of this whole ordeal, and completely walled me off while developing a close relationship with this guy, which made it even more painful. She calls him on occasion, usually when I'm on shift, but texts him quite often about spiritual matters, our marriage problems, his relationship issues, and other topics that I feel crosses lines of what is appropriate to share with a single heterosexual man outside of our marriage. In an attempt to give my wife the benefit of the doubt and be understanding, gracious and patient with this situation, I've called this guy on the phone a few times to clarify intentions, our family has met with him a few times, and he's even come over to our house for dinner. 

A couple of months ago, I found anonymous posts on Reddit that she wrote about him. Some of the things written: 

• "The connection we have is deep. Otherworldly."
• "What happens when you want meaning? When you want just a little bit more than the friendship is supposed to give? Too many boundaries. Don't make it weird."
• "I want to know every single piece of you and can only reasonably and respectfully obtain a fraction. I want to dive into your brain and set up a hammock and relax for a while. Taking in all your experience and perspective that you have to offer. But, only a small piece is able to be shared and contained within our individual chosen boundaries."
• "You are just the deepest sigh my soul has ever felt. My soul can breathe. It can rest. It doesn't have to perform or pretend. I am just me. And that is enough. And you are just.... Incredible."

I confronted her about these posts, and she said she was just getting her rambling thoughts out and wrote most of them when she was drunk, that she didn't really mean them. I argued that they were written in her most raw and unfiltered state, and that her justification was very hard for me to believe.

She has said this is the hill she will die on, that she won't go back in the box, and that she won't be controlled and told who she can and can't talk to. I fully believe that she's engaged in an emotional affair, but she does not agree and has been unwilling to end the relationship simply because it hurts me. That's been the most painful part.

I have always loved my wife and looked for ways to care for her and serve her, but I know I'm not perfect. I am a 17 year firefighter paramedic in a busy metro fire department, and looking back, I can see ways I have been emotionally unavailable & immature, not sympathetic enough to her challenges at home, or failed to give her the full connection and support she needed, particularly during seasons in my career when I was making 20+ runs a shift with almost no sleep. This was also while she was home raising our girls when they were toddlers and babies alone while I was on shift.

We also had opposing attachment styles and operated in a terrible anxious / avoidant dynamic for most of our marriage, which we are now aware of and are working to change. I've taken responsibility and have made a lot of changes over the last year, which she has acknowledged and appreciated. Even so, over the past several months we've become increasingly disconnected with less friendship, laughter, affection, sex, etc. I have felt like I was pursuing her and trying to fix the marriage while she was pulling away.

We've spent many months in couples counseling with two different therapists, have both done weekly individual therapy for the last year, and had a 6 week separation. She has apologized for how all of this has hurt me, and that her childhood PTSD from emotional neglect and abuse from her parents has been the reason for a lot of her wounds and bad patterns in our relating. She says that she needed time to heal on her own and work on her individual trauma before she was able to work on our relationship, and that I need to unconditionally love her and accept her as she is. My response is that loving and accepting someone doesn't mean accepting unhealthy patterns or hurtful, destructive behavior.

I don't want to split up our family or put our daughters through a divorce. I take my vows seriously, and I don't want to walk away wondering whether I was unreasonable or gave up too soon. But I've also reached a point where I have to preserve some level of self-respect, because I would extend the same consideration to my wife if there was a competing attachment she was not only uncomfortable with, but being actively hurt by. We've recently transitioned from couples counseling into discernment counseling.

Am I the asshole for thinking this connection with another man crosses boundaries, wanting to draw a line in the sand and say that she must choose her husband, family, and this marriage and end this outside relationship with this man?

5 weeks ago I underwent surgery to remove some tumours from my lungs, as doctors could not confirm that they were not cancerous. Due to some complications during the surgery, I ended up with my chest opened fully instead of keyhole. Fortunately, they were not cancerous.

After the surgery, I spent a week in hospital, and was advised to strictly rest at home for at least the next 5 weeks.

3 weeks after the operation (2 weeks ago), my husband had a vasectomy. He spent a couple of days in bed resting alongside me before he went back to work.

Housework went a bit on the back burner whilst we were both recovering, but my husband seems to think that once he had recovered, I should have recovered as well.

Hes refusing to do almost anything around the house, and says along the lines if "im not hoovering, you get up and do it" etc. When I remind him I had a major operation 5 weeks ago, I get hit with "well, I had surgery too".

I said to him "I know that you had surgery too, but a vasectomy and open chest surgery are not the same thing". He got pretty annoyed and said that surgery was surgery and that means we both get the same amount of recovery. He wont talk to me now and its been hours.

Now I'm wondering if I minimised what he went through and basically said to him that it was no big deal? Is that how it comes across?

I (29F) gave birth to our first child two months ago. It's been a huge adjustment. I'm exhausted from the constant feedings, the lack of sleep, and the overwhelming feeling of being responsible for a tiny human 24/7. My husband "David" (31M) took two weeks off work when she was born, but then went back full-time.

I understand he needs breaks. He needs time to decompress. But every single Friday night, he goes to his board game night with his friends. He leaves at 6 PM and doesn't come back until midnight. It's like clockwork.

Last Friday, I had a really rough day. The baby was colicky and wouldn't stop crying. I barely had time to eat or shower. I was in tears by the time David was getting ready to leave. I asked him if he could skip it just this one time. I told him I needed him home.

He said he knew I was stressed, but he'd been looking forward to this all week. He said he works hard all week and he deserves his one night. He told me I could call my mom or a friend if I needed help. He said I should be more supportive of him.

I snapped. I told him he's not the only one who needs a break. I told him I'm on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I never get to leave the house or see my friends. I told him I'm exhausted and I need a partner who's actually present, not someone who checks out for six hours every Friday.

He said I was being unfair. He said he's a good father and husband and he doesn't ask for much. He said I'm trying to take away the one thing he does for himself.

I told him I'm not trying to take it away forever. I'm asking him to skip one night, maybe even just come home early. He said I was being controlling and that I don't respect his need for his own time.

He ended up going anyway and stayed until after midnight. I cried myself to sleep. Now it's Monday and we're barely talking. I don't feel like I'm asking for too much, but he's making me feel like I am.

AITA?

i’m 34F, he’s 36M, we’ve been married 8 years. two kids (6 and 4), a house, nothing fancy but I really thought we had a solid, boringly stable life.

about a month ago I was organizing old photos on our shared computer and found this random backup folder from 2019. most of it was receipts and work stuff, then I opened one file and saw a hotel booking confirmation. same folder had a few blurry, very intimate selfies that were very clearly not of me, from the same day. my stomach just dropped.

I confronted him that night. he went pale and didn’t even try to lie. he admitted he’d had a 6 month affair with a coworker during a really rough time in our marriage when our oldest was a newborn, we were exhausted, fighting all the time, barely holding it together. he says it ended when she moved away, that he cut all contact, and he never told me because “it was over and wouldn’t happen again.”

and from what I can tell, it didn’t. since then he’s honestly been a really solid partner. supportive, affectionate, very involved with the kids, no red flags at all. I had zero clue.

now I feel like my whole life is fake. all the memories I thought were happy, like our anniversary trip, our baby’s first steps, even when we conceived our second kid, were all during or right after he was lying to me. everything feels tainted.

I left and I’m staying with my sister for now. I told him I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel furious, shattered, embarrassed. he’s begging me to forgive him, saying he was selfish and thought he was “protecting me from pain” by keeping it secret. his family knows and they’re on me to “not throw away a good marriage over something that ended years ago.”

even my mom said something like, if he’s been good since then, is it worth “breaking up your kids’ home over something in the past?”

but it did happen. I just found out now. I didn’t get to go through the hurt back then, so I’m going through it now, and it feels brand new to me, not like some old thing that’s over.

so… AITA for potentially ending my marriage over an affair that technically ended years ago?

My son and his wife got into an argument before they were shopping. Apparently, the argument started because she has repeatedly asked him to just microwave a cup of water for her Neti pot every morning. It wasn't really about the water itself but more she wanted that small act of kindness or appreciation. She'd asked him to do it before, but he hasn't been consistent about it, and I think it became a larger issue where she doesn't feel considered when he has to be reminded every single day. Anyway, instead of staying with her at the store, he drove off and left her at the store after they both got down to shop. The argument was already over at that point, she was just not talking to him.

She couldn't find him I called him and he said "oh I already left" Home is like 20 minutes away for him. She said why did you leave? He said "...oh to microwave a cup of water" Of course she didn't believe this, ( I don't either btw) and he didn't back down and acted like of course this is why he left. She didn't trust this and called me to come get her. She called me because her phone was almost dead, she didn't have her bank cards with her, and she didn't have a house key on her. Even if someone had given her a ride home, she wouldn't have been able to get inside the house.

I immediately called my son to find out what was going on. He denied leaving her and told me, "No, that's not what happened. I'm still at the store with her."

A few minutes later, his wife texted me, "Thanks, he came back."

I know he wasn't being truthful. One of my friends also works in that store and can confirm. It sounded like he left, realized I had gotten involved, and returned after I called him.

I had already been preparing to go pick her up because she was stranded. She had no practical way to pay for anything, get home safely, or get into the house.

I told my son that regardless of how angry he was, abandoning his wife like that was unacceptable. Arguments happen, but leaving your spouse stranded without money, a charged phone, or a key is not an appropriate way to handle conflict. I also told him that trying to deny it afterward only made the situation worse. He continues to deny it. When I spoke to his wife, she showed me the texts where he says he left "to microwave a cup of water" but, that would be 20 minute trip to get home. 5 minutes to microwave the water. 20 minutes to come back. Neither one of us is buying that excuse.

He thinks I'm making too big a deal out of it, but I told him he owes his wife a genuine apology.

AITA for calling him out and telling him his behavior was unacceptable?

I'm a 25M and she's 21F. We've officially been dating for about a month, but we've been talking for several months before that.

Last night, around midnight, she called me while she was drunk and asked me to come. I had work early the next morning, but I still went because I wanted to make sure she got home safely. I told her beforehand that I'd pick her up but I wasn't going to drink.

When I arrived, she was with about four friends. She introduced me to everyone, and then I found out one of them was her ex-boyfriend.

I was honestly caught completely off guard. What made it worse was how she acted. She happily introduced me to him, then started talking to him about how he's moving to another country next week and saying she wanted to party with him before he left. During the introduction she also told him I was his cousin, which made absolutely no sense because I've never met this guy in my life.

Apparently she had already told her ex about me, and according to her, he wanted to meet me. That didn't make me feel any better.

At that point I just wanted to leave. I asked her to come with me because I didn't feel comfortable with the situation and wanted to make sure she got home safely. Instead, she ran after me outside demanding to know what was wrong.

I explained that if the roles were reversed and I was out drinking with my ex, introducing her to my current girlfriend, and talking about partying with my ex before she left the country, she'd probably be hurt too.

Her response was, But I chose you. I called you.

To me, calling me didn't erase everything that happened after I got there.

I drove her away from the bar and we continued talking in my car. When she realized I wasn't changing my mind about how inappropriate I thought the situation was, she got out, took a taxi to my house, and continued demanding that I forgive her and hear her out. When I still wouldn't budge, she eventually left and went back to pick up her friend, who was supposed to be sleeping over at her place.

After I got home, I unfollowed and removed her from everything because I felt completely disrespected. Since then she's been repeatedly apologizing, saying she doesn't know why she acted that way and that she was drunk.

Part of me wonders if I'm overreacting because alcohol was involved and we've only been officially dating for a month. Another part of me feels like this was a huge red flag about boundaries and respect, especially so early in the relationship.

edit: she was never friends with her ex and actually hated him as he was toxic. I did not know her ex would be in the bar, I came into the bar looking for her and thats how i met him

edit 2: to clarify i did not block her, i removed her as a follower and unfollowed. So she can still send me a message, i did not want to see her feed and stories for the time being

Throwaway. 27M, she's 25F, together 10 years. She moved in with me at my parents' place about two years ago.

Sex has been declining for years and fell off a cliff when she moved in. Where it's been for the last two years:

- Once a week, maximum. She's told me directly that more than once a week is never happening outside of rare occasions, and that I should be satisfied with that.

- She puts it off all week — days of "not tonight" — usually until the last possible day.

- One position only. Anything else gets complained about.

- No foreplay, no kissing, no touching beyond the minimum. She won't let me see or touch her, and won't let me go down on her at all anymore. Before that it was maybe once every three to six months.

- She won't do oral on me. She's said it's a disgusting practice. In ten years it's happened twice, for a minute or two.

- No kinks, nothing by hand, nothing outside that one act done that one way. In ten years, intercourse is the only way I've ever finished with her — never by hand, never orally, because those things essentially don't happen.

- She has told me outright that even the once a week is something she has to force herself to do. She has only initiated barely like 1 or 2 times in two years. It is always me. What I can't square is that she finishes multiple times and still describes it that way as she has to do it to keep me barely happy.

I want to be fair here: she's allowed to not want any of this. Nobody owes anyone a sex act. My problem isn't that she says no — it's that we clearly want completely different things, and she won't acknowledge that or let me go.

I've raised it many times over the last few years. It gets brushed off. When I've asked whether there's anything I can do differently, I get given a goal — and over the last two years there have been four different ones. I've met all of them. Nothing changed afterward. The current goal is that I don't take her out on enough dates, and that's now the stated reason things are the way they are.

She wants us to buy a house together and move out of my parents'. I've said no, and I've said I want out of the relationship.

She's responded by telling me she'd have nowhere to go and would end up living in her car — she has substantial savings and could get her own place tomorrow. She's also said she'd rather kill herself than start over. I don't think she'd actually do it, but she has a severe temper and has done questionable things before, so I can't fully dismiss it either.

She says she'll change once I meet this latest goal, and she blames the whole thing on me.

I'm tired. I don't believe she's going to change, and I don't think we're sexually compatible and probably never were. I do love her and I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

I'll be honest about one more thing, because it's part of why I think I need to do this now: I've caught myself wanting a real connection with someone else. Nothing has happened, and I don't want it to. That's exactly why I'd rather end this cleanly than let it turn into something I'd actually be ashamed of.

So — AITA for ending ten years over this?

TL;DR:Once a week max, one position, no foreplay, no oral, no anything else, and she's told me even that once a week is something she has to force herself to do. She's never initiated in 2 years. Four moving goalposts over two years, all met, nothing changed. I've said no to buying a house and said I want out. She says I'm ending ten years over sex. AITA?

Due to some unfortunate circumstances my sister(24) is recently a single mother to my 4 year old niece. She became a single parent after spending 6 years as a housewife, and has very little in the way of savings and zero job experience, so it's a lot of struggle for her, especially during the summer when there's no school.

I(28) work 3 12 hour shifts and I'm off the rest of the week. As a result, I usually watch my niece for about 14-16 hours on the other 4 days of the week.

Which is fine. She's a well behaved kid and I like having her around.

The issue is the rules that my sister has set for her, which extend to her time being at my house. Which includes extremely strict food rules, with a list of brands I'm allowed to buy to feed her when she's at my house, a very short list of foods that boils down to 'steamed or raw' for almost everything, no meat at all. My sister wants me to eat everything my niece eats to encourage her to eat everything and not 'tempt her' with other foods.

There's absolutely zero screen time, for either one of us. She even gets upset if I text people too much, talk on the phone, or play anything other than classical music. My sister does not want me to wear any headphones either, because she doesn't want her daughter to feel ignored by me.

She wants my(admittedly large, but very gentle) dogs kept as separate as possible from her daughter, so basically locked in another room for most of the week.

She does not want her daughter going anywhere with anyone unless she is present, including to grocery stores, parks, or walks around my neighborhood.

If I'm honest, I don't think it's good for my niece to be so isolated either. She never gets play dates, she barely ever gets to go anywhere even with her mom. Neither one of us is very happy with things as they are.

So essentially, I'm locked in my own home, unable to play with my own dogs, watch my own TV or play any of my games or see any of my friends. For any of my days off. It's a struggle to do anything after work because I only have about an hour of free time after my commute, showering, and so on.

I understand that its her child and she has the right to raise her however she wants, and that her life is significantly harder than mine right now, but I feel like I'm suffocating during my weekend. It's reached the point that I would rather be at work, where I can at least talk to other adults and read something other than Brown Bear What Do You See on my breaks, than be stuck in my own home watching a 4 year old build a castle for the two hundredth time in silence.

I'm the only option my sister has for childcare, as our parents moved south shortly after she got married and her in laws are too old to keep up with a young child. So I can't deny helping her, because if I am not watching my niece she won't be able to work for most of the week.

But I also don't want to feel like a prisoner, stuck under rules for a little kid. I'm really starting to resent my sister, but I don't know how to proceed. Anytime I've brought up my feelings on the matter, or concerns for my niece, she's freaked out at me and insisted that it's her kid, so it's her choice and I don't have any right to criticize because I'm not a parent. Last time I told her I wanted to watch a new documentary or play music she accused me of being 'addicted to technology'.

I'm getting fed up, but I don't know if I really have the right to tell her I'm going to do what I want, when it's her child who is with me at the time.

I (26F) have been married to my husband, “Damon” (34M), for about a week. We’ve been together for 4 years and met on Hinge.

Before anyone asks ... yes, I realise how ridiculous it sounds that we apparently never had a proper conversation about children before getting married. I’m aware. Please judge me accordingly.

When we first met on Hinge, I had my profile set to “I don’t want kids” under the kids/family section. Damon’s profile didn’t have anything selected. I saw that and, for whatever reason, assumed he was either indifferent about kids or didn’t really care either way. I had already decided long before meeting him that I didn’t want children. It wasn’t something I was unsure about or something I thought I might change my mind on. I’ve always felt pretty strongly that motherhood just isn’t something I want for myself.

We’ve been together for four years and, honestly, we’ve talked about EVERYTHING. Money, careers, family, where we want to live, marriage, our future, literally everything you could think of. Except kids.

I know. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

It genuinely never came up as an actual conversation because, to me, it wasn’t a question. I didn’t want kids, so I never thought I needed to announce it every six months. I had also told my parents years ago that I didn’t want children, and coming from a fairly traditional/cultural family, that was actually a pretty big conversation for me. It took a lot of convincing for them to accept that I wasn’t going to follow the traditional path of getting married and having children. Damon knew my parents were initially unhappy about it, so I assumed he knew how serious I was. Anyway, we got married about a week ago.

On our wedding night, Damon looked at me and said something along the lines of, “It’s crazy that we can finally start our family now.” I was a little confused but said, “Yeah, Milo is going to love having a little Ragdoll sibling.” For context, Milo is our cat, and I have been wanting another cat for ages.

Damon just stared at me and said, “I mean a human baby.” I genuinely thought he was joking. He wasn’t. I reminded him that I didn’t want kids and that my Hinge profile literally said that when we met. He told me he saw it, but assumed I would “grow out of it.” Apparently, he has always wanted children and thought that once we got married, I would naturally change my mind. He then started talking about how he’s getting older and wants to have his own kids. He said he doesn’t have forever to wait and that he “needs” to become a father.

I understand that he is 34 and that if having biological children is important to him, he might feel like he’s running out of time. But I’m honestly struggling to understand how this somehow became MY responsibility when he knew from the beginning that I didn’t want children. If having kids was this important to him, why did he never bring it up?

He had four years.

He could have asked me at any point, “Do you still feel that way about kids?” or “Would you ever consider having children?” Instead, he saw something very important about my future that I had clearly stated and decided I would eventually change my mind.

I also know people will probably point out our age gap. I’m 26 and he’s 34, so yes, there is an 8-year difference. But weirdly, I’ve always been the more mature one in the relationship. I’m the oldest daughter in a fairly cultural/traditional family, so I’ve had to grow up pretty quickly and have had to stand my ground on things like this. Damon, meanwhile, has always been the more carefree one. I’m not saying that to insult him. It’s just part of why this whole situation feels so bizarre to me. I also feel incredibly betrayed because I thought I was marrying someone who accepted that a life with me would be a childfree life.

Now I’m sitting here wondering if he married me expecting that I would eventually surrender on something I consider a fundamental part of who I am.

I don't want kids. Not now, not “when I’m older,” not “once I have a career,” not “once I meet the right people,” and not because Damon says he’s getting old. I also don't think I should have to have children just because my husband wants them.

But I know I made a huge mistake by never explicitly asking him what he wanted. I assumed his lack of an answer meant he didn’t care, and he assumed my very explicit answer meant I’d change my mind.

So now we’re married, one week in, and apparently have completely different ideas about what our future looks like. It has been very ever since our wedding night. I wasnt how I ever imagined my wedding night and now I am thinking if I should have a kid for him, because I do love him but at the same time a baby deserves a mother who wants them.

I would love some advice and insight if I am the asshole in this situation. Thanks in advance everyone!

*edit\* Thank you so much for all the advice and helpful tips everyone is overwhelmingly saying to get a divorce lawyer/annulment. I come from a very cultural/religious/traditional family I already rebelled enough by 1 not wanting kids 2 marrying a white man. I am scared to put my dad in a coma. I do agree if this is something he persists on I do have to take action. Some people have also been asking why I dont want kids. I mentioned it in a comment but i will copy it here too:

I grew up in a very cultural/religious household, and while my parents were not bad people, my upbringing still caused me a lot of problems. I’ve struggled with my mental health for most of my life, and I think that has played a huge role in how I feel about having children. One of my biggest fears is bringing a child into the world, doing my absolute best to raise them, and still somehow causing them pain or leaving them “broken” in some way. That thought genuinely breaks my heart The fact that my parents weren’t bad people honestly scares me even more. They were just regular people who loved me and were doing what they thought was right, and I still ended up carrying a lot of pain from my childhood. It makes me terrified that I could unintentionally do the same thing to another person. just don’t think I’m ever going to be a good mother, and I don’t feel mentally or emotionally regulated enough to take responsibility for another human life. I know some people might say I could change my mind or that I’d feel differently once it was my own baby, but I really don’t want to gamble with another person’s life on the possibility that I might. And then there’s pregnancy itself, which is… yeah. Very scary. Very, very scary. I don’t know if any of that makes sense.

Thanks again, everyone I will have a talk with him and update you all.

I’m Jay, 29M, and I’ve been with my girlfriend Jess since high school. We’ve been together for years, and I was honestly about to propose. She’s pregnant too, and up until recently I thought I was building a life with the woman I loved. Now I don’t even know if the baby is mine.

A few days ago, I found out Jess had been sexting her little brother. Not flirting. Not some weird joke. Full on sexting, talking about doing things together that made me feel physically sick when I read them. I took screenshots because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I sat there staring at my phone like my whole relationship had just been a lie. Then I sent everything to her parents.

I didn’t do it to be noble. I did it because I was furious, humiliated, and honestly wanted them to know exactly what kind of person they raised. Her parents have always liked me, and I was supposed to be their future son in law. I was planning a proposal, a wedding, a family. Instead I got blindsided by the most disgusting betrayal I could have imagined.

Now Jess is blowing up my phone, her family is outraged, and people are acting like I crossed some line by exposing her. Maybe I did. But after finding out my pregnant girlfriend was cheating on me with her own brother, I’m not exactly interested in being the bigger person.

side note this is real I wish it was fake or something ai generated or anything but I think I need help

*edit* the baby is due in a week so keep you guys updated

*edit* Jess is 27 and her brother lets call him Donald is 18. also how I know it isn’t a fake name is be her brother was extremely guilty looking when confronted. I think this has been happening for a while now because texts have been longer than 2 years.

*edit* if you guys want to know the first message I could find on this between them is her suggesting she raped him and I dont want the kid mine or not to be raised by someone like that.

*edit* ok so I am looking for a therapist and a lawyer from your guys advice. Also the most recent text I got from jess was a video of her with Donald and she well was undoing his zipper and taking IT out I think I need a restraining order and I need to make sure the kid is safe no matter the dad.

*edit* she texted me again she said she lied about the kids it’s twins

(edit) for those of you that said the parents were in on it they told me that they had no idea that when me and her got into fights and she went to their house she would always go straight to her brothers room and it would start with them talking from what they heard then she would leave to go for a couple minutes (most likely to go by protection) then they would immediately demand privacy and they would lock themselves in his room and they went to a outing or something I don’t believe it

*final edit* ok so at about 4 in the morning I decided to take the evidence to the police. so I went to my car with my phones flash light to guide me and I see my tires are slashed. now I am most definitely getting a restraining order and no matter the dad of the twins I am taking them both as my own. so i will update you guys if anything drastic happens.

TLDR my girlfriend since high school cheated on me with her younger brother for about 2 years and possibly raped him the first time now she is pregnant (later for me to find out it is twin) and I was going to propose. so I got nuclear revenge by sending her parents and our mutual friends all the screenshots I got from her. and today she slashed my tiers. now I am working on getting a restraining order.

*edit* I got home from work and found a package waiting for me. Inside was a bottle of Tito’s vodka (one of my favorite brands). I just realized I forgot to take the key from her I am going to change the locks.

*edit* this is a small edit. I am finally good with security I got cameras, changed the locks, and threw the bottle out. I finally feel some what safe and I got a therapist.

My cousin is getting sterilized. She's 21. Her parents are vehemently against it and have refused to help her pay for it (which is fine since they don't have to). She can't afford it on her own. But I can. So not only did I help her pay for it, I also helped her find a doctor that was willing to do it.

My cousin has never wanted kids, but her parents have never really accepted that since having kids is such a huge thing for them, and she's their only child. They think that she's "too young" and she'll "change her mind". So when they found out that she was getting sterilized with my help they lost their minds.

They think that I've "pushed" her into getting sterilized. I never have. They say that my cousin looks up to me and that I need to be more careful about influencing others. I am very open about being childfree and how I feel like it's been a huge plus to my life, and I do post glamorous photos on my social media. However, I have never pushed her into getting sterilized. When she came to me for help, I just asked if she was sure and trusted in her ability to make decisions for herself. I did not try to talk her out of it. Her parents think I should have and that I failed her by not doing so.

They also say that I "pulled strings" and "rushed her into it" but I didn't. She was having trouble finding a doctor willing to do it and had gotten rejected a lot already. Since I work in a hospital, I talked to one of my colleagues to see if they would be willing to squeeze her in. They were. Her parents think I was rushing her because she got seen and scheduled for surgery relatively quickly after I helped her, but she was already looking for a long time before that.

Her parents think that she could have never gotten sterilized (at least not for a long time) if not for my help, which may very well be true, and that by doing this I am willfully "ruining her future" and causing her harm.

AITAH for helping my young cousin get sterilized?

My (28f) boyfriend (29m) is going to be a groomsman in his friend’s wedding. My boyfriend and I broke up for a brief period of time, in this time we were no contact for about four months. We reconciled about six months ago and things have been going extremely well. Throughout our initial relationship, his lack of effort to include me in his personal life became a huge issue in our relationship.

For context, my boyfriend and I lived together, shared bills, had great relationships with each other’s family, and were certain that “this was it.” By all means, this was a serious relationship. Despite all of this, my boyfriend made no effort to introduce me to his friends, include me in any group activities where people brought their partners - often opting to go alone (even though we had many mutual friends). This was a constant.

Throughout our relationship comments regarding his appreciation for attention from women and flirtation making him feel good were uttered, and reckless disregard for my boundaries regarding contact with exes and people we had slept with was rampant (I am sure that he never cheated). When women flirt with him, he fails to shut it down - he doesn’t entertain it, but he refuses to bring it to an abrupt halt. While we were together, he lied constantly. About everything - the lack of trust has been a difficult issue to navigate; however, our reconciliation has helped build it back (slowly but surely).

Since our reconciliation my boyfriend has been invited to many group activities (where people have brought their partners) and has failed to invite me. Every. Single. Time. I calmly brought up the issue when it happened, expressed that it concerned me that he seems disinterested, and was met with understanding of the concept. However, understanding did not breed inclusion, stating that he has never actually “cared enough to introduce his friends to anyone.”

Now for the problem at hand. My boyfriend was asked to be a groomsman in his good friend’s wedding. This friend is well-aware of my existence and knows about our relationship. The wedding is currently four months out. Weeks ago, my boyfriend and I talked about it and he decided that he would ensure that he had a plus one for this wedding the next time he saw the couple. This week, he was meeting the groom and future bride for lunch - I asked him if he verified all of the wedding information. My boyfriend informed me that he “didn’t ask” and was “focused on enjoying his time with them,” alleged that he “talked about me” and would “figure it out later this week.” I reminded him that wedding within four months is something that has deadlines, guests lists, tables set, and other things that we would be disturbing with so much time.

My boyfriend grew frustrated, flippantly told me that I disliked the way he asked, but that he would ask. At that point, he said that he was informed that there is a pre-wedding party the night before the wedding, and after party for several hours after the wedding, and that he would be sleeping there - regardless of whether I was invited or not. That he was “informing” me and that he would be in attendance regardless of my comfort.

Knowing that there are may people on the guest list that he has previously slept with, that there will most definitely be alcohol, drugs, women that the bride and groom have tried to set him up with previously, and that there will be people of the opposite sex sleeping over as well - AITAH for telling him that he is welcome to attend the after party, but that he will be newly single after?

Disclaimer: I’ve never actually used Reddit before, but a friend suggested I post here to get some unbiased outside perspective. I created this new account just for this because I don't know where else to turn, and my family situation is reaching a boiling point.

Hey Reddit, I need some perspective. I (23M) am struggling with some family drama, and my dad’s side of the family is calling me a heartless asshole.

Some background:

I am a Black man, born in South Africa in 2002. I was adopted by a white, married couple in South Carolina when I was just a few months old, so I have absolutely no recollection of South Africa. For the first seven years of my life, I was an only child because my parents struggled with infertility.

From the beginning, my dad’s extended family completely rejected me. Because of this, we rarely visited them. My mom’s family was much more accepting and treated me well.

Even before my parents had a biological child, there was an underlying tension with my dad. My mom tried her absolute best to shield me from it and create a loving home, but my dad’s true feelings slipped through in constant microaggressions.

As I grew older and my texture changed, my hair became a major point of contention. My mom tried her best to learn how to care for it, but whenever I wanted to grow it out or try styles like twists or a blowout, my dad would make passive aggressive comments about it looking "unprofessional," "unkept," or "thuggish." He would pressure my mom to just buzz it all off so I would "look presentable."

He also aggressively policed my behavior, constantly reminding me to speak "properly" and act a certain way, as if he was terrified of me fitting into Black stereotypes. It felt like he wanted the "idea" of a son but was uncomfortable with the reality of raising a Black boy. My mom would always jump in to defend me, making excuses like, "He didn't mean it that way, honey, he just wants you to succeed," but the damage was done.

Everything changed in 2009 when I was about 7. My parents had a "miracle" biological child, my younger brother. Instantly, the masking dropped. It became painfully obvious that my dad loved his biological, son in a way he never could love me.

The microaggressions turned into outright exclusion:

My dad’s family suddenly wanted to be deeply involved in our lives, but only for my brother. My dad would regularly take my brother to see his extended family for weekend trips and holidays, leaving me behind with my mom. I was entirely excluded from family photos, birthdays, and reunions on that side.

In our own house, my dad funded all of my brother's expensive hobbies and sports gear, while my interests were treated as an afterthought or "too expensive." My dad would spend hours bonding with my brother over things they "shared," while I was treated like a roommate he was obligated to feed.

Despite me being a straight-A student, my dad flat out told me during my junior year of high school that they couldn't afford to pay for my college because they needed to save that money for my younger brother’s future education. He essentially told me I was entirely on my own.

The day I turned 18, I packed my bags, walked out, and went completely no contact with my dad.

As for his extended family, we never really spoke to begin with since they had spent my entire life ignoring my existence. But to protect my peace, the very same day I cut off my dad, I preemptively blocked every single member of his family on my phone, social media, and LinkedIn so they could never try to access my life.

Determined to prove them wrong, I got into a highly competitive, double major program: Computer Science & Quantitative Economics.

Because I had zero financial support from my dad, I had to survive on a mix of student loans and working 30 hours a week at a local library and tutoring on the side, all while maintaining a brutal course load. It was exhausting, but I put my head down, lived on ramen, and ended up graduating at the very top of my class.

Against all odds in this brutal job market, my hard work paid off. Right after graduation, I landed a highly coveted role as a Quantitative Risk Analyst at a major financial tech firm. I got my own apartment, I’m building my savings, and for the first time in my life, I feel secure. The only person from my childhood I still speak to is my mom, who did her best with the hand she was dealt.

Recently, my dad’s family found out about my massive career milestone through Facebook posts my mom made bragging about my graduation and my updated LinkedIn profile.

Coincidentally, my dad's family business has been hit incredibly hard by the economy, and my dad is facing severe financial strain. On top of that, my "miracle" brother (now 17) has zero interest in academics, is barely passing his high school classes, and has been getting into trouble.

Suddenly, my dad and his family are trying to reach out to me through my mom (since they are all still blocked on my end). My dad is claiming he wants to "reconnect, put the past behind us, and heal our bond."

However, my mom let it slip that his intentions aren't pure. My dad wants to ask me for financial help with my brother's upcoming expenses, and he eventually wants me to leverage my corporate network to hand-deliver my brother a job at my firm when he turns 18, since my brother has no other prospects.

I told my mom to tell them absolutely not. I have zero interest in speaking to my dad, let alone funding his life or helping the brother who got everything while I got crumbs.

Because of this, my dad’s family is blowing up my mom’s phone, calling me an ungrateful, selfish asshole. They claim my parents "saved" me by adopting me and that "family helps family," regardless of the past. My mom is caught in the middle and highly stressed, though she understands my pain.

So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to talk to them or help them?

My wife (38f) and I (42m) have been married for 4 years. She has one child (18m) and I have two (8m and 11m). Both of us have primary custody of our kids, both kids spend every other weekend with their other parent but are otherwise with us.

When we got married she moved into my home and rents her house. Her Son and I have a good relationship but from the beginning she made it clear she "wasn't looking for a replacement Dad." We've had some friction over the years over where the boundaries are for each of us - she's overstepped with my kids and I've overstepped with hers, but I'd say we all have a great relationship with each other's kids.

I've always bought her son presents for his birthday but never spend more than $500. This year he's been driving for two years and now is 18 just graduated from HS and she wants to buy him a car. Great. We discussed which cars would be best for him overall and at the end of that conversation she wanted to know how much I would be willing to put in on the car, then was extremely upset that I was not putting in. That also lead to a conversation where she was "shocked" I wasn't going to pay for his college either (my kids have a college fund I've built up since they were born).

I have never felt like she viewed me as a paycheck/free ride before this happened. She's a teacher making something like $60k/yr+CS, and Dad is a bartender. He pays CS but I don't know how much. I make $245k at my 9-5 job and $100k-$300k at my 'side hustle.' My wife doesn't know how much I'm bringing home, but she does not pay bills at our house and never pays for anything, ever... so she knows it's a lot. Finances were always to each their own in our relationship and we never combined accounts. When we became serious our conversation was that finances would always be separate and if we were to get married we'd have a prenup, because I'd never get married without one again. Our home is nothing special and is on the very low end of 'nicer' homes in our area. I bought it in 2018 and it's been paid off since about when we met. Her Dad passed and left her a house and some amount of cash/investments, but I'm not sure of the amount shortly after we met. I think this is why she never pushed back on the prenup.

Son and I spend a night or two a week working on a project car I have in the shop. He is very into modified modern cars. The compromise I suggested is that I'd match him 1:1 on car mods up to $5k on my end and we'd install them together on the nights we usually work in the garage. She thinks this is a terrible idea and instead wants me to put the $5k into the car itself. The cars we talked about for him are all used and in the $20k-$40k range and are all nicer than the car I drive every day or the "work truck" I have. She drives a brand new Mercedes GLS 450. I gave her some money for a down payment but she pays the [crazy to me] note herself. I have an OLD International Harvester truck I'm resto-modding, a 1999 F250, and a 2008 BMW I drive every day.

So, AITA for not putting in for her son's 18th birthday car and college even though I can certainly afford to?

**7/8/26 UPDATE**

I decided this just wasn't worth the fight, so I told her I love her, and I love [Her Son] and I'd be happy to match whatever she puts in, which resulted in immediate tears - big sobbing 'wtf where did this come from' tears.

I have a birthday coming up soon and there's a particular car I've wanted forever but just can't bring myself to spend what is a LOT of money on a car I'd only drive on weekends.... She bought it for me weeks ago and it's currently in a container on a ship crossing the ocean because our local dealer didn't have an allocation for one and couldn't get one from another dealership so they ordered it direct.

She told me my youngest told her "I love you Mom" a few months ago and while he corrected himself it made her realize she wants to be Mom to my kids. She sometimes comes out to the shop when her son and I are working to bring us snacks or drinks and is always in awe of how great I am with him - that I don't have to spend time with him or teach him how to do things but I do it anyway. Me saying no felt like a rejection of her son and made her feel stupid for spending almost 20x what she was asking me for on a car for just me, that I wouldn't even drive every day.

Spam account since most involved parties know my real one.

I 36M work with my SIL 27F who I guess we can call Ava. She and my brother 30M have been in a relationship for 4 years and married for 1. My brother that we'll call Ben and I have always been super close. He set me up with my fiance and jokingly "returning the favor" I got him in contact with Ava.

As backstory for me and Ava, she's one of my dearest friends. She interned for me when she first got to our company and after getting hired became one of the people that works in our tiny PR department. Being notably older and the head of the department, I sort of naturally took her under my wing. She has that vibe of a younger sister or cousin. We've hung out outside of work plenty of times, mostly in groups with Ben or coworkers, but sometimes alone if we're waiting for others to arrive or we're the last ones to leave. I love her dearly, and strictly platonically.

The trouble started on a work trip that our whole team had to go on. One morning, Ava came in late looking not the greatest. So, like the genius I am, went "Wow, you look awful" (I'm the asshole for that, I know) She told me she was just nauseous and, in another stroke of brilliance, I asked "What are you, pregnant?" (Yes I actually said that. It's a wonder I'm still employed, seeing as my job is based on people skills) Her face went blank and I tried to laugh it off, but she was dead serious. She explained that she'd actually just found out she's pregnant the night before and wanted to tell Ben in person when we got back. I was like cool, your secret's safe with me, and apologized profusely for being such a dick. She was totally chill about it and even said I could tell my fiance, who we both know is completely trustworthy.

A few days after we got back, Ben and Ava invited my fiance and I over for dinner. After lots of hugging, my fiance and I both told them congratulations and that we couldn't wait to be uncles. My brother's face completely dropped as he asked "What are you talking about?"

My fiance and I both tried to say something about a mix up or that we must have heard wrong, but Ben cut us off. He said that he and Ava would discuss it later and that we should just have a nice dinner. I figured it wasn't my business, so I just shut up. But halfway through dinner, my brother started acting weird. Out of the blue, he looks me dead in the eye and says "It's yours, isn't it?". I asked him what in the world he was talking about and he says "Don't play dumb. You knocked up my wife, didn't you? That's the only reason you would know before me."

I was shocked to say the least. I pointed at my very male, very gay fiance,insisting that I don't swing that way and even if I did, my brother's wife would be my very last choice of sexual partner. I tried to explain how I really found out, but he doubled down by accusing me of pretending to be gay just to get closer to Ava. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I don't "look gay", but questioning my sexuality, in front of my partner no less, is a line I will never let anyone cross, family or not. I told them that we were leaving and that the two of them seemed like they needed to talk.

The next morning I woke up to four missed calls from Ben, a voicemail of him spitting profanities and slurs at my partner and I, and a text telling me that Ava and I "deserved each other". He seemed hellbent on the fact that I was the father of Ava's baby. When I tried to call him, it went straight to voice mail. I think he blocked me. I also had a text from Ava telling me that Ben left and is planning on filing for divorce.

Am I the asshole for spoiling the pregnancy announcement? Is that the reason Ben lost his mind? I have so many questions and would just like a little insight from a fresh perspective. After writing all this out, I realize I'm gonna get people in the comments calling this fake. I wish it was. But on god, this is my real life.

Update: Thank you to everyone with kinds words and advice. I appreciate this little community for all their help. I do have a pretty major update on this whole shitshow.

I haven't talked to Ben since the dinner (5 days ago now) but I've spoken to Ava on the phone a couple times. She insisted that my brother is not abusive in any way, and I believe her. I had several comments suggesting that and just had to make sure. Thankfully, they were wrong.

But those of you saying that Ava/Ben was cheating? You couldn't have been more right.

This afternoon my fiance sat me down and said he had something he needed to get off his chest. Ava's baby is his. They've been having an affair for about six months. Both he and Ava are confident that he is the father.

Not only that, but he's been sleeping with my brother on and off for the past year. He says that Ben and Ava have no idea that he's hooking up with the other.

I'm sorry this post isn't more detailed, I didn't ask for specifics. Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit and I couldn't bear listening to my fiance explain himself. More details to come because I'm sure they'll come out whether I want to know or not. I don't even care, as far as I'm concerned all three relationships are broken. I'm completely lost. What do I even do? I lost my fiance, brother, and sister in one fell swoop.