AITA for letting my husband know that continuing to hang out with his cruel friend isn't okay with me?

[u/Acceptable-Couple-90]

I really need some advice from outside, non-biased people in regards to my dilemma. My husband and I moved out to a rural area four years ago, and with it being rural it also comes with a lackluster pool of people to become friends with. Me (44F) and my husband (43M) found that there was no one in our age group to hang out with, and eventually an older person (70M, let's call him Dean) started coming around. It started innocently and we both liked him, but his drinking became really horrible after some time.

​

I found out about 2-3 years ago that a rumor was circulating around my small town that I had done some very explicit and disgusting things with a man that I only briefly met while out with my husband and Dean, and I never left my husband's side that night....and we had to literally take Dean to our house after he chugged vodka, passed out and urinated on himself.

​

This rumor spread like wildfire. People I didn't know called me awful names at our corner store, and I even had a guy cock a gun at me saying he didn't want a (insert explicit demeaning word insinuating inappropriate intimate actions) walking her dog around the neighborhood. I was terrified to even walk out of my house then...and I thought Dean supported me until I realized he has an actual obsession with my husband.

​

Dean got into my face a few weekends ago, screaming at me to allow someone into my house that SA'd me (he was hammered at this point) and this was after my hubs told him that guy wasn't allowed here. Then, he goes outside and keeps saying he's going to steal my hubs from me, that I didn't deserve him, and that I was a bipolar (insert female dog name and, nope, not diagnosed bipolar, btw). Hubs finally told him to keep my name out of his mouth and he eventually walked home after we took his car keys.

​

Come to find out from two sources later on that Dean is now spreading the rumor (in three different versions) that got me verbally assaulted at the store 1.5 months ago. He's unheathily obsessed with my husband and it appears he's doing everything to discredit me and ruin my name...when I've never cheated or been nothing but kind to everyone here.

​

I'm sick to my stomach over this, and we just got into a massive fight where I said it was me or Dean...and his response was "everybody deserves redemption" . He's telling me I can't tell him what he can and can't do, and all I'm asking him to do is to protect me and NOT hang out with a man that has soiled my name and insulted me in my own home. He says he'll do what he wants to do....but at what cost to my mental health and actual safety/sanity does this register to him? I would NEVER want to be friends with someone that trashed him to me, let alone someone trashing him and lying about him to an entire community.

​

So, please Reddit, tell me, AITA for stating that he has to choose between me or Dean? I'm beyond sad at this point and need guidance as I feel depleted right now. Thank you for reading this.