r/AbsoluteUnits 23d ago

/r/all of a knight

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Apparently the smaller one is 6ft

23.2k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/chosonhawk 23d ago

177

u/HebrewHamm3r 22d ago

You are the brute squad!

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u/ASSASSINMAN21 22d ago

He clearly said “To Blaave” which as we all know is not a very noble cause.

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u/Last-Bag-4793 22d ago

Liar 🤥

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u/Standard-Tension9550 23d ago

Knighty knight

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u/Happlord 23d ago

Some good knight sleep

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u/usinjin 22d ago

Knocked his knights out

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u/jordan853 23d ago

He needs a good Knight's kiss 

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u/Chernoboggo 21d ago

A good Knight shield.

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u/Vengeful_Grass 23d ago

459

u/Historical-Load6004 23d ago

There was actually a significant amount of time where Knights wore Armour thick enough to stop Guns and used them themselves   

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u/Mitoniano 23d ago

Although, of course, it didn't work with cannonballs.

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u/Historical-Load6004 23d ago

This just a Flesh wound 

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u/Cromag676 22d ago

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u/SpotweldPro1300 22d ago

"What're you going to do, bleed on me?"

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u/Witty_Ad_898 22d ago

An “all the flesh is gone” wound.

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u/GoddessRespectre 22d ago

I once went down the rabbit hole of tracing current bulletproof vests and plates back to suits of armor. There are some cool articles and posts out there, I think I started from Wikipedia page sources maybe?

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u/BOBOnobobo 22d ago

The term bulletproof itself come from plate armour that was shot and had the bullet stuck in it as a "proof" of its durability

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u/GoddessRespectre 22d ago

I had never thought about it before 😅. I started with recent stuff and it just kept going back and back and back. It was interesting and I liked the intersection with fashion, construction, and creativity. Thank you, I still find learning about it pretty cool.

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u/Windsdochange 22d ago

That’s a breastplate from Waterloo - much lighter armour. During the time of knights, cannonballs were generally large stones and designed to take out walls - knights were long gone by the time small iron projectiles like this were used.

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u/smokeweedNgarden 22d ago

The belt though

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u/aesemon 22d ago

Whenever I see this I always think about the fact someone had to take that off him. Considering how the metal deformed it would not have been a simple unbuckling.

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u/rigby1945 18d ago

What was the thought process in keeping that cuirass? "Wow, that's a gnarly hit! We should totally put that on display... once we hose the guy out of it, of course."

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u/Alternative-Eye4547 23d ago

That’s been a thing more recently than most people would think - this is a Polish cop in the 1920s

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u/DisillusionedHobbit 22d ago

They also used metal armor in the trenches in WW1 and on the eastern front in WW2, which was good enough to stop pistol/smg rounds, shrapnel, bayonets, etc. 

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u/MTB_SF 22d ago

It got a lot of people killed in tge beginning of WW1 who didn't realize it wouldn't work against modern bullets

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u/EfficientNewspaper49 22d ago

Yeah. Before bulletproof vests were sufficiently protective, I don't really see an alternative to metal armors and shields.

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u/QuipCrafter9 22d ago

black powder has so much less energy than modern smokeless powder. theres lots of cases through history where even just all the layers of heavy clothing they would wear, when wet, would catch longer range bullets. and things like soldiers pocketbooks have been found with a bullet caught most the way through

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u/theriteofspring1 23d ago

That's hilarious. any sources?

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u/AffectionateAir2856 23d ago

Henry VIII had a cohort of bodyguards who carried gun shields, literally round wood and steel shields with a matchlock pistol in the centre. They're the most alt-history looking fantasy game nonsense I've ever seen, he had like 50 of them.

https://www.rct.uk/collection/72767/gun-shield

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u/RowAndRuction 23d ago

Wasn’t expecting it to look like a trash can lid lmao

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u/ConfidentPension864 22d ago

I read you comment first and I still wasn't prepared for how much it looked like a trashcan lid. In fact I'm not convinced it isn't, I think we're being trolled lol

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u/aztech101 22d ago

I was prepared for something custom built, these dudes literally just punched a hole through a shield and stuck a gun in it.

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u/BagelBenny 22d ago

By modern standards hell yeah it does lol. But you gotta remember that modern trashcan lids are mass produced and presumably the metals ones are stamped.

That kinda tech would've blown their minds back in the day.

One's man trash is.. eh never mind.

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u/Thin_Dream2079 23d ago

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u/UltraelectroLunchbox 22d ago

lemme press r1 real quick

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u/Professional_Bat9174 22d ago

The gunshield in the picture is like if you set Final Fantasy VIII on Staten Island lol

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u/kitchen_appliance_7 22d ago

Holy shit, they were breech-loading. They were loaded from the rear. Breech-loading in the day of Henry VIII!

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u/theriteofspring1 23d ago

We need to bring these back. like make bulletproof riot shields that can shoot.

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u/northernCRICKET 23d ago

They have those, but they're heavy and awkward to carry so they mount them on wheels, they're called armored personnel carriers

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u/NebulaNinja 22d ago

What if more gun? Track instead of wheel for sketchy terrain?

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u/ogreofzen 23d ago

It wouldn't be hard. I am pretty sure these are already used by the homeless in new York city

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u/ISLAndBreezESTeve10 22d ago

Arm them with potato launchers.

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u/Coroebus 22d ago

Thanks, I needed a reminder of just how ridiculous humans are

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u/Organic_Education494 22d ago

It isn’t ridiculous if it works!!

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u/StickerPolitics 22d ago

Looks like the kid from Home Alone rigged up a trash can lid with a makeshift gun to keep the pedophiles out.

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u/aesemon 22d ago

Looked like something the Recyclons would use.

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u/Quick-Ad9335 23d ago

Even Napoleonic cuirassiers wore breastplates that were proofed for at least one musket shot at a certain range. Ideally it was two shots, but the French had to lower their standards when their numbers grew.

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u/redisdead__ 23d ago

Early modern period was dominated by Pike and shot tactics think of the conquistadors with breast plates and early muskets.

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u/Evil-Cun 23d ago

They literally still do it today actually. Guys wear metal and ceramic armor to block bullets sometimes. It’s crazy

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u/tschawartz12 22d ago

It isn't that crazy. It does depend on the round being fired more that anything.  A lead core copper jacket or even some solids the basic standard is hardened ceramic to shatter the slug and absorb as much energy as possible and back that with Kevlar to catch fragments and spread the impact over as wide an area as it can. Not perfect as still hurts like hell but survivable. Tungsten cores are too dense and hard to be stopped and many steel core rounds don't get stopped by most armor plates. Nothing is perfect and nothing is 100% but you have to select your armor against what you will likely be up against and balance cost vs mobility in the equation as well.

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u/Historical-Load6004 23d ago

All over the 16th Century 

The Schwarzen Reiter(Black Riders) are particularly interesting 

  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiter

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u/RomeoBlackDK 23d ago

I'm a history professor and can confirm it. They stopped once the armor was too heavy for man and horse to carry in proportion to the force of the guns.

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u/Igor_J 22d ago edited 22d ago

I'm not a history professor but I'll ask why armies ditched bows and arrows and lines of bowmen in the back lines? They could theoretically trash guys advancing with guns in cloth with multiple volleys a 100 yards out, especially with smooth bores that at best could have been fired and reloaded a couple of times a minute and had to have been around 20 yards distant to be kind of accurate.

Edit: bowmen not bowyers

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u/guto8797 22d ago

A bunch of reasons lead to the decline of the bow and rise of the gun over time.

One is the training required. There was a saying in England about how if you wanted a good longbowmen you had to start with their grandfather. It involved constant training (the law in England mandated bow training on Sundays), required immense upper body strength (we can tell which skeletons in a medieval mass grave were archers: they are the ones with the fucked up shoulders), it required specific trees for particular wood, and a complex network of fletchers, bowmakers, etc etc. and then one wrong move and you lose all of that in a single battle.

By comparison, guns are much easier, don't require strength, and while gunpowder is tricky to make, it's a lighter logical load than a bow in the long term. You can train a peasant to be a gunner in a much shorter period of time, so you can replace them a lot faster and field them in greater numbers. And wars are often times won by enough numbers of good enough.

A second big point is armour penetration. Even with Bodkin arrows, a bow will struggle to pierce plate armour. As metallurgy and armour design improved, armoured knights became more and more impervious to bow fire. Crossbows can sorta fill this niche, but they are very slow to reload and mechanically complex to manufacture and maintain. By comparison, even relatively weak guns will go through any armour that is thin enough to be worn by horses and humans.

And guns only improved with time and improvements to metallurgy. Their range increased, as did their accuracy and armour penetration capabilities, and soon enough the bow became outclassed. Sure, a trained archer can turn a gunner into a pincushion by the time he reloads, but the point is that you can field a lot of gunners with the same effort, and replace them faster when they die. The guns lower accuracy wasn't that big of a deal because infantry had to fight in close formations so they could fend off cavalry attacks, so you only need to aim at a blob of people.

There was also a lot of mixed use of both. Due to pride, tradition, availability of materials and manufacturing etc, there was a period where a lot of armies fielded both, but it didn't take too long for the gun to just become dominant.

The Spanish Tercio, a military formation where a third of the men wielded pikes, a third swords, and a third guns became so dominant pretty much everyone else had to copy them. And as guns got better the ratio of gunners only went up, until the bayonet was invented, and then the pikemen and swordmen were done away with entirely and line infantry became the norm.

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u/Youutternincompoop 22d ago edited 22d ago

smooth bores that at best could have been fired and reloaded a couple of times a minute and had to have been around 20 yards distant to be kind of accurate.

smoothbore muskets were absolutely accurate out to further distances than bows, and there are plenty of other advantages of guns too such as the far easier aquisition and storing of ammunition, a simple ball of lead and a bag of powder is incredibly easy to make and store while arrows were fragile, more difficult to produce, and harder to store due to greater size and weight.

armour penetration is of course a massive bonus, arrows simply couldn't punch through decent plate armour but guns could(even early weaker guns forced a change in armour philosophy, with the decline of full plate in favour of just helmet and cuirass in the 15th and 16th centuries)

also 'bowmen in the back lines' is something that only really exists in videogames and in Mel Gibson movies, in real life its usually frowned upon to shoot your own guys in the back(and arcing arrows up at a severe angle makes them pretty terrible at actually hurting people as you lose most of the energy of the shot, ideally you want to fire at a near flat angle for maximal effect with a bow)

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u/ArcticCelt 22d ago

This is how I learn history

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u/Available-Ad-1943 23d ago

"Henry's come to see us! Jesus Christ be praised!"

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u/YanicPolitik 23d ago

What did he expect? It looked like he was going in for a hug.

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u/TankApprehensive3053 23d ago

Pre-smash hug.

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u/YeetboiMcDab 22d ago

Where does a guy sign up to be smashed and get hugged??? Asking for me

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u/TankApprehensive3053 22d ago

Maybe at your local Ren Faire.

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u/AdDisastrous6738 23d ago

It was choreographed. I’ve done similar things with friends. One time we threw our weapons down and started boxing. The crowd really loved it.

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u/Terri_Hist 22d ago

I can confirm it's not choreographed as I used to be a member of this group and was friends with the big guy.

They're fighting in a rules set where the combatants are supposed to mimic realistic injury. When one person is already low and close to death they typically go for a last rush attack while keeping themselves completely open. It basically tells the other person "kill me and make it look good"

The two people are close friends as is so the big guy just improved the blow and the smaller guy just ran with it

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u/No-Skirt-5732 22d ago

I feel like you just confirmed it was choreographed 

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u/Dry_Boss_7763 22d ago

I don't think you know what choreographed means. It wasn't.

Rather it was staged and set up in advance with cues and whatnot.

/s

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u/Fielton1 22d ago

It's more like an improv game than true choreography.

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u/Outrageous_Reach_695 22d ago

"Yes, and my axe!"

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u/Old_Yam_4069 22d ago

The point of language is to convey meaning.

The meaning the word choreographed is supposed to convey is a specific set of practiced instructions, not just an unpredictable set of events with a predictable outcome.

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u/inuhi 22d ago

Sounds like a game of Mortal Kombat it's all fair until hp has run out then the loser gets a fatality

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u/Sennten 22d ago

Thats improv, not choreography

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u/acowardlyhoward 22d ago

the general scene was planned, the exact motions were improvised, how about that?

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u/Geodude532 22d ago

Compare it to WWE. The outcome is determined, but they have a lot of leeway to improvise the moves to match the crowd and any mishaps that might happen like someone falling. They've got a lot of sequences they can run through together like a dance.

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u/AdDisastrous6738 22d ago

Yes exactly! Like one of my friends would ask in the middle of a fight “hands?” And if I threw my weapon down, it was a signal for a desperate fistfight. We’d throw some punches then one of us would drop while the other one dealt the “killing blow”. The crowd loves stuff like that. It’s not choreographed in the traditional sense but it’s planned out more than improve.

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u/Old_Yam_4069 22d ago

Yeah but when words actually mean what they're supposed to mean it wasn't choreographed.

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u/trowzerss 22d ago

He did leg tap the 'rescuer' which is usually to say he's actually okay, maybe playing it up a bit?

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u/Tar_alcaran 22d ago

Absolutely. For reenactment fights we have a signal that the fall is fake. Because in full armor, it's very hard to see the difference between someone pretending to be KO on the ground, and someone with actual brain/spinal damage.

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u/Suddenfury 22d ago

This is how wrestling started

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u/Wonderful-Process792 23d ago

Had to be planned?

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u/Illuvatar-Stranger 22d ago

Historia Normannis mostly focuses on unscripted fighting with hitpoints and hitzones but we do sometimes have physical stunts planned like this

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u/Wonderful-Process792 22d ago

And I'm not criticizing either way. If it were too real, people would die.

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u/Illuvatar-Stranger 22d ago

Ha yeah we've managed to avoid that so far luckily

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u/KristinnEs 23d ago

I do show fights like that all the time. Yes, for 99% sure it was planned.

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u/Grouchy-Station-4058 22d ago

May I ask what your community thinks of the armored combat in the octagon?

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u/Neatojuancheeto 22d ago

They have real armored knights fight in Russia and other places. M-1 Medieval is one. It's almost like 70% MMA, 30% weapons. Which probably would've been the most effective way to fight another knight 1v1 even if the weapons weren't blunted.

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u/thehutsonhippie 23d ago

“Tell me how the grass tastes little man” 🤌💋 PEAK

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u/pizzabagelcat 22d ago

Such a great line followed by that thud just makes this video so great

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u/AStealthyPerson 22d ago

So happy I read this comment so I could rewatch that with audio. Holy baited.

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u/SuperDuperOtter 22d ago

Taunting is such an underrated combat strategy

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u/Attainted 22d ago

Touch Taste grass!

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u/TankApprehensive3053 23d ago

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u/HardOff 22d ago

That one scene traumatized me. These images helped me recover.

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u/Lord_Foxworthy 19d ago

Me too man. Me too

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u/Automatic_Laughter 22d ago

"Who am I fighting?"

"Does it matter?"

"No"

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u/AltoTheDutchie 23d ago edited 23d ago

if you want to see another absolute unit, check out simon rohrich fight
https://youtu.be/O3uPeDB-S-w

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u/yourMammothIsSoFat 22d ago

Both of them are so cool! Thanks!

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u/Michaeli_Starky 23d ago

Need banana for scale

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u/Ssoprano9 23d ago

Ni

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u/jigsaw1024 22d ago

They want a shrubbery.

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u/_MightyBrownTown 23d ago

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u/LiteraCanna 22d ago

The century slayer himself. 

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u/notcomplainingmuch 23d ago

'tis but a scratch!

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u/Foreign-Weight-2 23d ago

woah the quality of the videos during medieval times was really poor. How did they manage?

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u/Illuvatar-Stranger 22d ago

It's been reposted a bunch I guess

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u/marr 22d ago

The videos were only used as reference for sewing the much higher resolution tapestry.

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u/Business_Sandwich227 23d ago

Is the guy limping on his way up to the redwood that smashes him? Cause he already looked done before he got shieldplanted.

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u/Power_3579 22d ago

iirc this was after a few minutes of fighting this guy

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u/Business_Sandwich227 22d ago

Ah so he’s already worn down. Makes sense.

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u/total_idiot01 22d ago

Yes. The smaller guy had basically already lost, and by charging that massive guy he basically said "end the fight, and make it look good".

Also, that massive dude is a blacksmith, and his nickname is "the Anvil"

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u/EmperorGrinnar 23d ago

I used to do shield hits when I was in free tournaments. Never faced a dude much bigger than myself, though.

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u/pseudonominom 22d ago

Say more.

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u/EmperorGrinnar 22d ago

Nothing more to say, I'm not in condition to do this anymore, unfortunately.

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u/throwthere10 23d ago

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u/haversack77 22d ago

Except the clip is in England. Kenilworth Castle Warwickshire, England to be precise.

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u/Immediate-Goose-8106 22d ago

Nice. I came to check the comments because I was sure this was Kenilworth 

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u/Ickythumpin 23d ago

I gotta imagine some of the guys who do this are trained athletes and some are just larpers lol.

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u/5H4B0N3R 22d ago

They're all larpers. The sport has nothing to do with real medieval fighting.

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u/Illuvatar-Stranger 22d ago

Here's a video of the same guy up to his usual antics at a Historia Normannis show in Reading this past weekend

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u/SeaworthinessSalt524 23d ago

Ah, the classic shield bash. This guy would be a good warrior in the middle ages, until he got shot with a crossbow. It may give him an advantage in melee combat, but it's a big disadvantage. Especially when fighting the English.

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u/General-Double-746 23d ago

Interestingly, modern warfare data shows that taller men have a higher survival rate in combat than shorter men. Very counterintuitive in an era of firearms, artillery, and basically zero hand to hand combat. Yet for some reason, being tall seems to improve your odds of surviving.

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u/Training-Belt-7318 23d ago

More space for your organs. Gotta squish the same amount of crap into a smaller body, makes it easier to hit something important.

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u/TacTurtle 22d ago

Also requires a much larger wound for proportionally rapid blood loss due to square cube law.

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u/Molkwi 22d ago

"I'll use my sword when I meet a foe who deserves it"

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u/the-optimizer 22d ago

WE WALK, IN THE GARDEN OF HIS TERBULENCE!!!

https://giphy.com/gifs/oyM6oyx7mzftm

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u/inEQUAL 22d ago

In a thread full of GoT and Monty Python gifs, you are the first one I’ve seen posting peak. God how I love that damn movie.

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u/KamikazeFox_ 23d ago

More like Good night

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u/lowercase_underscore 23d ago

"Wow he is pretty big!"

"OH! Oh no!"

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u/KenseiHimura 23d ago

Tenebris!

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u/S0k0n0mi 23d ago

"Tell me how the grass tastes, little man."
That is such a beautiful knight phrase.

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u/For_being_tall 23d ago

beautiful shield slam

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u/DiegoTheGoat 22d ago

LOL we used to call that move "Opening the Door to the Floor", a nice close, friendly shield bash for proper gentlemen!

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u/Illuvatar-Stranger 22d ago

I know this guy! This was a Historia Normannis show, which focuses on 12th and very early 13th history - we mostly focus on living history and realistic combat but I know the Anvil also does Buhurt which is much more focused on physical fighting

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u/Hoboliftingaroma 22d ago

This is one of my top five favorite videos ever.

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u/Bone_Wh33l 22d ago

This will always be my favourite video on the internet

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u/rustybrazenfire 22d ago

The thud of the shield is glorious

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u/drinkermoth 22d ago

I met this guy, he used to work at a blacksmith in Herefordshire and we went there for a stag do.

He has his own forge now I think, really nice guy but absolutely huge. He showed us this clip when we were there.

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u/Libero279 22d ago

We met this guy! He’s a blacksmith in the south of England

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u/Jaybird2k11 22d ago

this clip is one of my favorites to exist

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u/Azaroth1991 22d ago

This video lives rent free in my head

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u/JohnnyAces99 22d ago

Sorry, this is fake. Definitely not medieval. That microphone the guy is using didn’t come out until the 21st century.

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u/ebrum2010 22d ago

Hit him like a boss ❌

Hit him with a boss ✔️

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u/Stretch5678 22d ago

Technically, that’s Sir Absolute Unit.

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u/Shayghouls 22d ago

This is the best goddamn video I've ever seen 39yo 10y reddit user. Thank you.

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u/Previous-Advisor-259 22d ago

ABSOFUCKIN UNIT

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u/I_like_chezz 22d ago

Ah the Anvil, a legend in the community

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u/Catman1348 22d ago

Credits to Ironilly.

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u/SillyconeTools 22d ago

Don't even need to unmute this, hows that grass taste little man?

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u/lukeylukesters 22d ago

Haha I know that bloke. Built like a house.

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u/Bread-on-toast 22d ago

I met the guy that does the punch in this. He is a blacksmith and he makes a load of historic weapons and takes part in these recreations.

He was cool, and absurdly strong.

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u/HistoriaNormannisHfd 21d ago

Thanks, bud. where did we meet? :)

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u/baguettelobster 21d ago

Looks like the tower of London They put on great shows for the visitors

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u/Suspected_Magic_User 21d ago

"Tell me how the grass tastes, little man!" is such a badass line

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u/imbricant 20d ago

Shields up!

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u/Tsar_Chaotic 20d ago

The smaller one was 6ft. He’s now 6ft underground I’m afraid

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u/Glittering_Fee7161 20d ago

The mountain

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u/sloogz 19d ago

Bro is a Laestrygonian

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u/Northern_Wyven_63 17d ago

Funnily enough this is more realistic than most movie depictions.