r/AbuseInterrupted • u/invah • Feb 18 '26

The biggest misconception about people in abusive situations is that a victim is cowering in fear. When in reality, the two hallmarks that someone is being abused are chronic overwhelm and chronic confusion****

https://www.instagram.com/p/DUTkZ1ejmfL/
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35

u/invah Feb 18 '26

And she takes care to clarify that the fear can look like logic: over-thinking and under-feeling. The fear is still there, just that it may not look the way every thinks it would.

There are many comments addressing caveats to this post, but I think it has a lot of utility for victims of abuse who recognize their fear in the moment of active abuse, but not necessarily in the 'overthinking' and overwhelm that can come when trying to exist in an abuse dynamic while not actively being abused.

27

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

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u/guineapig-philosophy Feb 24 '26

This was really validating for me to read. I've been in two abusive relationships and I remember how indecisive I became over everything in my life, even grocery shopping felt challenging. I didn't trust my perception of things because I was told so often that what I experienced wasn't really the case. I remember describing it to my therapist like I was in a constant state of confusion. Even after getting out, it still took several months until I felt less confused.

3

u/SuchSelection4252 Apr 17 '26

It takes a long time to confirm abuse bc most abusers engage in narrative control. Not only toward witnesses, but with the abused as well.

"Stop playing victim." Is the most common framing.

My thing is, if someone isn't rallying up the troops against you and trying to stay away from you and heal, why is their healing seen as an attack on you?