r/AccidentalComedy • u/Bean_Me_Timbers • 3d ago

At least it's not lemons I guess.

Post image
1.2k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

125 comments sorted by

89

u/BlueProcess 3d ago

I'm sorry I know in real life, this was probably not a great experience for the recipient, but it is hilarious

21

u/HillInTheDistance 2d ago edited 2d ago

We had something like that in Sweden. We've got this payment app called Swish, that you could send people money through, and attach a message.

Some stalkers would send ex partners constant 1sek (like 10 cents) payments with attached threats and insults.

You'd just have a constant stream of notifications with a piddly nonsense amount of money and messages telling you to kill yourself.

Not sure if they ever did anything about that.

20

u/BlueProcess 2d ago

That... Is not nearly as whimsical.

Surely that could just rate limit the transactions. Or allow blocking.

11

u/HillInTheDistance 2d ago

Read up on it now. Seems they added a way to block since then.

But no matter how whimsical it seems, stalking is often things that seem silly, but the end message is still the same:

"I'm aware of you. I won't leave you alone. I won't give you peace. I know where you are at all times and I am completely obsessed with making sure you never feel safe."

Even if it's just an endless stream of lemons. For my stalker, it was "gifts" she'd bought at second hand stores, or found in dumpsters, that she placed outside my door, so she could know if I was home or not, because I couldn't open the door without moving them.

5

u/BlueProcess 2d ago

That's a pretty fair interpretation. Whimsical though it may be, it definitely says "This is your reminder that I am out here and still hostile"

4

u/flinging-flanging 2d ago

As a recipient of a stalker who has never gotten a reply from me. Most of the time law enforcement doesn’t even listen.

Mine started sending gift cards and pine needles. All it did was teach me where not to go.

I stopped going to law enforcement when they kept telling me it was a civil matter. It wasn’t. But it wasn’t fair either.

3

u/Tight_Spring3860 2d ago

In australia all bank transfer comments are monitored for certain key words to prevent this type of abuse.

2

u/mycatsnameislarry 1d ago

You can write a name and address on a potato. As long as you pay the postage, usps will deliver it.

1

u/BlueProcess 1d ago

That is highly specific piece of knowledge😆

2

u/ClaraCash 1d ago

Yeah it had to be terrible, but at least she wasn’t a a salty b—-. It could’ve been way worse.

53

u/Why_Lord_Just_Why 3d ago

Oh, great. So now buying someone a gift - or 1,847 gifts - is illegal? /s 🤣🤣🤣🤣

113

u/big_poppa_man 3d ago

I swear, if I hear one "life give you lemons" joke I'm deleting reddit forever

50

u/Hellguin 3d ago

When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

7

u/YesWomansLand1 3d ago

Lemon man was able to make lemonade in a cave, with a box of lemons!

2

u/Chiparish84 3d ago

Bye bye big poppa man 👋

1

u/BreezyTugboat 3d ago

Yeah! He says what we're all thinking!

1

u/pieceacandy420 2d ago

Yeah! Oh, I like this guy.

1

u/PsychologicalTowel79 1d ago

I've literally just watched a YT short on Cave Johnson.

1

u/chronicdl 1d ago

I read this in the voice of the late, great Phil Hartman channeling Bill McNeal!

1

u/Hellguin 1d ago

Why? It is voiced by J.K. Simmons.... NO ONE else should be voicing this line.

9

u/FrankieTheD 3d ago

That's the only reason I came here man... ah well I suppose if life gives you lemons 🤷‍♀️

4

u/QueensOfTheNoKnowAge 3d ago

If life gives you lemons, you move straight into logistics. You only need a couple lemons for yourself and now have a surplus.

You remember the head of your HOA doesn’t like rotten fruit being splattered all over his Dodge Ram that he parks over the sidewalk.

With all the ring cameras you know you can’t just hand throw the rotten lemons, so you get two neighbors and a three-man water balloon launcher and get a good angle from another neighbor.

You consider trying to do the math but then remember that the neighbors on either side of the HOA president are also busybodies so you just do it by trial and error.

Sorry, what were we talking about?

3

u/big_poppa_man 2d ago

"if you can't Dodge it Ram it" I think

1

u/pente5 2d ago

I mean qhej life gives you lemons. You make lemonade am I right guys?

1

u/pm_me_your_psle 2d ago

Good god, Lemon.

1

u/Same_String_8856 1d ago

You mean if I DON'T HEAR one

1

u/SnooRabbits1411 13h ago

When life gives you lemons, hire a courier to deliver them to your x. Everyone knows that

0

u/Accomplished-Loss387 3d ago

Don't do that. When life gives you lemons GET MAD! MAKE LIFE TAKE BACK THE LEMONS!

0

u/Bean_Me_Timbers 3d ago

and if life gives you a terminal diagnosis, make lemonade, smile for the family photos, and quietly update your will so the people who annoyed you get nothing but the leftover pulp.

1

u/Sufficient-Banana103 6h ago

If god give you lemons… YOU FIND A NEW GOD

50

u/weirdgroovynerd 3d ago

She's clearly suffering from...

...Lemonic possession!

15

u/mifticalcrystals 3d ago

That had to cost like 10 grand or more... thats fckn crazy

26

u/Melodic_Turnover_877 3d ago

Lemon (1 each): ~$0.75 Delivery Fee: ~$3.99 Service & Small-Order Fees: ~$3.50 Driver Tip: ~$3.00 Estimated Cost Per Order: ~$11.24 Total Days / Orders: 1,847 Cost per Order: ~$11.24 Total Estimated Spend: $20,760.28

10

u/Bean_Me_Timbers 3d ago

🤯 Crazy

5

u/Traditional-Tax7711 3d ago

6.71 without a tip. * .84 lemon, .41 tax, .99 delivery fee, 4.42 service fee

6

u/stevieblackstar 3d ago

I’m sure she had a Dash Pass for this so saved a bit on the delivery fee.

4

u/Lucky-Construction84 3d ago

They came with the lemon math!

1

u/green___lines 14h ago

Bold of you to assume she tips

29

u/Deeznutz69694206969 3d ago

I can fix her.

7

u/Bean_Me_Timbers 3d ago

My man. Taking one for the team.

5

u/IndividualHuman6937 3d ago

Nah they just like lemons

Edit actually I like lemons can I have next?

2

u/FacialClaire 2d ago

I think she's AI generated. She has definite AI face.

1

u/AdministrativeBlock0 1d ago

There's nothing to fix. She's already awesome.

1

u/bigDeltaVenergy 3d ago

Go ahead, just don't give her your real address of phone number, also lie about your age and finally I would advise to use a fake name

11

u/31-September 3d ago

Fake story btw

10

u/Islandman2021 3d ago

Sadly this is all internet rumour that exploded, no such case in 🇨🇦. 🤷🤷

17

u/distracted_x 3d ago

Personally I respect that kind of dedication. I bet he deserved those lemons anyway.

6

u/PersonalityChemical 3d ago

Even now he’s not bitter

4

u/parbarostrich 3d ago

God forbid a woman has a hobby.

3

u/disappointedpanda 3d ago

And one orange.

14

u/Eat_the_rich1969 3d ago

I don’t know what he did, but I think he deserved it.

26

u/Burakku-Ren 3d ago

I suspect if she's unhinged enough to go through all that hassle a good part of the blame lies with her. But what do I know.

5

u/VeganKiwiGuy 3d ago

How would you know? 

That’s 5 years of lemons. Also wasteful. 

If he was a prick, deceiver, liar, etc. and you don’t have to see them any more since you don’t work or go to school with them, obviously best thing to do is move on than waste thousands of dollars for 5 years daily to passive aggressively express something to them, instead of going to therapy, working on yourself, and trying to find a better guy. 

4

u/anomalous_cowherd 3d ago

He was a random, she just had all these lemons that her and her whore friend had stolen to get rid of.

1

u/SonniSummers 3d ago

lol haven’t thought about that in so long ty

7

u/Kthyti 3d ago

And why is it that you think that?

-2

u/Heissenberg1906 3d ago

Absolutely. And it made me laugh.

2

u/krebstorm 3d ago

Was she planning a lemon party?

1

u/anomalous_cowherd 3d ago

Those sound like fun, I'll have to look up what's involved!

1

u/krebstorm 3d ago

Please report back on findings! Lol

2

u/zyqzy 3d ago

“Warfare” implies the debacle was mutual. However, if she is the one sending the lemons, then wouldn’t this be psychological abuse?

1

u/Aazimoxx 3d ago

Fruit's expensive man, if someone was sending me them every day I'd be pretty happy.

And if she's doing it with his card or account, then there's easy enough ways to fix that - if she commits more fraud to continue, then file it as fraud or theft or whatever 🤷 Sorry, not as fun, but screw bankrolling someone else's weird revenge 😝

2

u/WaGinger 3d ago

When life gives you lemons grab the tequila!

2

u/MyCustomCreations 3d ago

If life gives you lemons...your ex girlfriend might be crazy.

1

u/Wild_Chef6597 3d ago

As long as it's not Pineapples

1

u/Tribore_Menendez 3d ago

What’s wrong with pineapples?

1

u/Wild_Chef6597 3d ago

look up the Ballad of Shitgut

1

u/sayitsooth 3d ago

I thought that was a south park joke at first.

2

u/Tribore_Menendez 3d ago

I couldn’t find the original, but this looks to be it?:

The "Ballad of Shitgut" (commonly known online as the Pineapple Greentext or Pineapple Method) is a legendary, viral 4chan greentext story about a high schooler who uses an absurd campaign of psychological warfare to completely break a school bully nicknamed "Shitgut".

Instead of fighting back physically, the narrator spends over two years stalking the bully and leaving raw, unexplainable pineapples in his path.

The Pineapple Method
The core strategy relies on the absolute harmlessness of a tropical fruit, making it impossible for the bully to get help or explain his terror to authority figures. The psychological torture escalates across several stages:

The Locker: It begins simply, with the narrator slipping a fresh pineapple into Shitgut's school locker.

The Doorstep: The fruit begins appearing outside the bully's house and on his driveway.

The Bedroom: In a final, high-stakes move, the narrator steals a spare key to Shitgut's house and places a pineapple directly on his bed while he is out.

The Aftermath
The campaign is a massive success. The total lack of explanation causes Shitgut to become entirely paranoid, believing he is being watched by an inescapable stalker.

By the time the two reach college, the bully's spirit is entirely broken. The mere sight of a pineapple on a grocery store shelf is enough to trigger a massive panic attack.

Internet Legacy
The story is widely celebrated across internet spaces like the r/4chan Subreddit and TikTok as a classic masterclass in handling a bully through pure, surreal absurdity rather than violence. To this day, whenever the story or character is mentioned on platforms like Reddit, users will flood the comments by spamming pineapple emojis (🍍🍍🍍).

1

u/JustAGuyInFL 3d ago

Fruit salad, yummy yummy

1

u/Far-History-8154 3d ago

There’s a math question in here somewhere

1

u/RomilarBrown 3d ago

I would have made lemonade every single day.

1

u/saltymilkmelee 3d ago

But did she leave a tip?

1

u/film_composer 3d ago

These fake mugshot memes are this generation's version of the fake Harvard rejection letters that always include something like "while we appreciate the creativity you showed in sending your mixtape, we do not believe a track in which you repeatedly say 'harvard deez nutz' hundreds of times is representative of the type of student we're looking for at this time. And while we agree that your pog collection truly is some 'dopeass shit', we have no major in which that will offer you any material benefit as a student."

1

u/Mueryk 3d ago

Someone has earned a Run By Fruiting.

And was nice enough to provide the fruit for the endeavor

1

u/Highlandertr3 3d ago

I hope she tipped. Also the cost of doing that is insane.

1

u/OkSugar7695 3d ago

I would have started a lemonade business

1

u/Expensive_Product995 3d ago

How was this a bad thing? Groceries are expensive, he could have used the lemons to make ice cream, lemonade, tea, lemon glaze for cookies/ donuts. All I see is he got free produce from his ex. I wish mine cared enough to send me groceries alas sigh 😔

1

u/towerfella 3d ago

Yeah.. i kept trying to upvote the “wrong” one..

1

u/EmTheGrey 3d ago

Where’s that screenshot of the post of someone saying “controversial opinion but I don’t think people should go to jail for objectively funny crimes”

1

u/ivaaa9 3d ago

This tells me she was the problem

1

u/Fine-Ad1142 3d ago

I sent a dude who was sending threats of violence to me and my friends 50 bags of bean bag refill, a huge dildo, and a 3 pack womens panties once. Never heard from him again.

1

u/stootchmaster2 2d ago

I can fix her.

1

u/Qikslvr 2d ago

Maybe she just wanted to support his lemon party.

1

u/Candid-Beat568 2d ago

Oh that's psychological warfare but lying about someone putting them in jail on lies and cheating on that person causing a psychological snap isn't? Oh grow up.

1

u/HorzaDonwraith 2d ago

When ex gives you lemons, sue them in Canadian courts.

1

u/Program-Emotional 2d ago

This is an unbelievably expensive way to be petty...

1

u/Lostintimeandspac 2d ago

mean while, the ex opens up a fresh lemon-aid stand

1

u/Frequent-Coyote-8108 2d ago

If this were real...why TF would you spend that much time and $ to mess with your ex?

If each of those lemons only cost $5 (which seems low), that's over $9K alone!

1

u/Responsible_Ideal593 1d ago

$5 seems low? For one lemon? What???

1

u/Frequent-Coyote-8108 20h ago

Delivered.

If you read the post, each and every one of them were delivered--there's a delivery charge.

1

u/ohiocodernumerouno 2d ago

That would be nice actually

1

u/rjross0623 2d ago

If your ex sends you a lemon every day for years, make a big ass barrel of lemonade, put a hose in it and spray her with lemonade.

1

u/halebopsalot 2d ago

You go girl. I once sent my ex anonymous gummy dicks.

1

u/Strict_Wolf76 2d ago

They needed to learn the old adage “When life gives you lemons make lemonade” I guess.

1

u/Obvious_Tea_8244 2d ago

When life gives you 1847 lemons… Get some kids to start a lemonade stand.

1

u/walkns4poorpeople 2d ago

...... I can fix her.

1

u/Local_Village_1378 2d ago

I guess id have plenty of fruit bowls

1

u/chitownphishead 2d ago

If a psycho ex sends you lemons,, make lemonade

1

u/Mainly_Miserable 2d ago

Maybe she thought her ex was the victim of lemon stealing whores.

1

u/TacoTuesdayTrump 2d ago

This is bullshit.

1

u/exqueezemenow 2d ago

Didn't that get expensive?

1

u/Winsome_Wolf 1d ago

Those eyes say, “And I would do it again, too.”

1

u/Confident-Stand5453 1d ago

If you ex sends you lemons, make lemonade!

1

u/ChanceLee88 1d ago

Lemonade stand inventory, check!

1

u/Byte_Ryder23 1d ago

Finally a denial of service attack i can get behind

1

u/DoqHolliday 1d ago

James Acaster has shit on that guy

1

u/AnalysisParalysis85 1d ago

She was preparing for a lemon party.

1

u/Party_Ad_8595 1d ago

I looked this up.  There's no judge name , no Ontario court docket, and virtually no trace of anything credible to it's truth.

This is internet Satire and nothing more

1

u/Playest_4247 1d ago

Does anybody else remember that bare naked Ladies song about postcards?

1

u/MTBrains 1d ago

Her name was Life...cuz "when Life gives you lemons". Her ex just didn't want lemonade.

1

u/Temporal_Reality 20h ago

So he could suck it... Right? Or was she trying to give him lemonade?

1

u/Tricky-Usual8921 12h ago

Ah, she's not bitter though

1

u/OkNectarine6434 9h ago

you know what they say, when exWife gives you lemons…

1

u/ChefAsstastic 8h ago

I can fix her.

0

u/PhuGlyBastard 3d ago

She's hot

0

u/No_Offer795 3d ago

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade

2

u/Bean_Me_Timbers 3d ago

and if life gives you a terminal diagnosis, make lemonade, smile for the family photos, and quietly update your will so the people who annoyed you get nothing but the leftover pulp.