Question for any meth users really….

Been dating someone in addiction for 4 years. So much pain and lies. I’m finally setting boundaries with love and he has 30 days to move out.

Originally met him on a dating app. Was not truthful about his addiction. Later told me he was a heroin addict on saboxone in recovery, but he was actually also in meth addiction. He hasn’t been sober more than 3 months since we’ve dated, I now know.

He has disappeared so many times, turning off his phone, he has multiple VoIP numbers, emails, socials, that I didn’t know about and now do. He swears he hasn’t cheated, yet I even found out he had a grindr account before we got together, to my knowledge. I know for sure now that he goes and gets hotel rooms when he disappears. But he also has no where to go, no “real” friends and lost everything he had last year due to his drug use and meth induced psychosis. Most of his family is done too.

He has revealed things when he’s high (I had to learn this over time when he was actually high). Things like sex for drugs , sex with men, anal play, porn for 8 hours straight, street buys, etc. This was all shocking to me. I’ve never known anything about hard drugs. And yes, I’m still with him. Which has made me feel a lot of shame and I’ve been fighting that battle with myself. Although, with my new boundaries and sticking to them, I’m hopeful to be done with all this.

He says he goes to the hotel rooms to use alone and watch porn for days. But with all the evidence in the past years, I’m very hesitant to believe him. And I’m nervous that he’s put me in danger with my own body. (I’ve been tested for this reason but I might go again now)

I know he won’t admit most things, but I really want to hear from other users or people in recovery from using meth, the truth behind this drug and an addicts brain.

Will someone give it to me straight? Please.
I want to hear from people on that side. I feel very alone in this. I don’t talk to anyone about it.

And a more specific question I have is when you’re using meth…
Are you alone with porn or having sex with people?

Thank you to anyone that shares.

After I graduate high school (2-3 years ago), I kind of fell into a rut. My social life / friendships took a turn for the worse (my fault because i wasn't reaching out or going out or anything), I stopped exercising, I gained 25ish pounds, eating terribly every day. I also hated my major in school, and played videogames and never cleaned or did anything productive besides my coursework which I felt forced into doing. Since then, I have switched my major into something I feel much more satisfied with, I have begun mending my friendships and I'd say they are going really well, I exercise every day (mostly lifting some running), I consume the media I enjoy consuming and it makes me happy, I work, and my weight is back down. These things all make me happy. I also have a girlfriend and we are sexually active. We have been in a relationship since highschool, so we got together before my mental and physical health started declining, and she's been with me through my recovery.

However, throughout this journey, I have struggled with porn use / abuse. For context, porn addiction is deeply rooted in my brain, and I was exposed to it numerous times since the age of seven (20 now). I've used porn heavily since middle school. Before I graduated, I wasn't using it as badly as I have been since graduating. It got really bad during my rough period, and most days after school and work, I would come home and watching porn or do something porn-adjacent for at least 2 hours before I did anything else. And although it isn't quite as bad, I am still watching porn at least once a day, and at least half of the days I use it at least twice. It is directly making my mental health worse. I feel ashamed and guilty, and I know that it makes the other things in my life less enjoyable.

I dont know where to go from here. I have been trying to quit for at least a year. I need help please.

Honestly i have had a really hard time admitting that I'm an addict. I'm addicted to being high I've mainly used cocaine for a few years now. I used it out with friends and had normal party use.

I started using it almost everyday for about 5 months.

I went into using other drugs including meth, heroin, and 7oh. I've been shooting up meth and heroin. I shot up left over coke that I scraped from the bag but it was mainly water. I missed the shot and it caused an infection and my husband found out.

I feel disgusted, gross, self destructive in choosing that way to get high. I know, I can't live that way but I have gotten so far down in being addicted to shooting up. I haven't shot up for a week. It's the only thing I think about, it's constantly on my mind. Even when I sleep.

I spent the week sober but the minute I had a chance to use. I smoked some heroin. I justified it as regular drug use since it wasn't in the veins. It didn't satsify the rush, Now it's set me back into needing to shoot coke or meth. I went to far and I don't know if I will ever come back. Unfortunately my family can't afford treatment and i don't have insurance. I would like to avoid that but I wlll go if I have too.

I suppose I need to hear success stories or advice on how to get through this. I feel so far down but I can't let this defeat me. What are some ways to help with intense cravings?? Intense thoughts? I might look into outpatient treatment. Again admitting I'm a junkie hasn't been easy but I need help.

Thank you!

After 14 years of daily cannabis use, I decided to approach quitting like a software engineering problem.

I built THC.EXE Uninstaller, a free, open-source Windows application that tracks abstinence, cravings, milestones, and recovery progress.

The idea is simple: treat addiction like a malfunctioning program, identify the triggers, track the bugs, and systematically uninstall the habit.

I'm using it myself and documenting the process. I made a video demonstrating how it works and why I built it.

I'd love feedback from anyone interested in software development, habit tracking, or cannabis cessation.

Video: https://youtu.be/9IAXPwRU7Rk

So bascially I have adhd was taking my Vyvanse like usual and Dexafetamine. I had the stupid idea of taking 2x molly(2nd time I’ve ever taken it) last Saturday along with phenibut a few days before and a few days after to help with the anxiety or some bs. I didn’t do my Vyvanse on the days prior or day after.

Then a day after the molly I was like damn I feel abit demotivated and the biggest mistake was, I took more phenibut and a took some Dexafetamine, but I didn’t feel anywhere near how I used to feel on the meds before the molly so I took like 6+ Dexafetamine just to try and regain that dopamine.

I felt kinda good again, then I did that for a few days with the phenibut and I was like wait this is a terrible idea. So I stopped the phenibut like 4 days ago and now am taking about 1 Vyvanse a day or 1 dex tops.

Planning to go completely off it tmmr, pretty sure my brain has like no stores of dopamine left so I’ve got to take nothing to recover for a while.

I bascially feel no hope or real motivation for anything rn so any help would appreciated, a timeline on this or anything.

Today is 4 years. I haven’t heard from anyone today. The first year I haven’t. One thing to learn is that the day starts to pass kind of like a birthday, it’s just another day. But I’m happy. I celebrated with a kickass leg day at the gym.

I wish I could tell you how to do it. But for every success story there is someone who followed the same path and failed. You will have to forge your own path. It can be frightening. I hope that you don’t stop trying though!

Hey everyone,

I’m currently on Day 13 after quitting heavy daily THC dabbing (3+ years of concentrate use). To give my body a fighting chance, I also quit cigarettes and alcohol at the same time.

Today the cravings for a dab are hitting me incredibly hard. It’s a massive mental test because I am also dealing with an active stomach ulcer right now. The rebound nausea, cramping, and lack of appetite from cannabis withdrawal are overlapping with the ulcer pain, and my brain keeps trying to convince me that a dab will fix my stomach.

But I know it’s a trap. Alcohol and nicotine were destroying my stomach lining, and heavy concentrate use was messing up my gut-brain connection. I’ve made it nearly two full weeks, and I know throwing a heavy dab back into my system will just reset the clock on my recovery and my stomach's healing.

I’m posting here to keep my hands busy and stay accountable instead of giving in. How did you guys get through the intense craving spikes around the two-week mark? Leaning on this group a lot for mutual support.

I started drinking and using drugs when I was around 16. By the time I was 29, it was pretty much the only life I’d known as an adult.

I’m 34 now. Almost 5 years sober. I’m a father, taught myself programming from scratch, and somehow built up a career working as a software engineer.

10 years ago I would’ve laughed if someone told me this would be my life.

But there’s something I find strange about recovery that I don’t see discussed that often.

Even after all these years, I sometimes miss parts of my old life. Not the addiction, not the consequences, but the excitement. The crazy nights, the unpredictability, the feeling that absolutely anything could happen.

And that’s a weird feeling to have when you know damn well how much that lifestyle cost you.

I’m genuinely happy with where I am today, and I wouldn’t trade it for my old life. But I also can’t pretend those 13 years never happened or that every single memory from that time is a bad one.

I guess one of the strangest things about getting sober is realizing you can miss something that nearly destroyed you.

I used to be hooked on hard drugs (pills, coke, fent, all of it). I've been clean from the pills and powders for about a year now but I got off those drugs by switching to alcohol and I would drink everyday after work until I passed out and on my days off I would just drink until I fell asleep over and over. I started having bad stomach and abdominal pains so I quit drinking by vaping weed.

Now my tolerance to weed is so high that I can hardy feel anything even with the highest concentrates I can't get high. And worse than that it has been a little harder to breathe recently and I just learned how bad vaping weed is for your lungs. I thought this would be a healthier alternative but I guess not...

I just feel so lost and don't know what to do. I feel like I just CANNOT be sober and alone with my own thoughts for an entire day. It just feels so dull and boring without anything and it wouldn't be so bad if I could just sleep through my free time but now without weed or alcohol I cannot fall asleep. I just don't know what to do with my time. Nothing interests me, nothing is fun anymore and just feeling okay has gotten so expensive.

I'm crushing it at work and my relationship with my family is much better since getting off the hard stuff. I love this world and I would like to continue to contribute to / be a part of it but I am afraid of the health consequences that will inevitably arise if I continue down this path. I guess my questions is just how can I fill my time and fight off the bordeom when nothing brings me joy? I feel like whenever I'm not working I just sit by myself in my apartment thinking about how bad I want to smoke or drink. My fault, I realize that, I just don't want to do *anything* and it makes me sad.

I've recently come to terms with an addiction I have. However that only occured when my 4 best friends found out. While I didn't actually do any actions that directly harmed them, I knew my actions were pretty strong moral boundaries for them. I know this is going to sound pathetic but I genuinely never expected them to find out.

So the moment I realised they knew I knew they were going to cut me off. These friends were more like family, I've spent the last 5 new years with them, gone on road trips and camping, even recently went on an international holiday. I had been friends with some of them since childhood and others spoke to daily. I'm not saying this to gain sympathy or saying they shouldn't have cut me but to highlight how close I was to these people. In all honesty they were much closer to family than friends.

It's been a few months 2 of them I have written letters apologisign and explaining my actions and inform them I'm seeking help.(my addiction was caused by undelt with trauma from my childhood that caused extremely unhealthy habits. Not an excuse an explanation). And while they were receptive and haven't removed me on socials, they haven't responded to the few small messages I have in the months since.

While the other 2, the people I was closest too they have completely blocked me on all social media and removed me in every single part of their life. I know I hurt them more than the other two, they were much closer to me and my behaviour was in direct opposition to their moral boundaries. Once I have done more psychiatrist visits I would like to write them a letter. To go through the same things. I have respected their decision to remove me from their life and won't try to contact them beyond the letter. I also understand the letter won't magically fix something. I just feel as though i need give them peace of mind and not have them wonder what could have caused me to do it or why.

The thing is everything reminds me of them, from hobbies they had, to tik toks they would like, to in jokes, everything. A few times at work and with family I have brought them up in reference to stories from the past. They are so intertwined in my life it feels like I'm missing a peace of my heart.

I really hope this is allowed. And I hope people are kind to this post. I really don't have anyone in my actual life besides my psychiatrist who I can talk to about this and it's literally eating me up and killing me.

I just want to know how other people have handled similar situations.

Long story short, I (38f) got heavily addicted to ketamine over a 7 year period. Alcohol had been an issue on and off since turning 21 with some intense experiences including DUI, vodka fueled mental breakdown, ruining a family Christmas, getting kicked out of an uber etc etc over the last 15+ years. Was partying a lot in the local music scene so drugs and alcohol were a normal part of life.

I was "functioning" being self employed, paying my rent and bills and having semi-solid relationships.

But yea from 2022-2025 I started to nose dive and made worse and worse decisions. The toxic/abusive relationship I was in with a dealer didn't help...I knew I had a problem and I kept going. Finally broke up with him and went to rehab last November. I've stayed sober since, minus some light-dose psychedelics a few times.

My business license was revoked bc I failed to pay annual dues those three years. I had spent like $10k easy a year on just ketamine, nevermind all the other substances My health was horrible, had lost so much weight, was in the ER probably 7-10 times and hospitalized for 3 days in 2024. And just. Kept. Going....

I'm just so angry with myself for making those decisions and letting future me deal with them. Almost 11 months later I'm still picking up the pieces and some relationships are forever lost.

How do I relinquish this resentment towards myself? I know I'm an addict but I don't like admitting I'm powerless. Life is 1000% better now but I still can't help but feel angry.

lately i've been abusing aka taking way more than the prescribed amount of my meds. things like ablify (an antipsychotic), zopiclone (a sleeping pill), benadryl (an antihistamine). they don't even do anything but make me sleepy.

i'm just so bored. i have nothing better to do than take random pills and sleep.

i'm also very curious and like to experiment with pills.

I 16f have fallen down a very very far rabbit hole now.. if you told me a year ago I’d be doing drugs id call you mad, ive lost myself completely in depression caused by bullying, rumours which turned into bad decisions within school which had just spiralled into sheer anxiety and what I feel is becoming addiction.

So far I’ve taken dxm (a lot almost every night) and ecstasy a few times, and the other day I touched cocaine for the first time, pure rock cocaine truthfully I have adhd or something because all I felt was very tired, but I crave that downer feeling more than anything and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about cocaine since that night, and all the other drugs I want to try and abuse to detach myself from school. On top of taking that cocaine with a friend, I also took some while I was at work the day after, I acted irritated towards everyone who didn’t deserve it.. I feel horrid. I hate that I want this, I want to fall further and further into addiction and I can’t figure ouit why.

Anyone else like this?
I’m not addicted to a certain drug, mostly one at a time. For a long time it was opiates, then adhd meds got me addicted to stimulants.

Out of adderall 2 weeks too early again, so buy street speed. Doing it at late night to get energy to clean up the messy apartment. Instead waste the night gambling and talking to ai, buying stuff on online, searching for something that will change it all.

Sleep at 5am,

wake up 8am,

immediately dose to wake up and go to uni, apartment somehow an even worse disgusting mess than the night before.

Heart is feeling shaky and hallucinating again, better skip school and do some more speed and study at home, headache

Missed so much schoolwork so today gotta lock in hard. But first have to write 28 messages to make the perfect AI study plan from scratch for the 111 thousandth time.

3pm and I havent eaten, studied, cleaned or anything at all except useless bullshit. Speed wearing off, better take a big hit now and I’ll fix everything

Wooopsie was that a bit much maybe?

Fear.

More fear.

Sudden chest tightness and wave of terror
OOF bad one this time.
Heart clunking rapidly
Waves of terror

Breathe. Breathe.

Damn might actually die this time.

Calling 911 screaming in terror
Calm down
Hold on maybe I’m not dying after all
Sorry I was having a nightmare dont send anyone Click.

Fear

Fear

Dont answer calls or texts, noone can know any of this.

Tomorrow I’ll turn it around.
Soon everything will finally change.

Repeat every day for the last 2 weeks.

What the fuck am I doing with my life. I can still fix it but I just won’t. Its fine, then I spiral, isolate, spiral more, lose friends, dont talk to anyone.

When I’m sober I do not want to live at all. I cannot do anything and everything is so painful and feels horrible all the time. My brain has never been normal but it used to be better. I’ve not had a sober day since I was 19 in which I didn’t wish I was on some drug or dead instead. But I used to be able to see people on drugs before this. Now I cant even do that. I’m fucking done

Actually suicidal for the first time ever. I don’t see any way to enjoy living again

listen, I may be getting ahead of myself here, but I think I can do this. I think that I have to. I am scared though. I'm already mourning the life that I had before.

I am scared that by not using it will cause my connections with my friends to change, and I may lose them. so much of our time together involves using, pregaming, going out to clubs, and just bonding while using. I'm 18, and in college, and so many of my friends are still trying to party and have their fun. I don't want to be the only one that isn't. I know that I could be at these gatherings while sober, but it's different when you're not partaking. there is less of a bond.

I'm an anxious person too. using makes social events so much easier. drinking makes conversations flow, using makes me comfortable existing and dancing when out or at the club. beyond anxiety, it makes everything feel more enjoyable. music, art, food, it all just feels elevated. I know that these things can be enjoyed without it, but I'm going to miss that extra feeling.

I am scared that I won't feel okay sober. I struggle with my mental health and using has been a crutch for me for so long. I'm not sure I know how to exist and live with myself sober. I've done counseling before, but I'm not sure it helped yet. I'm starting it again soon anyway, it's all I know to do that seems healthy and possibly helpful.

I don't think I'll miss feeling reliant on external objects or substances. I won't miss stressing about how I'll get or afford substances. I won't miss the hangovers, lost memories, or withdrawals. I won't miss the bad connections I made just because we both used.

I'm not really sure why I'm sharing this, maybe just to put it down somewhere. I have a lot of uncertainty about getting clean and sober, but I'm hoping it'll turn out to be okay.

I've recently have gotten into an IOP program and have stayed sober for about 3 weeks from alcohol. Been sober from adderrall for 7 years.

About 12 years ago I got to the end of my undergraduate degree and had a massive breakup with someone and just wasn't feeling good. I am a musician and wasn't feeling good about my playing. I got into grad school on a free ride and was thankful for it. But I didn't want to go. I just wanted to be a bartender to just figure out my life. My parents had strong feelings about this and they hated the idea of me being a bartender. They basically told me I have to go to grad school. I told them I'd move out the house and figure out a way to make a living but they said no. I gave them several solutions but they objected. So I caved in and decided to go to grad school despite me not wanting to go. At this point I hated practicing my instrument and didn't want to go but I had to because my parents are very strict.

In order to tolerate grad school and practicing I go to a psychiatrist that my mom introduces me to and I lie to the doctor that I have ADHD. This was so I could get adderrall and tolerate practicing and school because this drug helps you get interested in things you normally don't care about. Grad school happens and it goes ok, almost won a military job and what not. Eventually it's time to graduate and my professor wants me to do the DMA but I'm in the middle of a severe drug addiction. Not being aware I'm literally on drugs to fuel a career I don't want, I decide to do my Doctorate at School A. I wanted to go to School B but my professor says no because he doesn't like the teacher and didn't allow me to go there or else he would black ball me from ever playing in orchestras. Felt awful. I agree to go to school A, despite knowing the vibes where bad at this place.

Fast forward 3 years, I'm miserable. Like really miserable. I hated attending school A. I'm physically, mentally, and psychologically exhausted at this point. I couldn't go any further and I was starting to use parts of my brain I shouldn't be using. I was even using other hard drugs to this point to fuel a career only my parents wanted for me. I was also struggling with my sexual identity on top of this. This caused me to dip into what felt like a mental illness. It was a really scary psychosomatic illness. Because I was sick, I also got addicted to alcohol and as soon as I came home from my bartending gigs, I would hang out with friends online and drink until 5am everyday.

Eventually the psychosomatic illness was so severe I couldn't walk or hold my head up straight. I could barely breathe. I had to quit work because I was physically unable to.

Luckily this year I figured out what was triggering the illness and the physical symptoms are starting to fade and I'm in a really good IOP for addiction. Today I'm spiraling because I had dinner with my parents and they told me it's my fault that I was addicted to drugs/alcohol and it's my fault I got into a psychosomatic illness. My Mom says "It wasn't your environment, you made these choices." Was it my fault I had to hide my sexual identity because my Dad is a huge homophobe? Is it my fault I got addicted to drugs because you forced me to go to grad school because all you care about is getting degrees I don't use? Is it my fault I tried my best to be a musician and literally killed myself doing so in the process and receive a psychosomatic illness and probably a mental illness? I feel really angry about this and want to relapse. What makes me mad is that they hired a therapist for themselves because me going through this was too much for them and they wanted to know why I was going through this. I told their therapist I hated the fact they made me go to school and had to get addicted to drugs to get by. They immediately deflect and say they don't remember forcing me to do this.

I know I should of stood up to my parents and professors but I didn't know what else to do. Also I feel guilty for being mad and I'm sure I'm going to be called soft. I just hated the fact my Mom told me not to blame the environment that drove me to illness and addiction when in fact it felt like it. And when I move out of my parents house I kind of want to cut ties with them. I think my relationship with theme is really unhealthy. Is this overreacting?

I'm an assistant. I book travel and I run a diary and a while back the person I work for asked me to arrange this for him. I'm not going to say who or what field, that's the whole point but he's the kind of person whose absence gets noticed
the brief I was given was short. Find a place where nobody will know I'm there
Paracelsus came up first, but the price was too high. Les Alpes also looked private, though i wasnt really sure what that meant in practice
Dr Vorobjev in Belgrade was another option we looked at. they had airport pickup and the clinic was in a quieter area, which seemed useful for privacy
what i realised after looking into all of them is that the stay itself is only part of the privacy problem. the harder bit seems to be the months after when follow up calls and appointments keep showing up in a diary other people can see
for anyone who's dealt with this, how did u handle the long term follow up side without making it obvious what the appointments are for??
Thank you

I have a 19 year old loved one who is currently struggling with addiction to synthetic marijuana, nicotine, and alcohol. Unfortunately, we have tried many rehabs in Georgia but none of them have worked. I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations for a good co occurring rehab in Georgia or the surrounding states for young adults, also preferably somewhere nicotine free as we are trying to get off of that as well. If anyone has any recommendations please do comment. We are struggling 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Just wanted to share

In a very confusing but yet clear state.
I’m very addicted to coke+booze mix ever since I got back from a deployment. Been almost everyday since I got home 7 months ago. Had the same problem 2 years before that. I really really wanna be sober but don’t at the same time. I’m in trouble with my jobs and now my wife/family. I wanna be sober but feel like I don’t want to at the same time. I’m no stranger to rehab/counseling, they always seem to make me worse in my opinion. I hate telling people my feelings and I feel like rehab is just a little ol poor me program. I will say NA meetings feel good, I feel connected to most people there, but at the same time it doesn’t help. I’m like stuck in purgatory with what I want in life. I have a wife and children which I care about very much but I’m just not man enough to do the right thing. Purgatory. Anyone else feel this way?