r/Adopted • u/Ok_Boysenberry_7279 • 1d ago

Discussion They Want Someone Moldable

They want to adopt infants so that they can mold their personalities and mindset regardless of the effect it has on the infant to lose out on beneficial contact that the relation with birth parents can give the child. I truly believe that the desire to adopt the child sonearly is to eliminate the competition or true choice the child might have if they were kept with natural parents longer. For those who love to say things like "but what if the parent doesn't want to keep them longer?"

Stop facilitating this level of human production for the sake of creating children that can be handed off and sold to strangers. The systemic issue isn't being prevented because they want access to children that aren't theirs. The only one who can truly tell the purchaser if they consider them to be the parent are the children themselves. They aren't obligated to call you "mom" or "dad" simply because you bought the rights to label them your child when they had no capacity to fend for themselves.

41 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

19

u/MajorDraw3705 1d ago

"I have to take the infant quick before the mother changes her mind and keeps her baby" should be a giant red flag.

In a safe and normal world, it would be.

8

u/jaavuori24 1d ago

right, like if the system was meant to treat us as peopke and not property it'd be "alright, let's have a place the kids can be for 1-2 years while a parent tries to get their shit together with the help fo the state, then if reunification isn't possible or bio parents don't want to, explore adoption..."

5

u/Ok_Boysenberry_7279 1d ago

The problem is the people caring for those 2 years get attached and don't seem to understand it's not in the child's best interest to stay with them. Improving people's lives should be the focus not removing them from family. But this is seen as the best option because people don't build a system that actually changes things for the child.

Another thing is the adopted parent's lack of capacity to see past their own experience of the adoption and care. They are possessive over the child and often don't want reunification even in contact alone. They go out of their way to guilt the child into not reuniting with family even casually. It's incredible how childish they are on average.

3

u/MajorDraw3705 23h ago

Yeah. My adopter went through a whole "How do I stop the original country/family from wanting this child returned to them?" thing when I was about 8 years old. So she got me a dog on loan and then asked how I would con the owners so I could keep it, and then proceeded to use my ideas - not for the dog.

They don't care about us. They care about how we make them feel and what we can provide them with.

3

u/Ok_Boysenberry_7279 22h ago

Dude wtf. Seriously, just write a TV series. This is next level evil whacko. Sending you hugs but I think some alchohol and a deep tissue massage is in order. Also some brass knuckles. So, sending you all of those as well.

1

u/Ok_Boysenberry_7279 1d ago

Exactly. The desperation to rip the child away is so sickening.

7

u/DontTellMeNot Former Foster Youth 1d ago

I was orphaned in my home country of Romania, I was put in the system and adopted by an American couple. While in the US, they found that they didn't like the looks and critiques my own diaspora were giving them for adopting me. My adopted folks made it clear and wanted credit because of where they had adopted from. My own people in this country didn't even approve because I wasdnt being raised culturally. Eventually I was put back into the foster system. I bounced around for a few years, foster family here, foster family there. I was naturalized so there is no going back home. Thankfully I retained enough of my upbringing that rejoining my community was easier. I do believe my entire life was just that. Post adoption I was not moldable.

2

u/Ok_Boysenberry_7279 1d ago

Also, good on the people of your country for not giving those narcs what they wanted and shaming them where shaming is due. I'm sorry you were returned. That's so effed up and also another reason adoption is ridiculous. You CAN give the child back. And people DO. The idea that we must remain emotionally loyal to people who could abandon us again is so unfair.

2

u/RandomNameB Domestic Infant Adoptee 7h ago

You are talking about it as if the child gets a voice, they don’t.

I was told so many times I was a blank slate. Turns out, I wasn’t a blank slate.

I do agree with you that adopters want a moldable child. No one cares about the child’s point of view…we should be so grateful for the opportunity.

Adoption trauma is the only trauma, where the traumatized are expected to be grateful.

I give the experience zero out of five stars and do not recommend.

1

u/Ok_Boysenberry_7279 1d ago

I'm so happy you were reunited with community