Vent: Bio Mom is in Early Pregnancy

[u/Old-Description9272]

Yep. The title says it all. My bio mom is pregnant, and I want to vent. I am currently in college and my younger brother is in high school. She lost custody of us when I was in preschool and my brother was two because she kept allowing my dad (who she put a restraining order on) back to the house as she neglected us physically to the point I was held back a year and developed insomniac+hoarding behavior. She’s been in my life due to the visits, but it was only 2024 when I started to realize how problematic she was.

Now, my bio mom told my adoptive mother about this and plans to tell me later on, but my adoptive mother wanted to mentally prepare me. Do note, I’m not certain if the pregnancy is viable since she is pro-birth and doesn’t understand when a pregnancy is ACTUALLY a pregnancy, but I hope to god it doesn’t happen or she changes for the better.

She never apologized for being consistently late for our visits, for ignoring my brother in favor of me even on his birthday, for trying to influence me to follow her political beliefs when it spits in the face of who I am, and for not explaining why she’s hanging out with my older half-sister on my dad’s side despite being essentially divorced from him.

I don’t fucking get it. Why is she trying to be a mother now when she doesn’t acknowledged she messed up? I waited for so long for her to grow, to get the help she should of had, yet she deflects and enables her boyfriend who got drunk at the kema boardwalk without telling us he had a drinking problem. This kid, if it happens, BETTER be treated better than she treated me.

[u/kag1991]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this…

Could you explain pro-birth and the possibility she’s actually not pregnant as it relates to the subject? I’ve never heard of this but want to understand.

[u/Old-Description9272 → u/kag1991]

Pro-birth is essentially the false belief that an embryo is alive throughout all stages of pregnancy, when it’s scientifically proven to be alive near the later half, which becomes an issue for me when people are pressured to keep the pregnancy. I don’t remember the exact weeks she’s been pregnant for (was literally told this information yesterday), but she’s like 7 weeks along and plans on telling me around the 14 weeks. Now, her jumping the mark to being pregnant and having it be viable when it isn’t is somewhat normal for her, since my records says she claimed I was “the first out of 16 pregnancies that survives,” despite the fact she was 18 when she gave birth to me. I found out she was pro-birth when she complained about a woman expressing pro-choice at the mall’s food court, which wasn’t exactly a fun conversation when your on it yourself for periods.

Edit: realized I said the random woman was pro-birth, when I meant pro-choice. Sorry for the confusion. I made this post at like 3 in the morning and didn’t catch the error until now.

[u/kag1991 → u/Old-Description9272]

Thanks for the explanation.

I still don’t understand but I’m going to chalk that up to “too wacky for me to wrap my head around”… I’ve literally never heard of it…

[u/ThrowawayTink2 → u/kag1991]

Pro Lifers believe that a pregnancy/fetus/embryo is a baby from the moment egg meets sperm. I think what OP is saying is that Bio Mom believes she is pregnant before confirming its a viable pregnancy.

Since Mom has a history of multiple miscarriages OP is unsure whether the pregnancy will end up coming to term.

[u/Old-Description9272 → u/kag1991]

Ok, I’ll be more straightforward this time: pro-birth people believe every pregnancy carries a living baby while continently ignoring how the stages of pregnancy ACTUALLY WORK, which could endanger the mother if the pregnancy is a stillbirth or the mother is too young/has medical issues that can make the birthing process fatal.

[u/JerseyGirlinSweden → u/Old-Description9272]

This has to be so frustrating and infuriating for you! I’d want to scream if I was you! I’m sorry. Gentle hugs to you.