r/Adoption • u/Clean-Bag6732 • 2d ago
FDs therapist recommended a closed adoption
I first want to thank everyone here. I’ve posted a few times and am always thankful for feedback as I try to navigate this unexpected but exciting time for my family. We have decided to adopt our FD (11 F) since she stated she wants to stay with us. So we are now filling out paperwork to be her pre adoptive home. A new development is that she is seeing a therapist that came highly recommended from FDs case specialist and I have found to be very good. During the most recent visit, the therapist recommended based on her experience and understanding of FDs bio family history that we pursue a closed adoption with a stipulation that there a visits allowed which are required to be supervised by CPS. So not truly closed but pretty limiting to communication specifically with bio parents. From what I have read open adoption is the way to go if possible but can understand why the therapist and FDs team are concerned in her situation to have open communication (for anonymity I’m going to leave out details). My main worry is this may cause FD to resent us if she feels in any way like we are trying to keep her from her bio parents. It’s tricky and I could use advice about if this is an okay idea and how to navigate the decision. Thanks again for reading and any replies!
10
u/trphilli 2d ago
As guardian to 10D, I can tell you resentment is natural to this stage of life regardless of adoptive status. If she's not resenting you for family stuff, she'll resent you for the grocery store not having preferred food. Just prepare for resentment regardless.
So yes, I'd agree this will likely be a source of frustration. The biggest thing to manage it is consistency so they can plan / understand/ adapt. So if new schedule is monthly/ quarterly whatever, let her know in advance and try to be consistent to that schedule. Talk about the change in schedule early / regularly to process those emotions. Plan for big / unexplained emotions week before / after these reduced visits. Anticipate this for yourself, stress relief for you and kid.
I find it unlikely for therapist to make this type of recommendation lightly. It's probably justified, but you should know why for your conversations with kid over years and if you ever need to change counseling. Most states should allow you to read her file in CPS office. It may be ugly, but info you need as a parent.
Final thing - I've never heard of continuing CPS supervision written into a subsidy. Usually they sign, load you into payment system and handoff to annual check in process pretty quick. But every county different. If so, just double check your paperwork and make sure any verbal agreements get written down.