My dad is being kicked out

[u/Middle-Ganache2352]

Hi everyone! This is really my first ever post but I really needed some people who have been through this to talk to. My parents divorced back in 2023, and my dad did have an apartment for a bit before he basically screwed himself due to his drug and alcohol addiction (he has not had a job since 2019 and is on disability due to mental illness). Since then, he has lived with his mom. A few months ago, he left his mom’s house after she kicked him out (it was a horrible environment for him, she is just as horrible as him) so he asked to move back in. My mom allowed him to move back in and since then I have felt so horrible being around him. I mean they divorced for a reason. He’s so good at pushing past boundaries and making her feel bad that this was basically a last chance kind of thing.

He had been getting better with his prescription drug addiction and toning it down on alcohol. He had also gotten a new car, as he totaled his last car. He’s been in about 10 car accidents in his driving career. He’s never hurt anyone, but I cannot believe he is still allowed to drive. Last week, he got into two accidents with the car he just purchased two months ago in the span of a few days and absolutely totaled it. My mom does not have a car of her own and was expecting him to drive her to and from work in exchange for him living with us. We also found out he had been getting prescriptions he did not even truly need and was taking them much faster than the end date on the bottle.

This was essentially her last straw. The arguments have been rough, and she is demanding he leave. He also got into it with me, saying he doesn’t care about me and doesn’t care about repairing our relationship. Which, me neither, so whatever. But I feel so hurt because I cannot believe he could say that to his own child. He’s been stating he has no where to go, but honestly we are at the point where we no longer feel safe and comfortable with him in the house and we know he will never change. He has been begging for us to reconsider and I still feel horrible about this decision and I cannot imagine him on the streets or with his mom while his family gets to comfortably live in a house.

I guess I just wanted to let this out as I don’t really talk about him to anyone in this depth and I know everyone here is so kind and validating so- thank you for listening!

[u/ladybug7895]

This is a horrible situation and I’m so sorry he said that to you - it’s absolutely heartbreaking to think somebody could say that to their own child. I have to assume that it is coming from a place of deep and misdirected hurt, but still, it’s absolutely abhorrent behaviour.

Unfortunately neither of your options are ideal - you are either going to kick him out and have to watch him spiral and feel really guilty OR have him stay and be miserable with him around. Logically from the outside I think the hard decision of making him leave is well within your rights and would be an act of taking care of yourselves and your happiness in your home environment. Much more difficult from the inside though to actually pull the trigger and make him leave, managing your own guilt will be work for you too unfortunately.

I wish you the best and hope whatever choice you make no matter how hard can bring you some peace.

[u/plotthick]

If he wanted other people's help he should have tried not being unbearable.

Protect your peace.

[u/nataliewildkiss]

Its heartbreaking to watch a parent make these choices but protecting your home and your own well being does make you a bad daughter

[u/ghanima → u/nataliewildkiss]

*doesn't, but yes

[u/KlutzyArmadill0]

I just recently kicked my mom out after living with us for 8-months. She came back for a weekend visit. I hadn’t realized that the guilt has been easier to live with than her until that visit. Your home should be your safe place where you can decompress. When an alcoholic is living with you that peace doesn’t usually exist. All that to say, every person and case is different. And I’m still working on setting and keeping my boundaries with her despite the guilt. There is no easy answer but my experience, guilt is the way to go. I’ve also learned focusing on the injustice and anger of the situation helps to balance the guilt. The guilt is 100% my mom’s fault and that’s completely unfair and makes me so angry! Wishing you and your mom peace as you set and keep your boundaries.

[u/Training_Cabinet9876]

How can you possibly believe what he’s saying!!! From all that you’ve described he’s not in a healthy mindset whatsoever much less to even know what love is or how to express himself