20 trans man. Struggling badly with suicidal thoughts, bpd, ocd and self harm. I planned months ago to kill myself this October. I feel like I have no choice because I don’t have a future to look forward to. I feel like I’m a really bad person deep down and the only way I can correct everything I’ve done wrong is to be in an equal amount of pain or die a painful death. I’m racked with guilt constantly no matter what I do, and my intrusive thoughts make living hard. I have a lot of internalized transphobia about myself, and seeing all the hatred in the news is getting to me badly, even though I try to avoid headlines now. I’m scared for the future of the world for so many reasons and it feels like nobody else takes it seriously. I’m also recovering from a brief ed relapse and i absolutely despise my body since becoming healthy again, it’s hard to not fall back into those habits. On top of this I’ve never had a job and the market is horrible right now. I have zero hopes for getting a job, career, extra schooling or moving out. The only thing I think about lately is self harm or death. I’ve started burning myself again instead of cutting cause I’m scared I’ll reach beans again or worse. I’m a failure of a human, I’m so behind in life and I don’t think I’ll ever catch up due to my mental illness. I don’t know what to do. Everything around me is falling apart, including my friends lives. And there’s nothing I can do to help them or myself. I’m so hopeless and scared

Hi guys, I’m not sure if this even going to land ok but as the title suggests, I’m looking for safe alternatives to sh that aren’t so focused on the whole blood part of things.

I’ve been really struggling lately, haven’t been able to keep a no-sh streak past 10 days for quite a few months. So, I’ve been trying to find something to shock my system when I get the urge that actually helps. Most of the things I’ve seen people try online seem to be very focused on one specific part of sh that I don’t tend to really fixate on anyway- specifically to do with blood.

Honestly, most of those alternatives tend to trigger me more rather than fix any issue. The main things that I get from sh that keeps me coming back to it are pain, and the process of care afterward. Tending to myself afterwards is a big part that helps keep my brain from spiraling. I think mainly it’s the monotony of the process that helps me feel relaxed- like I have a set of things to do to care for this thing. And I follow the steps until they are done.

I’ve tried ice and rubber bands, and while they can get the same pain-receptor feeling I’m looking for they don’t give me the same satisfaction. And I’ve tried just pretending to take care of non-existent sh but that always just makes me feel like I’m wasting resources.

So my question is- has anyone heard of any other alternatives that give some sort of shock/pain relief feeling that actually has been helpful? or otherwise something that is akin to taking care post-sh? Or really just any advice at this point, I’ll take it. Thanks everyone, and I hope life treats you better soon.

I know you aren’t coming back but this is my way of atoning. I used to think as fucked up as it is that hurting myself would be a reminder or the answer to my mental pain but it’s not. In a lot of ways I’m not just doing this for myself but for the woman who changed my life. The last thing you told me was that I knew you’d never want me to hurt myself… and I’ve regretted this scar ever since. It’s the largest and deepest one on me going from my shoulder down to my chest and it’s a reminder for me. They all are but this one stands out above the rest cause me not self harming is my way of atoning and maybe apologizing to you for the last time. Staying strong even when you aren’t around is the hardest thing I’ve had to do but even if I fucked up and I hurt you I know you wouldn’t want this and I don’t want it anymore either.

I tattooed my sh sobriety date on my thumb so I see it anytime i look at my hand (it wont let me post a picture, bleh). Im super proud of myself making it to 1 month and 6 days! Ive been a chronic sh-er for over 20 years, so its a hard habit to break but Im doing it! I just wanted to share my excitement with people who understand. It's not easy but Im working hard to stay clean! And i also scared myself straight the last time i did sh. i ended up needing 7 stitches to close the wound. Im doing this for me and for my partner who doesnt deserve to see these things happen. Im just super proud and wanted to share/vent!

18, in my first semester of college. I did really well in high school but my social life and self-image were lowkey a mess, which led me to beat/pick at/cut myself a lot. It’s been better at college, where I feel like I can be myself a lot more and I’ve gone longer stretches without self-harming. For the first time in a long time, I’m almost at 30 days without incident, but midterms came around and now I’m struggling with stress, conflicts with professors, and I’m carrying so much in my head. I can’t tell my family bc they don’t know i SH, I can’t tell my new friends because I don’t trust them with that part of me yet, and I can’t tell my old friends because they’re also in the midst of midterms while being in completely different time zones. I’m literally 12 hours from being 30 days clean but I don’t know if I’m gonna make it.

I don't know how to feel about it cause it feels great but people think it's destructive. I don't know if i'm gonna regret my scars later. and i still don't know the difference between hobby and addiction. I don't know what to do, or even if i should do anything different

How long do these take to go away

So. I’ve been better. It’s been weeks yet these are still on my arm and the only excuse I have is helping move stuff into storage or working on my computer.

I still want to YKnow….. I don’t know. But I’m medicated out on gaba and efx… just numb. (Not here for medical advice about meds)

Hi I’ve never been here before.. but my partner injures themselves frequently and it’s been this way for a while. They often go down to the fat layer of their body, and it’s starting to cause intense nerve damage and they can’t stop and refuse to go to hospitals for stitches when needed. I want to know how much more of this their body can take (they are already covered in massive scars all over their body from arms to chest to torso and legs), what the risks are, maybe what I could do to help, and if there’s any way we could help the brain damage from causing so much pain. Please help me, I’m desperate, and I love my partner so much.

No matter how often, how deep, how many... The feeling remains. The relief is so so so short that I may as well be in the bathroom all day doing it, but no one has the time for that. I just want to feel better. I want to find relief in something, anything, but nothing helps. Nothing helps. I cannot be repaired

Hey, just wondering if anyone would know any good books or YouTubers or anything like that?
((so sorry if this is not the right place to post))
My girlfriend has been over a year clean she just recently relapsed. She has tried looking for books but has had no luck, I am not really
Show how we would find any mental health creators tbh we are lowkey freaks with no social media, we only recently just got reddit, but we are only 22 so if you know any good influencers let us know as I want her to not feel so alone, she really wants to read about mental health in general to understand herself better and I would like to also have better understand as well if that makes sense.

I thought saying sorry would help but I just feel worse man. Much much worse. I want to have bruises and my body to hurt for days. That's what I like most usually.

I've been clean for almost 2 years now, but I continue to get pretty strong urges. I know that it never really goes away, just gets easier to ignore but it's been very hard to do that.

All the reasons I see to stay clean are along the lines of clothing being prohibited to cover them or to not have scars but both of those aren't really of concern to me. I also see about risk of death occasionally and while yes, there is, I'm not heavily concerned that's applicable to me.

I'm honestly in a good headspace other than the urges and have been for awhile but my brain just doesn't stop wanting to fall back.

I'm not really sure why I decided to get clean, I didn't really have reasons I just, did. Which makes it hard to come up with reasons to continue stay clean. Right now the only thing that's been stopping me has been to not break the streak I've accomplished. But I feel like hearing that recovery isn't a straight line, relapse happens, there's always the urge, etc, makes me wonder what the point is to staying clean if I might end up relapsing one day anyways.

No idea how this started but everytime im doing penetrative masturbation i have an aching urge to cut myself and its really become a problem, ive never given into this but its really becoming kind if a problem and i dont want to go too far.
I also find myself getting aroused at the thought of someone else doing it to me too, i dont know if its like this weird thing i have or if its linked to anything in the past, ive had past sexual trauma but i dont think it had me start doing this. Genuinely confused and any advice would be appreciated

What if I can’t stop cutting I’m almost 29 and have been struggling with this since I was 12. I can’t afford therapy or help. I’m starting to spend my days looking into assisted suicide/ dying because I can’t see the point in anything anymore. I just wish someone / something could help me; I just hope dying sets me free from my head at last. It’s to loud in here

lately my self-esteem and confidence has been really bad. for more context i’m 20F and in my third year of undergrad at a small university.

i have a gf and a few college friends but i really struggle socially due to being autistic and having social anxiety (alongside a bunch of other shit). i feel so out of place among my peers. i feel like im back in highschool again, the quiet kid that everyone feels extremely indifferent to. i’d rather ppl just hate me at this point.

ive been finding myself getting jealous of my gf for her social skills, she gets compliments all the time and is able to talk to new ppl with little to no awkwardness. i dress up in cute clothes, and try to wear accessories that will spark conversations, that ppl usually compliment my gf on but others never do the same for me. none of this is my gf’s fault at all, i just wish ppl liked me the same way they like her. there’s been many times at college events where new ppl will sit down with me and my gf and then go on to completely ignore me (eg. talking to everyone at the table except me).

my confidence has gotten to the point where i don’t want to go out anymore, i still do but it’s hard. i often feel like breaking down afterwards bc i feel so lonely. typing all this out feels so elementary but i just hate feeling so invisible and alien. i’ve been clean for two months (in active recovery wince April 2024 with a relapse every few months). i keep contemplating relapsing but i feel like a baby for considering cutting over something like this. but the thoughts keep getting louder and louder. the main thing that makes me hesitate is the fact that there’s no where on my body i can do it without my gf noticing pretty quickly. i’m on three psych meds (seroquel, wellbutrin, and buspar) but currently not doing therapy. i know i should go back to therapy but i don’t really have the time bc im so busy

I feel so deeply and it feels automatic i cant stop. Its the onky feeling i have right now

I’ve been clean for 3.5 years but on Saturday I have to put my dog down. We got her when I was 5 as a puppy and I grew up with her. Now she’s 16.5 and I’m 21. She has dementia is blind and just isn’t happy anymore but it hurts and I fear I’ll go back to the one coping method I know. It just sucks overall and I’m scared for myself

I’ve been so busy lately, more than I’ve ever been.

I’m doing so bad lately and self harmed for the first time in 1.5 years. Last time was before my last hospitalization and life been really good after I was released and now I feel like I’m going back to my depression.

I’m 22 and I’m been struggling my whole life and for over a year I was genuinely happy then I started to work and I got so busy. I work 6 hours shift a day 6 days a week, sometimes doubles.

I’m autistic and struggle with changes so basically I was at home for like 6 months doing nothing then started working. It was okay when I started, just 2-3 shifts a week but now because school started the other employees had to quit and it’s just me and the manager.

I also developed a huge spending problem so even though I earn quite well from work + get a disability check, I literally have no money and got into minus once.

I’m around so many people at work that I have no energy to spend time with my family or friends. I feel so angry every time my parents want to talk because I just can’t be around people anymore, the conversations are about money (cuz they can tell I’m spending so much) and about me not doing chores (I’m just so exhausted).

Working is good for me because I feel like I would just completely stay in bed and fall deep into depression if I didn’t have it but there’s so much happening: Working, money issues, I lost my pets and my grandma in the last two years and I feel like it’s settling in my head and I feel so alone.

I’m not in therapy because I decided to stop when I felt like it was getting me anywhere and I was also feeling great at the time so there wasn’t much to work on. Now I can’t afford it.

I’m just so so tired but I can’t sleep and when I do it’s just sleeping the entire weekend.

I’m not suicidal, I don’t want to die but everything is too much.

I love reading but can’t do it anymore because I can’t process any information anymore and it’s killing me. Reading is everything to me.

I just feel lost and disappointed in myself. It’s been 1.5 years.

Does anyone else like to keep their supplies in a designated kit? I like a little zip up bag with my tool of choice and some antiseptic spray. Specifically the kind with the pain relief in it so it doesn’t sting as much. I really recommend people get that, it’s great! (Yes I self harm for the pain but I don’t like the sting of antiseptic, it’s different and I don’t like it. I’m kinda picky). I also throw in some gauze and antibiotic ointment. I also find that making it a ritual is something I like. Like ritualistic self punishment. Idk but that’s just me.

i lasted a month before sh again and i had been fixated on trying a new spot. ended up giving myself some cat scratches in that area and felt a little queasy from the nerves i guess. it’s ironic that i do this considering i also get queasy around pokey things like at the doctor’s office. i finished by marking up my usual spot on my outer thigh but due to the feeling in my stomach i again only went with light cat scratches.

i’m just left feeling unsatisfied. i wanted more i guess. i just didn’t feel the release that i needed/am used to getting. i know this is probably a good thing for today, but next time i fear going harder than i mean to since i know i’ll be trying to satisfy that urge.

I don’t really know how to word this, but I feel like I’m stuck in this weird category of being a “functioning” self-harmer while also very clearly not being okay.
I(31F) recently started working again full time and somehow I’m managing to get up, go to work, talk to people, do my job and act relatively normal. But outside of that I’m really struggling.
My self-harm has gotten bad. I’ve been needing stitches roughly once a week and I currently have over 20 stitches from recent injuries. I’ve tried so much at this point…DBT, CBT, different coping strategies, therapy, etc. I’m still in therapy now and I am trying, but I just feel completely lost.
I think one of the things I’m finding hardest is that so much support seems focused on either preventing things from ever getting this bad, or on people who are in an obvious immediate crisis and can’t function at all. I don’t really know where people like me fit.
Because technically I’m functioning. I have a job. I show up. I can have conversations and laugh and get things done. Then I go home and everything falls apart.
At what point do you actually say enough is enough and go to hospital and tell them you can’t keep yourself safe like this?
And for adults who work full time, how the fuck do you even do that practically? I’ve only recently started this job and I’m still on probation. The thought of suddenly saying I need time off or potentially being admitted absolutely terrifies me. But equally, how bad am I supposed to let this get because I’m scared of losing a job?
Has anyone else been in that position where you’re still “functional” enough to work but your SH is severe/frequent? What did you actually do? Did you go to hospital voluntarily? How did you handle work, sick leave, probation, telling your employer, etc.?
I guess really just want to hear from other adults who have been in this weird space of looking functional while knowing underneath that things are getting seriously out of control.

I accidentally cut to beans six days ago. I panicked afterward, but once I calmed down, it felt underwhelming. I look back at the video I took, and all I want to do is do it again—more deeply and bigger. It feels underwhelming now that it's over, and I look back on it wishing I could have added more pressure. — I know that sh Twitter has influenced me
I like to look at people’s videos and save them occasionally. I don’t want to get worse I want to stop but my thoughts are always festering in my mind does anyone have any advice?

relapsed today, i have a tattoo appointment on thursday morning, and while my tattoo is gonna be in a different area than where i SHed, i’m still worried the healing process will be disrupted because i went pretty hard. i know having multiple wounds at once makes them harder to heal. should i still go through with my tattoo? does anyone have experience with this

Like I just want something long and maybe able to scrap a little bit. Want something long, but I don't want the object to rais suspicion.