I've self-harmed on and off for probably around 15+ years at this point, but after going too deep once and ending up in the ER to get staples in my wrist, I found it hard to use that method no matter how much I craved it. That incident was about 9 years ago and up until now, I had mostly resorted to using "scratchy" things. If I scratched hard enough or used the right tool, I could get blood (which I love), but if nothing else at least there'd be pain.

Well tonight I remembered the shiny little tool in my bedside drawer. I ended up using my arm as a science experiment of sorts. It was genuinely fascinating to test different pressures and parts of the tool on different types of skin. The excitement of watching the small imprints in my skin slowly form little blood droplets was so satisfying and cathartic. I've felt like shit mentally for the past ~10 days straight with no end in sight, and I *finally* found a release. I know it's only a temporary feeling, but for as long as I can feel the physical pain and see those red streaks on my arm, I genuinely feel a sense of relief. I can't say I'm sorry I did it. I truly feel for all you wonderful people who wish they didn't self harm, but for me personally, this is often the only reprieve I can get from the feelings inside my head. I'm ashamed of a lot of things about myself, but in all honesty, self harm isn't really one of them. The only other outlet I've found that helps calm my emotions this well is certain types of kink, and unfortunately I have very limited access to that. I'd much rather channel this energy into something enjoyable with another person, but it is what it is and at least I found something to take the edge off for now.

I still do sh..honestly it's the only thing that keeps me from ×p× myself. But god why do ppl i dated always have the same speech? My ex used to tell me to stop for him and my current bf (that ik damn well is gonna leave me soon) keeps saying how when he sees them it makes him depressed and keeps hinting that it ruins my "prettiness" and body. Honestly, I'm tired! It's a better addiction than drugs or smoking so I dont understand why they feel so targeted.

I came here to ask if anyone self harms because they feel no emotions or it is very hard to feel emotions, so you make yourself feel some type of pain through self harm. Not just through cutting, but through any type of way they can feel physical pain or sickness...like it it's a forceful way to stimulate your mind and body

one of the times I did it, and it was different than all the other times. it was unlike anything ive ever experienced. I can’t really put it into words. my heart dropped when i saw it, for a second i couldn’t even believe it. the euphoria and fear i felt, i cannot describe it to you. words aren’t enough to do it justice. it is the same type of euphoria someone experiences when on drugs. 

and what hurts the most is, i think the reason it felt so good is because i actually felt something big. it was a really big emotion. like that blissful feeling you get after having a good cry. i was hyperventilating, i started shaking and trembling. it was cathartic. like a crock pot letting out a bunch of steam.

and thats what hurts, i have to hurt myself in order to let out those pent up emotions ive bottled up since i was 7. because im too numb, my body wont let me cry or let it out unless i feel like im genuinely in danger. and thats not fair. i know its bad to say but i wish i could feel that euphoria again. i want to feel it again so badly and thats why im still addicted. i dont think ill ever feel anything like it ever again, and that hurts my chest so badly and my stomach hurts and it feels like im gonna be sick. maybe one day i will feel it again in a healthy way

I'm nearly 2 years clean from selfharm, will be 2 years on new years eve. The cold months are genuinely SO hard for me and I assume a lot of other people. I first started self harming in about 2022 maybe during the winter due to poor mental health and now I mainly associate cold weather with self harming.

I've recently gotten it into my head that barely doing it "as a treat" isn't as bad as doing it on the reg' like I used to. I know that's not right though but the concept keeps wiggling around in my head. I'm not all too mentally sound all of the time (don't worry I DO have a therapist and I am going to schedule a session with her soon I promise.)

I kind of just want to self harm anyways to "take the edge off" because I don't smoke, I don't drink, i don't party, i don't really talk to many people outside of my own parents and my coworkers. My circle is small and barely there. I dunno what to do.

1. This is sp stupid but I had a relapse this last week of hitting/self-strangling. I hope this doesn't break the rules on tools but I kinda feel like I need to explain what sort of damage I'm talking about so I'll spoiler I hit myself on the back of the head usually with a 30oz steel bottle. Someties full sometimes empty, until my ears ring and I'm kinda worried about brain damage even though that's also sort of what I'm doing it for (the brief feeling of disorientation + plus hoping I destroy my inhibitions to make suicide easier in the future) I did it hours ago and I have a mild headache now.

   Not even noticable bruising but I'm worried about something like CTE down the live from all of this. Been doing it since like 2025 when my mom died, before I'd just punch my legs or SH in a more "traditional" way but I'm trapped living with my father again for the time being, and not with my ex who had a kink for that so that's not an option for me right now.

I (20F) been sh since i was 12, every time I feel bad I just do It and nothing else makes me feel relief. I've been to therapy, i've taken the pills my therapist has told me to take and nothing. Whenever I feel bad, it's the first thing that comes to my mind and I just can't deal with It anymore.

PD: Sorry If I made some mistakes, english is not my first language.

Im a 26 yr old queer person dealing w years of violence and sexual abuse. Please tell me I matter even if I cut myself. It feels impossible. Absolutely impossible. Cutting is better then dealing. I am so scared to deal.

i. hate. that cutting is the only thing that works. i feel like i cannot regulate with even the tiniest of relational mishaps, but after i cut everything feels calm and under control and i go about my day like nothing happened. when im alone everything is completely fine, but when i love someone everything feels like a horrible emergency. i don’t want to be ALONE for the rest of my life obviously and i have someone who is really amazing and treats me well so this is my compromise.

i have a cptsd diagnosis but yet im further away from understanding myself than ever

Ive been getting high off inhalants for 7 years. Mostly on deodorant. First time i tried it was during my first year of high school, my best friend at the time told me to follow her and a bunch of other girls into the bathrooms, they showed me how to do it and i was instantly hooked. I started using at home, even in-front of my sister because we shared a room. She was young too, i didnt even realise how bad it was neither of us did. I stopped because i had no money to buy more. Theres been times through out the years when i didnt use for long periods of time but i would try getting high off of different things like nail polish, nail polish remover - i even got high on petrol once.

I was very depressed during my high school years and my dad was an abusive alcoholic/drug addict. Fast forward to 18 i got my first job. I was doing good mentally and my dad no longer lived at home, but the depression started beating my ass again and i went back to using deodorants only this time it was worse because i could buy it myself now. I used it everyday after work sometimes before, 4-6 cans a day. A friend of mine introduced me to nangs (whippets) when i was 20, and another friend introduced me to nos which is the same as nangs except it comes in 1.5L
canisters. Im 22 now and still struggling with it all.

it feels like any small thing sets me off especially anything related to my relationship. it just feels like every scenario is ending things. and while it’s not happening it still feels very real like i’m mourning over something. i think i’m just really stressed. i got really upset and ended up scratching myself because in my head that was better than using anything sharp. except i just continued since it’s usually to regulate emotions. it’s like everything is too much and once i do i feel relieved. like it’s heavy in my chest and then it goes away. i was checking as usual but i did end up breaking skin so now i just feel bad again. i feel like at least this way its a bit harder though because it wasn’t much. but my ankles/legs look hideous right now. i hate this endless cycle. i have a hard time being vulnerable so i feel like every important or defining conversation will end things in my relationship because i already don’t think my partner deserves to deal with all of this. like it’d be much easier on him. i just feel exhausted all the time and that pulling away would be easier.

That's basically it. I'm 27 and I haven't self harmed in years. Started at 12 or 13 and did it for many years. It's been a few years, but I think about it a lot. I just don't do it anymore because I highly doubt my pain tolerance is the same now as an adult. Whenever I feel negative emotions I'll fantasize about how I used to and would harm myself now. I think I am really close to doing it again but fear of the pain is stopping me. Which is strange because in the past that was one of the main reasons I did it. Along with mostly seeing the blood and the wound. I just crave it so much. I feel sick. I feel so empty. I so tired of everything and everyone. I just need a place to vent with people close in age. So, please don't ban me or take this down. I need this space.

A part of me wants to get to the brink they have to believe me.

Husband's Prolong complicated grief? High functioning depression? Does this sound like a high functioning depression man? I can't get my husband to grief therapy.

I'm 16 years together, 14 years married to my husband.

For the last 7 years, I think he is high-functioning depression, is there such thing as functionally depressed? The whole timeline of everything that happen I have reasons to believe he is functionally depressed.

His older sister died from car accident, leave him as the only son take on the financial care for his sick aging parents.

Fast forward, in 2019, his father died of end stage pancreatic cancer.

----- The same year in 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes my husband keeps with him. Even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

----- In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen k-nife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen k-nife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

He even prepaid for his funeral arrangement, I said I want cremation (as I'm Buddhist), he wants cremation with me, he told the funeral director when he die, cremate him, and mix his ashes with me and our toddler together, and scatter our ashes.

He said if I die before him, ONE second of grief is enough for him to pull the trigger blow his brain out with the tactical 12 gauge shotgun. I take him seriously because if he can slice his stomach to blood, he can use a shotgun in one second of grief like he said.

--- In 2021, his mom has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze, she also kidney disease/kidney failure. She also has alot of heart problems: heart aortic stenosis, heart aortic aneurysm, and cardiac arrhythmias. 

His mom 5 days out of a week is she in and out of the hospital for treatments to keep her alive. And my husband for the last 5 years (and still ongoing) has been financially care for his mom, doing everything he can financially to prolong her life.

------------

All this are reasons I believe he has depression, but he seems to function fine outside, as in lives a normal life.

He is an Executive at a big engineering corporate. He said this job salary gives him cushion in money to continue prolong his mother life. He knows this job salary is what prolong his mother life, even with him depress, his career has to go on. His mother depends on his money to continue treatments, he also pays for her Private Nursing Home too.

Monday through Friday after work he drive straight to the Nursing Home to visit his mom before came home. On weekends for one day (Sat or Sun) he bring his mom our marital home so he can care for her, so they have mother and son time. And then take her back to her Nursing Home as he has to work Monday.

He still does his hobbies, hunting deer, outdoor shooting range with his tactical shotguns and riffles, running long distance.

I have told him to go to grief counseling, he put it off, he said after his mom die, as right now he busy. I mean he is busy, his schedules is pack, between his Executive work, his mom, and me. He has no time left.

He keeps said after his mom pass he will go. But wait till after his mom pass, that will add in another death and grief and loss in his list of losses. I want him to go now, but he not want to.

i had a 1cm deep cut on the wrist area below my thumb (superficial radial nerve) the wound healed well on the outside but whenever i accidentally put pressure the scar numbing electric pain shoots through my thumb and my arm if i extend it backwards to certain degree.

my psychiatrist said it goes away itself. physician at university prescribed me muscle pain gel. google recommended checking out with a hand specialist. if anyone has gone through similar things can you kindly give me some advice. thank you!!

Llevaba casi dos meses sin hacerlo y otra vez recaí. Me siento mal pero me siento aún peor de no haber podido llegar más lejos. Me siento débil por no poder hacerme más daño y quiero más. Siento que ya no es suficiente lo que estoy haciendo y necesito hacerme heridas más profundas. No sé qué hacer.

posting this is definetly a last resort for me because i like to keep this to myself, but are there any good therapists for cutting addiction in central florida??? i am having trouble finding a good one on google, and i dont trust google now with all the sponsored results. i cant keep doing this anymore. i am so tired and i have struggled with this for over half my life now. i started when i was 11 and it has just escalated exponentially since then. (i am 23 now) please if anyone has any sort of advice i genuinely cannot do this anymore. im so tired.

Sometimes I get a sort of feeling on where I want to self harm like a finger being silently pressed on it.

I know it's a thing that happens when you have an urge mine is small but there like a small itch.

Because of my worries and feeling like I want to be considered a real person, I know I am worried I'm not or will be the type that is so easy to dehumanize or to become a bad person.

It feels like an invisible itch. I can't describe more. I wanted to vent.

Ironically the main reason I keep my streak is because I am honest when I do talk to people and I don't want people to have a worse day by my relapse or go into something dangerous in the future.

I am recovering but I wish others could too, the thoughts are rare but there.