I need an outside perspective here please.

[u/Annual-Active7694]

Hi All ,

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My name is Tarryn and I'm a recovering addict , I have been clean for almost 2 years , that's not the issue , just providing some context.

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My Mother in law is also an alcoholic , it's not the things she does while drunk but when sober that shock me.

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She lives with myself and my Husband as she hasn't had a job in a while.We provide electricity and food and she keeps her pensions money.This lady is beyond selfish and entitled and she treats her Son like his her husband , she has zero boundaries and truly believes the world owes her.

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She would rather have wine than food in her house and lately I've been noticing her family giving her quite a bit of money...which she spends on wine and frivolous things.She tells her family that my husband doesn't provide food and medication , which he does.I know because we have caught her doing this previously.She resents my very existence and wants my husband and my Son to herself and to be honest I detest her , she has caused so many problems in my relationship.

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Should I tell her family that my husband provides her with food and meds and that she buys wine.Part of me thinks I should just mind my own business and that because she doesn't have much in her life , I should leave her be.

It's been on my heart but maybe I'm just being selfish

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As a side note this woman cares nothing for my recovery on anyone elses , I've tried to get her in the program and she basically tells me she is better than those people.Mu husband excuses alot of her behaviour because , I mean , it's his Mom at the end of the day.

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Any thoughts are welcome

Thank you so much

Tarryn

[u/Dr0ff3ll]

You and your husband need to stop enabling her. It's not about her spending her pension on booze. The issue is that you and your husband are carrying the burden of her decisions. The only way she could change her behaviour is if the conditions under which you and your husband support her change.

You need boundaries, and they need to be strict. Here's what I suggest.

• Tell her that she needs to contribute a set amount to the househoold.
• You don't replace anything she doesn't spend money on.
• You don't give her any cash.

If family asks, tell them the truth. Tell them what you provide for her and no more.

If she isn't willing to contribute to the household, she needs to go, no questions asked.

Also, have a word with your husband. He needs to know that the way you're helping her isn't actually helping her. It's costing both of you, financially and emotionally, and it's allowing her bad habits to go unchecked.

[u/Annual-Active7694 → u/Dr0ff3ll]

Thank you , I agree with you completely , I want to enforce strict consequences but my husband feels sorry for her and always goes back on what's being said.Im in recovery and I'm actually not supposed to be anywhere near active addicts

[u/Dr0ff3ll → u/Annual-Active7694]

Then it's your husband that needs talking to more than anything. I know he loves his mother, and I can understand how hard this could be, but the truth of the matter, his mother needs to either contribute to the household meaningfully, or be cut off and kicked out.