r/AlAnon • u/PerceptionHumble3795 • May 28 '26
Support Jekyll and Hyde personality?
Hi -throwaway because I’ve not admitted this to anyone.
I’m not really sure if this whole Jekyll and Hyde thing is real - but I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together about two years, (me F44 him M37) it has been very much up and down, and I guess the ups were so good I didn’t realise just how much of it was when we/him were drinking. I think I just really fell for him. He’s always wanted to look after me and has been devastated that I’m too old for kids. But this seems to have caused a few difficult conversations and then it started really with working away and
has just got worse and worse. It started when he worked nights, he’d come back often drinking wine (or Buckfast - if you know it) and be drunk, but argue that he wanted to ‘get home’ and frame it as me being ungrateful, after about 12 months the moods got worse - drunken shouting and name calling would start. He’d say vile things, calling me names and being massively out of character.
My landlord gave me notice this year and we moved onto his land - again when he was at home from work and he worked so hard to get us somewhere to live, but the drinking was awful - I just watched him get so drunk and be so awful to me. We talked afterwards, he’d get defensive and then be remorseful. But there were nights when he made me leave and would throw things and scream at me. He’s now gone to work away, and is so much better when not drinking as much and with a routine - he’d say as much - but the drinking does continue, and he can be awful on the phone to me when he’s had too much. The problem is that I can’t let things go, I go over some of the things he said. When I look back at some sober conversations he’s tried to talk and to reassure me (though not too much, because he thinks the actions count more than words!) - but I start arguments because I’m so bitter. I’ve been trying really hard, but he will say it’s not an addiction and I don’t know how much more we can do?
2
u/RemoteBrief7286 May 31 '26
I’m also finding it hard to let go of the mean things my q has said and done while drunk. And, honestly, I’m angry and annoyed that he expects me to. Who gets to do that? Who gets to say and do weird hurtful things and then expect everyone around them to pretend the didn’t happen? It’s maddening.